After dinner jokes/repartie

#1
I am highly likely to be dicked to be Mr Vice at our impending annual dinner. Having already familiarised myself with the sort of tricks I may find myself subject to, I need some inspiration for suitable/acceptable after dinner jokes/stories. I very much doubt my current collection of humour would go down too well or improve my career chances much.

Entertain me....
 
#3
I find that any recolection of my CSgt from the factory normally brings a chuckle to most people. Usually as it reminds them of their own.
 
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