Advice for a friend in trouble

#1
Ladies and Gents i need your help on behalf of a fellow ARRSER.
Brief history, young squaddie, has a two year old daughter, the daughters mother has decided for reasons known only to herself that she no longer wants the child, so the question im looking for advice on, is it possible to be a single father in the Army and would they help? The only other alternatives are leave the army or have the child put into care....thank you in anticipation.....scotlass.
 
#2
scotlass said:
Ladies and Gents i need your help on behalf of a fellow ARRSER.
Brief history, young squaddie, has a two year old daughter, the daughters mother has decided for reasons known only to herself that she no longer wants the child, so the question im looking for advice on, is it possible to be a single father in the Army and would they help? The only other alternatives are leave the army or have the child put into care....thank you in anticipation.....scotlass.
if a single woman in the army can do it. then i dont see why not.
 
#3
there are a number of single parent families in the army,,
it wont be easy for him , ie , his beer tokens will be cut.. but it can be done.there are also on most bases,, registered child minders ..
 
#4
his first port of call to talk this one through should be his families officer-
they know all the if buts where fours and will look at getting him a flat..
 
#5
pupgreen said:
there are a number of single parent families in the army,,
it wont be easy for him , ie , his beer tokens will be cut.. but it can be done.there are also on most bases,, registered child minders ..
What about when he goes on tour?
 
#6
he, could possibly end up on rear party.. again he needs to chat with his families officer first they know and have delt with all these sorts of problems in the past..
 
#7
the army could also post him to a location nearer to his home town so his family can ..help out ,,ssafa ,are the link here...
 

ugly

LE
Moderator
#8
We had a similar family break up in NI in 88. A wife became a Greenfinch and ran off with a male UDR fellah. She asked for divorce, he granted providing he had custody. He was found a job in HQ coy and 9 to 5 till I left at least!
 
#9
pupgreen said:
he, could possibly end up on rear party.. again he needs to chat with his families officer first they know and have delt with all these sorts of problems in the past..
Thanks pup, i know things can get bad but rear party, what would the world be coming to..
 
#10
what a horrid situation for the poor lad but at least he is putting his daughter first. one question.....being ignorant and curious......does the army offer some sort of counselling or guidance service for families to help avoid situations like this in the first place?
 
#11
rear partys work harder during a tour most times than the guys deployed,,
its nearly perminent guard-duty driver ect...i know ive done a 6 month rear party job...
 
#12
there are so many options open to soldiers and families these days that were not there 10 years ago,,the back up system welfare of families is second to none,, better than you get in civie street..
saafa, are very good..
 
#13
Starfire, i dont think any amount of counselling would help in this situation the mother, an ex girlfriend has decided she doesnt want the child and is not really bothered where she goes, as long as she goes, social services are trying to place her with blood relatives and obviously the father wants his child..
 
#14
his families officer is on call 24-7...so can sort out probs even on a week end,, he dosent have to wait until office hours,,,if its a drama...
 
#16
flamin hell..i'm not usually judgemental but i cant imagine what would posess a mother to abandon her child like that.....she must need some serious help and i hope the poor woman gets it because thats inconceivable. I am relived the childs father is showing such comitment and am sure he will provide more than ample supply of the love and care she needs. But the poor child...i cant get my mind round it.
 
#18
I was a single parent(male) with a 4yr old daughter.
From the start it was a bloody hard uphill slog.Get SSAFA and Welfare Offr on board.
Get official custody of daughter,and if you are not married it aint gonna be easy,is he on birth certificate as father? because soon as Mama realises she has lost a potential income source she will come screaming for her'baby'-fact!!!
To get a pad,first find nanny-not some 17yr old bimbo-but a reliable one-
apply for pad,see Pay Office get daughter put down as co-habitee in order to get allowances etc.
Sort child benefit.
Do not expect any favours as you are a single pop as it will breed resentment from others,I still deployed on Granby! do job as normal.
Sort out child care!!! priority!
When its all done and you shut door of yours/hers own pad for first time its worth it!!
Life still goes on,no need to hide away,he will find many Pads Mum ready to help etc but do not take as read.
Best of luck to him,he's going to need it.
But finally what he must honestly ask himself is it what he wants and can he give best for his daughter,its a long term thing remind him!!
regards
hat
 
#19
Can i just thank you all on behalf of the arrser we appreciate all the help and will let you know of the outcome..thank you especially sluice will do..
 
#20
Sluice_dweller said:
Probably worth advising him to make contact with Army Welfare Services too - as it says on the tin - help with welfare, also responsible for child minders and childcare (especially in BFG). Would even be able to help with postings etc

Sluice
Thanks for that.

Scotlass was helping me,he is my son.

The mother does'nt let us see her.This as all happened tonight.

He is 18 and as perhaps seen her 3 times.
 

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