African Infantryman of the Year

Oyibo

LE
I'm not in the least bit religious but everytime we took off from Mohammed Murtala 1 (Lagos), I said a little prayer of thanks to the great spaghetti monster.....then get wired in to the business class drinks trolley.
The airport is an utter joke.
Landing as a first time visitor, always at night for european flights, you walked out into a sea of locals all wanting to sell you something or change your money, then a mile walk with your bags dodging all sorts, in dim light, heat and the ever prevailing stink of shiit being burnt, until you got to the company bus.
I will say this though, some of the people were fantastic and will remain friends for life.
It's little wonder they all want to come here.
In the 9 years and 6 months I worked in that shithole of a country I just prayed to get on the plane. I didn't give a toss if it landed
 

udipur

LE
Book Reviewer
In the 9 years and 6 months I worked in that shithole of a country I just prayed to get on the plane. I didn't give a toss if it landed
I bought some tut at a local market for Chrimbo presents one year and was on the way home 23/12. Some big lout stopped me at the airport and inspected my baggage only to declare, in that delicious Nigerian way, that I was removing national artefacts and would need to pay for the privilege.

Dash is all well and good but a bit of red mist might have descended.

I got out without dash, my artefacts intact and a reflection that I was a lucky chap indeed.
 
I bought some tut at a local market for Chrimbo presents one year and was on the way home 23/12. Some big lout stopped me at the airport and inspected my baggage only to declare, in that delicious Nigerian way, that I was removing national artefacts and would need to pay for the privilege.

Dash is all well and good but a bit of red mist might have descended.

I got out without dash, my artefacts intact and a reflection that I was a lucky chap indeed.
Some cunto at the airbridge - metal wand picks up the zippo.
Nope, I can't take it on the plane.
Oh yes I can - says so on the back of the ticket, with picture.
It came to MM on SAA, is going back on SAA.
Nope.
Call your supervisor
'I am a supervisor' etc etc etc
Eventually I get him to call the SAA purser, who sees my ticket - front row of Business class, and says he'll take it, and give it back to me in JHB.
As soon as the doors close, he hands it across with a muttered sentene about thieving naijy scumbags
 
Same with small tubes of toothpaste and deodorant sticks in carry on. Not allowed! Must be confiscated!

Quite obviously legal and quite obviously on their shopping list. No idea why though. Deo useless against unwashed body stench and toothpaste not made of cat shit so apparently not used.

Then you get the multiple passport checks before boarding and after debarking. Makes them look important and useful to their mates, despite being ten feet apart and watching the previous bloke go through the passport in the same manner. Most are not even looking at the page that's just been stamped but will no doubt pounce on anything they consider dodgy until they can extract cash.

They also like throwing their weight about and ordering pax to comply with stupid demands. Had one obese creature making pax board in groups of three or four and waiting until the stairs were completely clear before she allowed the next group up. Must have taken half an hour to board a bus full of pax and the hosties obviously had the shits with the entire clown show. Speaking to a couple of them later, they regard that particular route as the worst one to be scheduled to fly.

Same old story - tiny bit of authority immediately goes to the head and they become Idi Amin.
 
Yup. Like the geniuses at my local airfield. Five of them manning a checkpoint to do the job of one person. Going out to do a bit of work on an aircraft belonging to a mate's flying school I get told to put my kit, including a couple of screwdrivers and a pair of pliers, along with my KaBar Mule, through the X-ray machine.

Comes out the other end, stick it back in my pockets and go out onto the apron while the five highly efficient security personnel continue sleeping/shouting at each other/nostril mining.

KaBar Mule.

 

udipur

LE
Book Reviewer
Yup. Like the geniuses at my local airfield. Five of them manning a checkpoint to do the job of one person. Going out to do a bit of work on an aircraft belonging to a mate's flying school I get told to put my kit, including a couple of screwdrivers and a pair of pliers, along with my KaBar Mule, through the X-ray machine.

Comes out the other end, stick it back in my pockets and go out onto the apron while the five highly efficient security personnel continue sleeping/shouting at each other/nostril mining.

KaBar Mule.

Baghdad, early Dodge City days, with the loons from Custer Battles running the airport.

You could fly in with anything you could get in - aerosols, multi tools, weapon parts etc - but when you left and tried to clean up your kit, that eejit with the mahoosive moustache and balding head would get snippy about your deodorant.

Jobsworth probably wanted to smell better.
 

Oyibo

LE
I bought some tut at a local market for Chrimbo presents one year and was on the way home 23/12. Some big lout stopped me at the airport and inspected my baggage only to declare, in that delicious Nigerian way, that I was removing national artefacts and would need to pay for the privilege.

Dash is all well and good but a bit of red mist might have descended.

I got out without dash, my artefacts intact and a reflection that I was a lucky chap indeed.
Believe it or not, the guy was telling the truth (to some degree). One is supposed to get a chit from the national museum attesting that it is not a valuable artefact (for money of course). I used to get my driver to take a made-up bill and a bit of cash to to museum so that I always had a spare chit.
 
Believe it or not, the guy was telling the truth (to some degree). One is supposed to get a chit from the national museum attesting that it is not a valuable artefact (for money of course). I used to get my driver to take a made-up bill and a bit of cash to to museum so that I always had a spare chit.
Same in Kenya with anything to do with ostrich shells, even from farms.
Traipsing round KWS HQ looking for someone to take my money for a piece of illiteratly scrawled and stamped on paper wasn't a highlight of the honeymoon...
 

sirbhp

LE
Book Reviewer
I was told by a colleague of mine that when approached for "fines " at passport control in Nigera he always asked for a reciept first apparently that got him through no bother .
 
I was told by a colleague of mine that when approached for "fines " at passport control in Nigera he always asked for a reciept first apparently that got him through no bother .
You should have seen it during the bird flu and Ebola shiitfest, the latter was the scariest but not for the disease but the reaction of the Nigerian authorities. If you had the flu and you were travelling you stood the chance of being 'quarantined', in the same cell as potential Ebola victims, ensuring your contagion.

The bird flu ensured that people (actually, I only ever saw expats being stopped, me amongst them) by Nigerian 'Health Service' nurses in scruffy white coats demanding to see your 'Bird Flu' vaccination certificate. Don't have one?, they can give you one or you can dash.
Sadly, it wasn't just Nigeria. I was stopped entering Luanda, Angola, two or three years ago. Regular travellers always have their Yellow fever papers on hand and generally sorted. This buffoon decided that my inoculation was out of date. He decided that a 7 was a 1 and that I had travelled around the world for six years without a current vaccination, despite the valid date running to 2017. He put some shitty old needle on the table and said he could do it or I could pay his fine.
He understood 'cvnt' clearly, as I stood up, walked out and joined the passport queue. He never left his office.
There's a fine line between losing your shiit and playing them at their own game.
 
Same with small tubes of toothpaste and deodorant sticks in carry on. Not allowed! Must be confiscated!

Quite obviously legal and quite obviously on their shopping list. No idea why though. Deo useless against unwashed body stench and toothpaste not made of cat shit so apparently not used.

Then you get the multiple passport checks before boarding and after debarking. Makes them look important and useful to their mates, despite being ten feet apart and watching the previous bloke go through the passport in the same manner. Most are not even looking at the page that's just been stamped but will no doubt pounce on anything they consider dodgy until they can extract cash.

They also like throwing their weight about and ordering pax to comply with stupid demands. Had one obese creature making pax board in groups of three or four and waiting until the stairs were completely clear before she allowed the next group up. Must have taken half an hour to board a bus full of pax and the hosties obviously had the shits with the entire clown show. Speaking to a couple of them later, they regard that particular route as the worst one to be scheduled to fly.

Same old story - tiny bit of authority immediately goes to the head and they become Idi Amin.
We have the same set up state side by similar minded folk - AKA the TSA. Also known as the security theatre.
They've taken things from me that i know are perfectly legal, if i argue about it they'll make dam sure you miss your flight.
 
We have the same set up state side by similar minded folk - AKA the TSA. Also known as the security theatre.
They've taken things from me that i know are perfectly legal, if i argue about it they'll make dam sure you miss your flight.
TSA can be quite dim. Several years ago an older man was stopped at an airport in the midwest about the pointy starlike thing in his pocket, could it be a weapon. Told he had to give it up.
The pointy starlike thing on a blue ribbon was a Medal of Honor. What was even more stupid was that the man was a former Governor of the state he was traveling from. A State Police officer wandered over, filled the TSA guy on his stupidity, saluted the former governor and escorted him to his plane.
I'm sure the story is true as I got it from a friend who is a Vietnam era MoH recipient. There are only about 70 recipients still alive and they all know each other.
 

_Chimurenga_

LE
Gallery Guru
TSA can be quite dim. Several years ago an older man was stopped at an airport in the midwest about the pointy starlike thing in his pocket, could it be a weapon. Told he had to give it up.
The pointy starlike thing on a blue ribbon was a Medal of Honor. What was even more stupid was that the man was a former Governor of the state he was traveling from. A State Police officer wandered over, filled the TSA guy on his stupidity, saluted the former governor and escorted him to his plane.
I'm sure the story is true as I got it from a friend who is a Vietnam era MoH recipient. There are only about 70 recipients still alive and they all know each other.

I remember seeing him interviewed later ... it was Joe Foss who won the MoH for exploits above Guadalcanal as a Marine Corps aviator. He was on his way to lecture at the Naval Academy that day.
 
I remember seeing him interviewed later ... it was Joe Foss who won the MoH for exploits above Guadalcanal as a Marine Corps aviator. He was on his way to lecture at the Naval Academy that day.
Thanks for filling in the information. I heard the story from Tom Kelley (USN-Vietnam)
As you may know most MoH recipients are given a duplicate so they can safeguard the one actually presented by the President (usually) and have one to wear at ceremonies etc. The one they wanted to take from Governor Foss was the original which why he was upset.

CAPT Tom Hudner USN once lost his. Going to a ceremony in a bridge coat, while in a parking garage, he thought he was putting it in a pocket but put it in the slit that goes to the sword belt. He was very upset but a couple of days later he got call from a construction worker who had found it and called the navy to track him down. The worker brought it by his office and absolutely refused any reward but finally accepted a book about the medal autographed by Tom and a photo taken with him. Tom Hudner died a couple of years ago but this year an Arleigh Burke DDG was named for him. Nice gentleman
 
Oh where did you get that hat where did you get that hat?






Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
You should have seen it during the bird flu and Ebola shiitfest, the latter was the scariest but not for the disease but the reaction of the Nigerian authorities. If you had the flu and you were travelling you stood the chance of being 'quarantined', in the same cell as potential Ebola victims, ensuring your contagion.

The bird flu ensured that people (actually, I only ever saw expats being stopped, me amongst them) by Nigerian 'Health Service' nurses in scruffy white coats demanding to see your 'Bird Flu' vaccination certificate. Don't have one?, they can give you one or you can dash.
Sadly, it wasn't just Nigeria. I was stopped entering Luanda, Angola, two or three years ago. Regular travellers always have their Yellow fever papers on hand and generally sorted. This buffoon decided that my inoculation was out of date. He decided that a 7 was a 1 and that I had travelled around the world for six years without a current vaccination, despite the valid date running to 2017. He put some shitty old needle on the table and said he could do it or I could pay his fine.
He understood 'cvnt' clearly, as I stood up, walked out and joined the passport queue. He never left his office.
There's a fine line between losing your shiit and playing them at their own game.
My brother is a commercial diver. He hates getting jobs in Nigeria. It turned Him from a carefree sandal wearing ,tree hugging hippy ,to a carpet munching,mouth foaming, swivel eyed racist. :)
 

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