Ah, just imagine...

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by BedIn, Jan 2, 2007.

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  1. Just a thought, but bear with me on this hypothetical situation…

    I'm walking down the street and pass Tony. I stroll up to him and belt him right in his stupid face. He falls on his arse and I feel really good. Inevitably, plod feels my collar almost straight away. "You can't belt people in the street" says plod. "But", say I "Fatty Prescott did and he got away Scot free. And it was televised. Surely that's really bad?"

    "Ah, yes" says Plod, "but he was provoked. A bloke threw an egg at him."

    "Well," responds BedIn, "On a sliding scale of provocation, try this one out. This fool here, lying on his arse snivelling like a child, sent me to Iraq for 7 months. He ensured that I did this shortly after finishing another Op tour. He ensured that me and my soldiers had poor quality kit in insufficient quantities. When our guys were killed he rolled out the usual falsely delivered platitudes and didn't bother to see them come home. He ensured my troops lived in needlessly uncomfortable conditions and that we got no post. When this was mentioned in the national press his staff lied in their response. When our poor equipment was mentioned to his minister for procurement he showed either a lack of integrity or a lack or understanding; either being equally appalling. He paid my soldiers a pitiful wage for their efforts. He squandered their good will, morale and professionalism. And to cap it all the whole shebang was embarked upon on morally dodgy grounds and isn't supported by most of the electorate he purports to represent. What say you, Plod?"

    "Fair enough. Kick him whilst he's still on the floor. Have one on us and go about your business."
  2. I'd have to agree with you there mate. but would you accept a caution so the force in which you commited the offence can reach it's Tony Bliar enforced detection targets?

    To be honest if no one was looking i'd probably help
  3. you'd have been shot at least six times in the head by his bodyguard as a potential terrorist before you'd got anywhere near him...
  4. Unless the bodyguard was ex forces, then he would have held him for you.
  5. If it was me, I would insist on the plod arresting me. Think of all that lovely, world-wide negative publicity. :)
  6. Splendid post Bedin.
  7. I think it would probably go more along the lines of:

    You're walking down the street minding your own business, when you spy Tony Blair from afar. Through a megaphone, he loudly tells the street that you present a threat to everyone present and have the ability to set fire to their houses and shag their dogs within 45 minutes.

    Some shifty looking characters in suits hand out badly photocopied flyers detailing the "evidence" to support his claim, including the original spelling mistakes and horns-and-moustache drawn on your photo in green crayon. You are not given any opportunity to refute the claims. All your attempts are met with accusations of lies and deception.

    After one or two minutes of this, a large group of men jump out a nearby alleyway and proceed to duff you up, along with your family, friends and neighbours - although they have the grace to look slightly ashamed as they do it. All the while Blair jumps up and down on the sidelines shouting, "It's for your own good!" and "You made us do it, it's self-defence!" for the benefit of the listening crowd.

    As you lie in a bloodstained heap, Tony steps up, puts the boot in a few times himself and, turning to an appalled public, announces that he made a mistake about the threat you posed, but that the green crayon had been especially convincing. His intentions had been for the best, so that was all right, wasn't it. In any case, you were a nasty man and deserved everything he gave you. Oh, oh and you'd been really, really horrid to some gypsies a few years back.

    He then proceeds to put it behind him and retires to a lucrative round of the after-dinner lecture circuit.
  8. Absolutley! 1st offence and fluttering eyes to the custody officer plus a plea of haveing the painters in mean? I should walk by naafi break :p