After dinner speaches

Discussion in 'Sappers' started by greasyjoe, Jan 27, 2008.

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  1. Gents,
    I have my 22 year dinner coming up, and I need some inspiration!
    So some good one liners or cliches would be useful!
    Whats the best "after dinner" speach/ comment/ bitch/ moan or whatever you have heard? Ones where they verbally attacked the management would be specifically welcomed :D
  2. Can't remember mine, as I was quite drunk. :D
  3. 22 years ago I set off on a journey. A long journey that has taken me over the world. However due to the 11,500 break downs. 10,000 U-turns and 400,000 seperate cases of being lost i'm back where I started only older, fatter and slightly more p1ssed!
  4. At one dining-out the guy stood up and said 'I would just like to thank all those who have helped me and made me feel welcome since my arrival at the regiment' so we all sat back in our seats and waited for him to start reeling off names and examples of aforementioned 'help'. Instead he promptly sat down.
  5. I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

    Bilbo Baggins – Lord of the Rings

    Baffles most people.

    Or if you have had a hard time at you unit.
    As I slide down the banister of life shall remember this place as a splinter in the ass.

    Champagne to my real friends and real pain to my sham friends.
  6. A slight variation on the Blackadder theme,

    'I'd like to say that I will miss your intelligent conversation and quick wit but as we all know it would be an utter lie. So I will content myself with merely saying sod off, and if I ever see any of you again it will be a million years too soon'.

    Only of course if you don't like them. 8O
  7. Maybe thats the key? Get absoloutly shat faced.....and just burble like a burst ******** for 2 mins!
    Nothing new there then??? Got in there before you Charlie! :)
  8. Jo, all depends of how many extra's you want before you leave .

    As long as SH1T faced does not mean you either talk a load of, or abuse anyone say around the table, who really cares?
  9. I think whats important is: Do I really care? You know the answer :twisted:
  10. If you can't remember it ... it never happened. Now's your chance to really lay into and belittle someone you really hate, in front of the whole mess, before you leave.

    I just hope it's not me!
  11. I remember being told a story once where a Cpl was leaving his Regiment (infantry) after 12 years of service. At his farewell drinks (obviously not the mess), the OC asked him to tell the younger guys what was his most memorable moment in the Regiment ... something to inspire them.

    He replied; "Well Sir, it was when I was a private soldier and had to spend four months as a waiter in the Officers Mess."

    The OC was a tadge confused and said; "But Cpl X, you did three operational tours of duty in NI, were mentioned in despatches in the Falklands as well as doing tours in Belize, Cyprus and Kenya. How could being a waiter in the Officers Mess be your most memorable moment?"

    The Cpl looked him straight in the eye and said; "Because every night I used to have a w@nk in your fcuking custard."

  12. Something suitably ambiguous, that has stood me in good stead in both the Army and civvy street:

    "You all know how much I've loved this place and you all know how sorry I'll be to leave it."
  13. I started this life with eyes and ears open, striving to be a Sapper
    There were many with me but there are few with me today.
    Many moved on and some are still on OP's and will never return
    I have worked with all the branches, the banter and sometimes the cuffing that comes with it but.

    I have been privileged to have worked with Giants and to have been accepted as a Sapper

    For that I will ever be grateful.

    FFS no bad fir 2 oclock eh.