Advice on Mrs who has give up on our marriage

Discussion in 'The Other Half' started by blacky, Mar 8, 2007.

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  1. Recently my Mrs said she loves me, but is not in love with me. I was totally shocked and taken a back, we have been married for a long time and our children have grown up. I still love her, but I find the situation difficult to deal with.

    Anybody that has been in this situation could you, give me any advice or PM me :sad:
  2. It happens Mate, some people just grow out of the relationship, best thing to to is if she wants to leave, let her go. my mate mates wife recently walked out on him, the advise i gave him was:

    Get down the Gym.

    Take up an interest that get s you way wkends.

    Start getting back your mates.

    He is fitter than he has ever been

    He has taken up hill walking and has a good group of friends including lots of women. not that you will be thinking of that now.

    Good luck mate!
  3. you have my sympathy. Sounds like a mid-life crisis. Being in love is what happens in the early stage of a relationship - this then matures into the sort of enduring love which is hold together by shared experiences, family etc. Maybe a break from each other for a while would help - although if this has been fermenting for a while not much you can do.
  4. Hard luck - my sympathies. In my limited experience that sort of bull***t either means they have been reading the woman's own too much or more likely she has someone lined up. You could go to 'Relate' but have some pride and don't fawn over her in some sorry attempt to get her back. If initial attempts don't work move on.

    Either way make sure your finances and possessions are squared away go down the gym and make sure you are fit and healthy, do things you have always wanted to and wife/ kids stopped you doing and get your self-esteem up. It's a hard knock but life moves on and it's gooooood if you make it so.
  5. Sorry to hear it mate. What's the plan? Does she want a divorce? Or is she quite happy to live under the same roof as you?

    Sebcoe's advice is spot on though, get out and enjoy life. You may even find that, she may takes an interest in the 'new you' (do not have this as your sole motivating factor though, as you never know with women!!)

    One thing you must not do is to sit around and mope. It gets you nowhere apart from further down in the dumps.

    Best of luck, and don't overlook the benefits of 'shag-everything-in-sight therapy'

  6. Ask her what she wants.

    Edited to say,
    Didn't mean to sound glib, but you might get a long way by confronting her and asking her what it is that she really wants. You might not like what she has to say, and I'm sorry to agree that more often than not there is another person involved, and if not, then the hope of someone else in particular can be quite the instigator. Whatever she says at least you'll know where you stand.
  7. Whatever happens, try not to take chunks out of each other - it's really easy to, when a relationship is suffering.

    Assuming that there are no other parties involved / lined up, then you've got to have an up front conversation and either both decide to repair, what was probably a good solid relationship, or go your different ways, whilst both of you realise that the primary concern is that the relationship with the children (age does not matter) is still equally supportive from both parents.

    If you do decide to "work at it and put it right" then my best advice from experience, is to turn the TV off for a month, and learn to communicate with each other again.

    Good luck.
  8. Sorry to hear that - there is good advice posted here and mine is to take it - do not dwell on maybe's, ifs and only's - focus on the horizon.
  9. A good friend of mine told her husband the same thing. He was taking her for granted though. They seperated and got back together several times. They miss each other when they are apart. When they get back together all is well as he pays her the attention she needs, however it all slips back to the normal routine every time.
  10. Blacky, the same thing happened to me about 18 months ago after 10 years of marriage and 3 kids. The (now ex-) wife decided there was nothing left any more. There's some good advice on here, especially the bit about the gym - not only did it help to get me back into shape again, but I also found it a very positive outlet for all the stress, grief and anger. Best of luck, and remember: this will only destroy you if you let it.
  11. Hi Blacky,

    I am sorry to read about your situation. Sadly, these things often happen and can appear that it has happened over night. In my experience we drifted into the 'friendship' zone and in my opinion once you have got into that 'I love him like a brother/sister there is no going back.

    I split up with my ex 18 mths ago. He was devastated at the time but once he got passed the 'I cant be just friends with you' bit he realised we were not being fair to each other by remaining together . Anyway the long and short of it is that he is still my best friend and I love him dearly so I am guessing the same for you and your wife, you have a lot of history together.

    I dont really know what to say to give you advice except to say that maybe have a chat with her and find out if there is any chance of moving on from this. If not, try and move on with your life and just think you still have a great friend who will always be there for you.

    Good luck :thumright:
  12. All.

    Thanks for all the positive :thumleft: advice, I will take it all on board and start to move on or prepare myself for the worst. I will give her space for now.

    I do not intend to mope around the Pad, starting to put things in place to move on. I have noted all your conciderate thoughts and comments, THANKS

    When things get tough, at least fellow squaddies are there to lend a hand in support, or give you the reality check.

    A core value of the British squaddie
  13. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor


    Been there; came as a great shock to me, took a long time to get over, but one does.

    Came as great shock to me (at the time) I should have noticed, but I was not looking.

    Not all 'crises' are the end - I can only advise you to look and see if there are any ways that this can be a temporary 'blip' and look for ways to get back together. Easier said than done, believe me.
  14. Going through same thing at the moment,anger and pain are the worst things to get over.
    The No1 thing you must consider is your health (Mental & Phyisical), do not hit the bottle to hard, and have a good mate to talk to.

    Give her the space she wants, I must admit, my situation is getting better,especially when I moved out, and didn't see or phone for a month.

    It's hard fella, but you will get there in the end.

    All the best.

  15. Not all British Squaddies are the same.

    If some bloke thinks that they have a chance with your wife, and she is half good looking, they will try and poke her. They will woo her with "Have you seen my tat - it's for my wife and kiddy". She will then think "oooh, what a sensitive chap". Then they will try and shag her. She will be missing her bloke, she wants a bit of "jiggie jiggie" (cock), they will be doggying her up against the skips somewhere at the back of louies/cheeks/someother doghole*

    *Delete as applicable.

    They are squaddies.

    A hole is a goal.