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Advice needed :twisted:

#1
greetings all, i currently changing civvy jobs and will be (hopefully) leaving mid june, and was wondering shall i leave with a bang as it were?
any suggestions?
all replies appreciated
 
#2
rape your boss. This has nothing to do withy our job but it makes the day after the christmas party interesting.
 
#3
On your last day buy cakes for everyone, make everyone look forward to it and then turn up without them, only to pull them out of a draw......

The trickery will remain a talking point for year to come.

Alternatively machine gun everyone in the building
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#6
Clingfilm on the bogs?

A larg-ish dead animal concealed in the ceiling spaces always makes people laugh, or, as noted, a fish.
 
#7
i like the clingfilm idea, and maybe conveniantly run out of bog roll as well :twisted:
 
#8
PrayingMantis said:
and maybe conveniantly run out of bog roll as well :twisted:
No way!!!

My word you will be legendary.

Why not go to the brew area and put the tea in the coffee pot and vice versa
 
#9
Turn up to work on your last day naked and covered in menstrual blood (maybe raided from the female toilets). Every time you need to go for a shit, do it on the floor.

Oh, and masturbate every so often whilst looking at the bloke opposite you.
 
#10
When I left my job in New York I got a number of Asain gentlemen to steal Aeroplanes and fly them into skyscrapers.

They will never ever ever question my staple orders again.
 
#11
minister_doh_nut said:
PrayingMantis said:
and maybe conveniantly run out of bog roll as well :twisted:
No way!!!

My word you will be legendary.

Why not go to the brew area and put the tea in the coffee pot and vice versa
the tea and coffee will be harder to do as its tea bags and coffee granules how about making ex-lax chocolate crispy cakes for everyone,

i thinking clingfilm over the urinal as well?
 
#12
Shove a couple of packets of bicarbonate of soda powder into the bog cistern and a litre of WHITE [not malt] vinegar into the bog pan. Next user will get a stinging splashback and a cubicle full of foaming shite when they flush.

or put a bag of clear gelatin powder into both the bog pan AND the cistern the night before and await the poor sod who has to clear a walnut-whip topped jelly out of the sh1tter [a task made all the more difficult with a non-flushing cistern jelly .
 
#13
I know, you could plan all your jokes and tell a select few in the office what you plan to do and really build up the excitement - coffee pots 'n all...

Then on your last day phone in sick. Shucks will they be disapointed!

Or throw yourself out of your office window.
 
#14
Anyone in your office leave their computer unlocked and unattended? If so take a screen capture of their desktop, set it as wallpaper and delete all their desktop items. Watch and laugh as they call IT complaining that they are clicking on icons but nothing is happening. Laugh further as the IT mong turns up and cant figure out what is going on either :twisted:

Alternatively (or additionally) set their e-mail autoreply to say "Fcuk off Cnut" and dont tell anyone.

Either of the above work nicely. Or you could just torch the building.

Edited for spelling
 
#15
1. Spend the last day at work ending every sentence with "CNUTS"; makes for a very interesting gift acceptance speech etc.

2. Spend the day talking to your monitor, whilst rocking backwards and forwards on your chair.

3. Periodically intersperse the above with hysterical laughter, then resume serial 2.

4. Leave a list of names of your co-workers and their addresses to be 'accidentally' discovered when you are away from your desk. This effect is magnified if it the names are written and heavily underlined.

5. All this is more effective if you look like you haven't shaved or slept for a couple of days.

The feckers wont forget you in a million years.
 
#16
Strip off naked the night before your last day and sit crossed legged on the floor with a lit human fat candle on your head whilst rocking back and forth chanting to yourself.

About an hour before dawn finger paint your naked body with Celtic symbols of fertility and death.

Climb nearest high building and pickof your co-workers with hi-power rifle whilst slowly rubbing your c0ck after each shot.

Either that or use the spoon from the coffee jar to scoop some sugar and leave little bits of both on the spoon to slowly dry and encrust.

Both are equally annoying.
 
#17
sundance said:
Anyone in your office leave their computer unlocked and unattended? If so take a screen capture of their desktop, set it as wallpaper and delete all their desktop items. Watch and laugh as they call IT complaining that they are clicking on icons but nothing is happening. Laugh further as the IT mong turns up and cant figure out what is going on either :twisted:

Alternatively (or additionally) set their e-mail autoreply to say "Fcuk off Cnut" and dont tell anyone.

Either of the above work nicely. Or you could just torch the building.

Edited for spelling
send emails to their significant others, explaining their deep seated involvement in a snuff ring or or any email that starts with "By the time you read this..."
 
#18
Buy some ricin a few days before hand and put it in the tea/coffee supplies. By the time it's your last day they'll be feeling so ill & thinking about going to hospital they wont notice the fact that you have swapped the number 6 and 4 around on their phones.
 
#19
See_You_Next_Tuesday said:
1. Spend the last day at work ending every sentence with "CNUTS"; makes for a very interesting gift acceptance speech etc.

2. Spend the day talking to your monitor, whilst rocking backwards and forwards on your chair.

3. Periodically intersperse the above with hysterical laughter, then resume serial 2.

4. Leave a list of names of your co-workers and their addresses to be 'accidentally' discovered when you are away from your desk. This effect is magnified if it the names are written and heavily underlined.

5. All this is more effective if you look like you haven't shaved or slept for a couple of days.

The feckers wont forget you in a million years.

That's just a normal day, points 1,2,3 and 5 are routine.
 
#20
I always find that carefully un-rolling a toilet roll and spraying it lightly with Ralgex or DeepHeat before again carefully and tightly re-rolling can make for hours of fun.

Worked very well in Worthy Down NAAFI, the Base MO must have thought all the WRAC girls had caught some new dose, apparently all of their pink bits had swollen so badly that they resembled roof tilers nail bags!

I have since been assured that the stinging sensation is approx 10 times worse than dousing ones face in water after an extended period of time in a CS gas chamber - NICE! :twisted:
 

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