• This is a stand-to for an incoming competition, one of our most expensive yet.
    Later this week we're going to be offering the opportunity to Win £270 Rab Neutrino Pro military down jacket
    Visit the thread at that link above and Watch it to be notified as soon as the competition goes live

Ah, Valentines Day....what a RIP!!

Goatman

ADC
Book Reviewer
#1
here y'go...specially for Door Bundle and Gado....hearts and flowers anyone?

Courtesy of Su&Nick(Disillusioned of Barnstaple) Inc

Bring on Valentine's Day!!!!


These are entries to a Washington Post competition asking for a rhyme with the MOST romantic first line... but the LEAST romantic second line.

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.

Thought that I could love no other until, that is, I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; This describes everything you are not

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off your face

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes - Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife: Marrying you screwed up my life

I see your face when I am dreaming. That's why I always wake up screaming
My love, you take my breath away. What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell, Except for maybe "go to hell"

What inspired this amorous rhyme? Two parts vodka, one part lime.
:lol:

I reckon the greeting Card industry should have a whip round for Samaritans at this time of year.....

Le Chevre
 
#3
Roses are red violets are blue
Your sister takes up the arse so why dont you
 

Goatman

ADC
Book Reviewer
#4
icequeen said:
not quite a romantic then........................
ah Queen of my Heart, how you misjudge me.....this dit was sent to me by a mate who's already through his divorce and come out the other side, just about still smiling.....I'm so romantic I've been out to buy not one but TWO icky squishy-uv woo cards AND some flahrs.....


[ Cue Genie in Aladdin : Ah....c'est l'amour....] :lol:
 
#5
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...
Cuts is big on torture and can make it last for days...

Love is a many splendoured thing. It’s the April rose that only grows, In the early Spring.
Love is a very battered ring. It's the only love that GB knows, but botty love can sting!

O my luve's like a red, red rose. That's newly sprung in June;
Door Bundle shows true love, when he cuts hearts out with a spoon.

If thou must love me, let it be for nought,
“Mmmmm, necrophilia!” thinks MDN “Hope I don't get caught!”

Beautiful dreamer, wake unto me, Starlight and dewdrops are waiting for thee;
Ballad of Flasheart and loopy BB, love and obsession and a boiling bunny...

Apologies to those classical poets whose work I've corrupted!
 

Goatman

ADC
Book Reviewer
#6
hee hee Top shot deeBee :lol: ....
 
#7
Just spent 10 quid on flowers whilst my mate stood next to me in the tiny florists shop making loud comments about the cost of the expensive bouquets hehe - 10 quid! ! :(
 
#8
I buy her wine or champers, so I can booze it aswel
 
#9
£3.25 !!!!!! yes three hundred & twenty five pennys !!!!! for a poxy card. That is about the price of a pint of wifebeater. She best be fcukin gratfull. I refuse to buy flowers at any time of the year so she,s not geting any of them tommorow. I,ll buy her a cheap bottle of fizzy plonk instead. She,s not that fussy mind as last year I bought her a new set of spark plugs for my Jag & still got laid !!!

Regards LT.
 
#10
Wrote this the other day cos a mate suggested it, took me 10 minutes!!!

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Take off your pants,
I want to *marry* you.

You have a nice body,
You have a great mind,
Please let me,
Take you from behind.

P*nis and willy,
You like to mock,
But really I know,
You like to suck co-ck.

Anal is fine,
From behind,
Never have I tried,
Anal from beside.

Remember schooldays,
Behind the bike shed,
Young, foolish, 13,
You, giving me head.

Now I must bring this,
Crap to a close,
When you walk in,
Off come the clothes.
 
#11
Life without you Darling, would be life spent in a prison,
But before you kiss the kids goodnight, please spit out the jism.
 
#13
Anya5268 said:
LOL!! LT your other half landed on her feet when she met you eh? You old romaNtic you lol. Spark plugs!!! ha! ha!
Oh yes !!! She knows the score. I do exactly what it says on the tin. Don,t get any complaints so I must be doing something right :lol: . She did have a bit of a radge on when I offered to pay for a boob job though!! I honestly thought she,d be chuffed. Women eh ???????

Regards LT.
 
#15
LOL!! Brilliant!!! Ah well, in years to come LT you'll be able to look back and say thanks for the mammaries. Oh, sorry no you wont lol.

Never received anything strange on Valentines day, sadly Rob *sulks* but for three years I received a dozen red roses on Vals day delivered to my place of work and for three years the sender never revealed himself. Until I discovered it was one of my best male friends. Bless him. Another one was every morning I would pass a bloke on the way to work and we would wish each other good morning. When Valenitnes day came round he walked passed as usual and thrust an envelope into my hand. It was a valentines card with his number in it. Fairplay to him, it took guts to do that. I didnt call him though.
 
#17
ASDA - allegedly a valtentine card for 8p, yes eight pence. Being half scots, I just might be able to scrounge that much
 
#18
bobos said:
ASDA - allegedly a valtentine card for 8p, yes eight pence. Being half scots, I just might be able to scrounge that much
I,m there tommorow. I,ll be able to get a few of them & save them for the coming years :wink: !!!!!!.

LT.
 

Similar threads

Latest Threads

Top