Agnes

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by The Perisher, Mar 23, 2013.

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  1. Man goes to doctor. "Doctor" he says, "I am concerned for my wife. We're both getting older now but I think her hearing is going. She'll be distraught about this if I suggest that she comes to you for tests. What can I do?"

    The Doctor suggests that when he gets home to look for opportunities to test her hearing. Situations when she can't see him but he can call out her name or Ask a question. If she does not answer, to then move closer and try again. Repeat until he has a distance when his wife responds and to let him know.

    A few days pass until the man gets his chance. But one evening when he returns from work. He opens the front door and can see through the lounge into the dining room and then beyond that into the kitchen. His wife has her back to him and is cooking at the stove.

    "Agnes, it's me, I am home. What's for supper?"

    Nothing. No movement, no suggestion she has heard him. He moves through the lounge into the dining room.

    "Agnes, it's me, I am home. What's for supper?"

    Again nothing. He walks across the dining room and stands at the kitchen door.

    "Agnes, it's me. I am home. What's for supper?"

    Again nothing and so he walks across the kitchen to stand right behind her.

    "Agnes, it's me. I am home. What's for supper?"

    This time Agnes shrugs her shoulders, sighs out loud and turns to face him and says

    "For the fourth time of asking, it's fucking Shepherds pie, you deaf bastard!"
     
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  2. That made my night...

    good one.
     
  3. Along similar lines...

    A bloke goes to the Doc's worried that his wife has been acting peculiar.
    "Ok" says the Doc, "If you can get me a urine sample I might be able to determine the problem."
    The bloke goes home and manages to convince his wife to squirt in a jar for him and takes it back to the Doc who says to come back next week for the results.
    The following week he returns and asks the Doc what he discovered.
    "Well", he said "The results are a little inconclusive, but we think it's either Alzheimer's Disease or AIDS."
    "Holy hell!" The poor fellow replies, "What should I do?"
    "No problem, when you get home send her for a walk around the block. If she comes home, don't fuck her."
     
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