Next Thursday 26 July 2012 at 12.00 hrs. the RAF ensign will be lowered at RAF Kinloss for the last time to be replaced by the flag of 39 RE Regiment, and Royal Air Force Kinloss will become history. I have been invited along with all ex KMRT members to a farewell tea and sticky bun do at the MR section to mark the end of Kinloss MRT, a team that has not only been part of the fabric of the station since 1944, but also of the Scottish highlands and part of my own life since 1965. Now I need some advice here from you army types. When I drive through the main gate present myself at the guardroom at around 16.00 next Thursday it will no longer be an RAF station, and I expect that my station visitors pass will be issued by a soldier of some description or other, so can you help with these questions Please? 1. As all soldiers are members of the master race and heroes to a man would it be frowned on if I asked for autographs? 2. If that is permissible should I only ask the ranking hero, or would it be OK if I just asked the entire gate guard. 3. Could I ask them to pose for a photograph? 4. Will it be seen as disrespectful to address them as mate, flower, china, or petal. Point 4 is of vital importance, as the last thing I want to do is give proper soldiers and members of the greatest army in the world, a bad impression of ex RAF chaps. However this may prove impossible as the little tea party may be somewhat trying, there will be a lot of ghosts there, and so when it is time to hand in passes at the guardroom some may be feeling a little tired and emotional. I fear that it is a possibility that certain gestures and comments could be directed toward the new tenants, but I will try to ensure that as far as possible, on my part at least, that this is restricted to a simple “Fuck you, you fucking shower of fucking arseholes, you fucking gormless army cunts, you. Fuck off back to where you fucking came from you usurping bunch of fucking big girls fucking blouses”. Or something like that. This would probably be accompanied a simple V sign, I think that I for one will draw the line at mooning on this occasion, its vulgar and could excite the soldiers in a sexual way, something I would want to avoid. Your advice on the points I have raised would be appreciated. I would like to take this opportunity to apologise in advance to any members of 39 RE Regiment that may be on duty in the vicinity of Ex RAF Kinloss guardroom, if a lack of recognition of your ranks, and status as master race hero’s does not quite meet the standard you the rest of the best army in the world are used to, forgive us but we are only ex crabs.