acts of stupidity whilst in mong mode

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by fusilier50, Nov 8, 2007.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. What utterly stupid acts have you inflicted on yourself whilst in mong mode. this must rank as one of my daftest....well my most recent anyway :p

    a few nights ago i discovered just how dangerous those little red chillis can be.

    I was dividing my time between the net and cooking up a chinese chilli stirfry and had just finished finely chopping the already mentioned little red napalm pods. I was slightly sidetracked as i chatted to a few friends on MSN.

    I happened to brush my cheek with the hand i had used to chop the little red spawns of hell. Within seconds i started noticing a burning sensation on my face and wiped my face AGAIN with the same hand this time involving the other side of my face into the bargain. I tried to brave it out for all of 10 seconds then, face on fire i ran to the kitchen sink and attempted to rinse my face with cold water.

    NOOOOO i hear you gasp but it was too late as i managed to wash copious amounts of chilli blood into my eyes. I was in absolute agony,blinded, i groped my way around the kitchen trying to find a towel,fell over my dog who was very excited watching her boss blundering around and bashing into furniture.

    Oh the pain. It was horrible. it took about half an hour to recover.Far far worse than any NBC testing chamber i have ever experienced.

    When i was semi recovered i returned to the msn conversation i had been in and tried to make out nothing had happened.

    Thank God i dont have a web cam

    oh and a word of advice DONT try picking your nose after chopping chillis even if it has been hours since you finished cooking unless you've washed your hands in petrol and paintstripper and panscourer first.
  2. Think yourself lucky you never decided to touch ur c@ck :wink:
  3. i only thought about that one after i'd picked my nose so was very very lucky 8O
  4. :roll: This is about mong mode, right? A friend of mine was born in Thailand. (He's a two meter tall white Dutch guy, his father ran a plantation over there) And he likes Thai cooking.

    While helping him cook up some sharpish Thai stirrfry stuff, my senses were generously lubricated with stopious amounts of Grolsch.
    So I had to pee. :cry:
    But I had just been chopping Mme Jeannetes. :(
    So I went to the smallest room and whipped my willy out. :oops:

    It hurt. :twisted:
  5. I have done just that after handling some little birdseye peppers. I went for a slash and gave my sack a good scratch too, it was like ralgex being applied. Fuk it hurt. The sort of thing you will only do once.
  6. We all have mong days.

    At the risk of being pilloried at the stake by fellow arrsers for mine, I will admit I fractured my nose with my own car door all by my little self.

    Having finished a meeting I hit the remote, opened the door and for some stupid reason bent down whilst pulling said door open. End result.......blood, swollen konk and the office staff noticing me in agony :oops:

    As I said we all have mong days...............

  7. luckily I didnt scratch my cock after chopping habaneros for a chilli.However my gf wasnt so fortunate.Id washed my hands too.Didnt speak to me again,thought id done it deliberatly,not spoken to her for 20 years.Shes not my girlfriend anymore.I put that last bit in ,knowing how odd some of you are,might think were still together ,but just not speaking , communicating with terse notes stuck to the fridge
  8. A few years ago, one of the Tyson - Bruno fights was on some pay per view channel. The lads decided we'd order it on 1 box, have a night out on the lash, come back and watch the fight. All good so far.

    Night out goes without hitch, however the lad whose place we were using for the fight was delayed and so said he'd meet us at his house at 0230. Lashed up, kebab in hand, we stood outside matey boys house in the snow waiting for him to arrive.

    At about 0245 a set of headlights make there way through the snow up to the house. Being a little bit worse for wear, i decided i'd stand in the road and play chicken with my mate and his car. The car won......... 8O

    i landed in a pile of snow next to the road and the now stationary car, but did manage to save my kebab. Badly bruised yet funny as fcuk! :lol: :lol:
  9. came back from a research trip and was shattered and a bit brain dead so left my keys on the tube. Phoned the current arbyette to bitch and whine about it. She calls the nearest tube station and aparently one of the staff had picked them up, noticing the ccfc key ring and being amused that there is actually a cov city fan left alive decides to hand them in, I get a in a taxi head off, pay, get keys, realise I left my wallet in the cab. as I have a receipt for the cab, call the company, get into another taxi, pay with shrapnel, pick up wallet, realise Ive left my bag in the last cab and didnt get a receipt. cry. go home without bag. vow never to enter the city limits of london again.
  10. One day I went into my CO and said... don't want to do this army sh1t any more. Didn't realise it was a mong day until I woke up one morning, later in life, and thought... really don't want to go to work today. realy, realy don't want to go to work. Help!

    Funny thing was though... not a chilli in sight.
  11. Mantest - jalapeno under the foreskin - luckilysomebody did it b4 me and I had good sense to fail the test :pissedoff: :pissedoff:
  12. Woke up one morning and realised Id got married the day before. Real mong day........
  13. Bet some bloke a bottle of whisky that Scotland really would beat England...I was a year early, curses!
  14. spike7451

    spike7451 RIP

    Miss spike once went for a slash after chopping chili's,screamed the frickin house down she did,said the pain on the old vag was worse that passing a brat out the clacker.(oh how I laughed!) :twisted:
  15. I once attempted to blow white pepper at someone across the stove tops in work, I promptly dropped half of it right in front of me and got the burning stench from point blank range. Cue instant nose bleed and lots of laughter from intended recipient.