Advice needed :twisted:

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by PrayingMantis, May 13, 2008.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. greetings all, i currently changing civvy jobs and will be (hopefully) leaving mid june, and was wondering shall i leave with a bang as it were?
    any suggestions?
    all replies appreciated
  2. rape your boss. This has nothing to do withy our job but it makes the day after the christmas party interesting.
  3. On your last day buy cakes for everyone, make everyone look forward to it and then turn up without them, only to pull them out of a draw......

    The trickery will remain a talking point for year to come.

    Alternatively machine gun everyone in the building
  4. Ive done this, works a treat. You will not be forgotten for a long time.

  5. Something utilising fish products/prawns/seafood and a nice warm place of concealment?
  6. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Clingfilm on the bogs?

    A larg-ish dead animal concealed in the ceiling spaces always makes people laugh, or, as noted, a fish.
  7. i like the clingfilm idea, and maybe conveniantly run out of bog roll as well :twisted:
  8. No way!!!

    My word you will be legendary.

    Why not go to the brew area and put the tea in the coffee pot and vice versa
  9. Turn up to work on your last day naked and covered in menstrual blood (maybe raided from the female toilets). Every time you need to go for a shit, do it on the floor.

    Oh, and masturbate every so often whilst looking at the bloke opposite you.
  10. When I left my job in New York I got a number of Asain gentlemen to steal Aeroplanes and fly them into skyscrapers.

    They will never ever ever question my staple orders again.
  11. the tea and coffee will be harder to do as its tea bags and coffee granules how about making ex-lax chocolate crispy cakes for everyone,

    i thinking clingfilm over the urinal as well?
  12. Shove a couple of packets of bicarbonate of soda powder into the bog cistern and a litre of WHITE [not malt] vinegar into the bog pan. Next user will get a stinging splashback and a cubicle full of foaming shite when they flush.

    or put a bag of clear gelatin powder into both the bog pan AND the cistern the night before and await the poor sod who has to clear a walnut-whip topped jelly out of the sh1tter [a task made all the more difficult with a non-flushing cistern jelly .
  13. I know, you could plan all your jokes and tell a select few in the office what you plan to do and really build up the excitement - coffee pots 'n all...

    Then on your last day phone in sick. Shucks will they be disapointed!

    Or throw yourself out of your office window.
  14. Anyone in your office leave their computer unlocked and unattended? If so take a screen capture of their desktop, set it as wallpaper and delete all their desktop items. Watch and laugh as they call IT complaining that they are clicking on icons but nothing is happening. Laugh further as the IT mong turns up and cant figure out what is going on either :twisted:

    Alternatively (or additionally) set their e-mail autoreply to say "Fcuk off Cnut" and dont tell anyone.

    Either of the above work nicely. Or you could just torch the building.

    Edited for spelling
  15. 1. Spend the last day at work ending every sentence with "CNUTS"; makes for a very interesting gift acceptance speech etc.

    2. Spend the day talking to your monitor, whilst rocking backwards and forwards on your chair.

    3. Periodically intersperse the above with hysterical laughter, then resume serial 2.

    4. Leave a list of names of your co-workers and their addresses to be 'accidentally' discovered when you are away from your desk. This effect is magnified if it the names are written and heavily underlined.

    5. All this is more effective if you look like you haven't shaved or slept for a couple of days.

    The feckers wont forget you in a million years.