Advice needed

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by white_hackle_mobster, May 1, 2006.

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  1. Hello all!
    I've been lurking around for a month or so, and finally have found the time to join. Unfortunately, I have to debute by begging for advice. Here's the situation:

    There is a group of Irish students over here (Ontario, Canada) on some sort of exchange, one of whom has attracted my attention. I know she fancies me, a 30min snogging session in a club last night is a pretty good statement of interest. The trouble is her comrades. They are extremely protective, and I can't get her away from them. One of them (picture a female Jabba the Hutt) threatened "If you hurt her, I'll beat the living shyte out of you with a shovel." She meant it. All of this despite my great efforts to endear myself to the whole mob, showing them around to some of the better pubs and clubs in town, and keeping several of their number out of jail. So I ask the combined wisdom of Arrse, how do I get her away from her friends? I've dealt with this situation before, and it's usually fairly straight forward, but this one is different, my bag of tricks is empty. Help!(Serious and silly solutions welcome.)
  2. a) Take Jabba outside and give it a shoeing till its unconsious.

    b) Smash the birds back door in and then let Jabba give YOU a shoeing, report her to the polizei, then go back and smash the birds back door in again.

    c) Give Jabba a "Dirty Mexican". While shes recovering, swiftly retire with herself.......(be sure to smash her back door in)

    d) Smash your own back door in.............then take her upstairs and smash her back door in
  3. Are they all joined at the hip or something ??

    How about just asking the bird you like out on her own ??
  4. "Are they all joined at the hip or something ??" - No, though that would make for an interesting story. I'll add Siamese twins to my "to do" list.

    "How about just asking the bird you like out on her own ??" - Crap, never would have thought of that! Tried, several times. Apparently the only time she has free is when out with her mob. I suspect that she just too bashful. I need something a touch cleverer than the norm.
  5. Get a grip and stop snivelling you beefer, go for Jabba and show her what she's missing then sort em both out
  6. Three in a bed, mate.

    Be with em as a standby weapon.........They luv it, if the battery starts to run low.
  7. Violence is the way forward here. You will need:
    Machete, meat hooks (2), enough rope to circumnavigate the whale and the other retard and a plentiful supply of hallucinatory drugs to take down a horse.

    I'll leave the MO up to you - but it's pretty self evident. Once the lesbian harpies are, ahem, removed, do what you have to with the one you fancy.

    PS Can I suggest filming the lot as I'm sure it will find a ready market....
  8. What you need is a mate who has no moral standards, (any p1ss*d Private soldier should do!!) and invite him along to spear the heffer with a bit of pork sword. Then while she is getting her once a decade ride you can move in on the looker and fill yer boots.
  9. how about spiking jabbas drink with some high power laxatives then taking missy away whilst jabba is finding out how far her hole really can stretch be even more fun if u go into the ladies before hand and steal the shit roll
  10. Um, hate to piss on your chips, BUT I just don't think she fancies you. Bashful my ARRSE! She'd find a way to spend time alone with you if she wanted to.

    Oh, and as for:

    Ever heard of beer goggles? They're not just for blokes... :wink:

    But I think you should bash the back-doors in on the Jabba doppelganger, just for a laugh... :D
  11. If she snogged you for 30 minutes, I don't think she is that bashful.. I have toagree with Dozy, she may well have been wearing very strong beer goggles.

    Get them all very drunk, and hump the first one to say 'yesh'
  12. spike7451

    spike7451 RIP

    Make her a large Fry Up (Ulster if poss),then,while chubbs is scarfing it down,do the hoop!(Like pig at a trough!)
  13. Fang_Farrier

    Fang_Farrier LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Rohypnol as available on all good US date rape websites!
  14. Do you think jabba the hut will need it get someone?
  15. Spike Jabbas drink with horse tranqulizers, she wont die as its based on body mass. She will just be asleep for a week. This seems to be a common thing, fat girl protectionism sydrome or FGPS where the most ugly minger of the group seems to make it her business to keep everyone from having fun.