I really think it's time that my side of the story came out re Arte_et_Marte and the only gay in his village. Arte as you know him, real name Marion (snigger) is an Englishman who settled in our little village of Ballykisspenis in the county of Cork some time back. He doesn't have a wife anymore, although he makes out on here that he has. But he does have a big gay Doberman, that charges up to men, going 'Bowsy Wowsy' and sniffs at their arseholes. It was some time before I realised that it was checking them out for Arte/Marion. I caught on when it sniffed at mine and then ran back to Arte and sat in front of him, nodding it's head whilst looking back at me. From that moment, we both knew that we were meant for each other, Arte and me that is, not the dog and me, although the dog's not bad. He asked me to go for a drink and told me that he was a big fan of being dry bummed with a ballgag in his mouth. Well, we went back to mine and I rode him like I was the Lone Ranger and he was Silver. He liked me to dress up all in black like Johnny Cash and sing to him. His favorites were 'Ring of Fire, A Certain Kinda Hurtin, A Half a Mile a Day, All Over Again, Big Iron and A Boy Named Sue.' He used to love A Half a Mile a Day and then finish off with A Ring of Fire. It all started to go to pot when his wife found out, and tit for twat, cleared off with the local lesbo. He was so annoyed, he tried to frame me with shagging the goat that belonged to Seamus, the landlord of the Brown Bottle pub. That fell apart when Seamus saw photos of Arte/Marion on hands and knees, wearing his ex's sheepskin coat turned inside out, with Patrick the goat dry bumming him. Seamus hit the roof, as Patrick was his boy friend. He caught them at it, sneaked up and hit Patrick over the head with his shillelagh and then shoved it up Arte's ringpiece. Arte just moaned a bit louder, "ooh yes Patrick yes" Seamus turned poor Patrick into quite a tasty biryani, telling customers that at the time, it added a complete new meaning to the expression 'He gets my goat,' threatened to do the same to me if I didn't feck off from the village, and has made Marion (see what I did there) take Patrick's place. I have left the village, it's true, after all, Seamus is 6' 8" and 21 stone, but Marion keeps texting, pleading to be rescued. Well fuck you sweetie, I hope you enjoy being tethered on the pub lawn, being made to keep the grass short. Should I carry on ignoring him, or do you think he's at the end of his tether (snigger) and should be forgiven and rescued. Any suggestions?