Advice sought re. Foxes

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Vegetius, Jul 28, 2005.

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  1. I am a townie. I am not particularly militant about it; I am reasonably fond of the countryside but when's all said and done I prefer built-up areas, easy access to dial-out takeaways and night-time light pollution.

    I now live in the twilight world of the suburbs, a nice green leafy one on the fringes of the Metropolis. I quite like this too, as nothing makes you as grateful that you made it to the 'burbs as growing up in Deptford.

    I digress. This explains my ignorance of the Fox. I am used to the Urban Fox, that putrid grey, mange-ridden skeleton that rifles through bins and occasionally throws itself under the wheels of lorries in the early hours, providing a nutritional breakfast for urban pigeons. However, I am not used to the luxuriant, umber-coated, cheeky rural fox. I am more used to seeing him in hunting prints on pub walls.

    I now have one of these cheery rural foxes living in my garden. He (She? It?) is utterly shameless, and as I returned home this morning at silly O' clock there he was lying outside my kitchen door.

    "Fcuk off!" I said.

    It yawned, picked itself up, and wandered off (lazily).

    He was back at midday, sheltering like a big girl's blouse from a light drizzle. I eyed him warily, wondering if he was too nimble to chuck a brick at. I decided he was.

    Now, this is the question I need to ask rural ARRSERs. I have a small baby. Is the fox a threat to him? If so I will call the council and have the fcuker shot...I'm pretty sure he's plotted up behind my shed. Or should I put up with this new denizen of my garden and enjoy my morning banter with him?

    I am genuinely clueless as what to do. Suggestions?


  3. Cheers Stoatie. In which case Reynard will be terminated with extreme prejudice forthwith.

  4. I suggest inserting a goodly amount of C4, or perhaps a claymore under old Reynard's bedding-down spot. Some kind of cunning laser-trip-wire thingy can be employed to ensure that Reynard is in the optimal position when the device operates.

    Be sure to stand nearby holding a plastic bag open skywards to collect some tasty and nutritious fox paté as it comes down!
  5. Vegetius, I'd give my right testie to have a fox or two in my garden. I have everything else (apart from roaming wilderbeast) including sqwirrels, hedgehogs and cuckoo's, and I live right smack in the middle of the suburbs. The neighbours have an open garden and regularly have a vixen come over for scraps. I'd try and strike up a 'relastionship' with this feeker, have an understanding between yourselfs and maybe you'll be rewarded with fox cubs later on. I'm sure you wouldn't leave your baby on it's own anyway, so no threat there.
  6. I can see a movie with Meryl Streep coming up should the unthinkable happen - take care of your baby - I would hate to see another Meryl streep movie. ( of any sort)
  7. Is that now entirely legal? Argh your a copper.....shoot to kill
  8. Rural opinion, here. Attacks by foxes are very rare, certainly in the super-rural village my parents live in. (it's so rural, even the tarmac is green. :p ) Personally I wouldn't be surprised if the News story wasn't somewhat blown up and out of proportion.

    Since there is no rabies in Britain (unlike my parents' place) I wouldn't be worried, because as Gunny pointed out, surely you won't leave your kiddo alone, anyway. :)

    OK, so 'm prejudiced, I like foxes, cunning beasties they are. :wink:
  9. ^ Hmmmm. Like I say, I'm really clueless when it comes to wildlife. Unlike many townies I'm curiously unsentimental about animals and although I find them interesting, I'd just as happily stab one repeatedly with a kitchen knife if I considered it a threat.

    What I'm curious about is why this fox is so brazen and unbothered by humans when it is so clearly not an urban fox. Is it old perhaps? How can you tell?

    I'm just as happy not to kill it, I really don't know what I'm dealing with and I don't want to waste RSPCA time when I'm sure their busy investigating Cat Lady (etc).

    Stoatie: I have no (repeat ZERO) access to said ordnance. It would be a brutal hand-to-hand melee betwixt overweight civvie and cunning beast.

  10. Happily they removed the Badger's Act and similar countryside legislation from the Sgt's exam syllabus this year. So the answer is I don't know. Be assured, however, that I will bark a sharp warning to the fox prior to me jumping on it armed with a half-brick.

  11. RSPCA know that would probably get you 5 months in the 'Big House'
  12. Do you live anywhere near Manchester, cos I have a powerful air rifle and can come around and do the deed for a crate of cheap Netto lager.
  13. ^ Probably. Which is why I'd get the council exterminator in to do my dirty work.

  14. Gunny, unfortunately I'm "Dahhnn Sarf" so your kind offer wouldn't work on several levels (i.e. we don't have Netto down here).

    I'm also considering developing a touching "Foxes in the Mist" stylee relationship with the fox after reading the posts by your goodself and the delightful Fraulein.

    What do foxes eat, except for of course innocent baa-lambs and chickens?

  15. Arh so your all mouth now it comes down to it....first of all you were gonna 'off Basil' yourself now your seeking to employ someone else to do your dirty deed!