acts of stupidity whilst in mong mode

What utterly stupid acts have you inflicted on yourself whilst in mong mode. this must rank as one of my daftest....well my most recent anyway :p

a few nights ago i discovered just how dangerous those little red chillis can be.

I was dividing my time between the net and cooking up a chinese chilli stirfry and had just finished finely chopping the already mentioned little red napalm pods. I was slightly sidetracked as i chatted to a few friends on MSN.

I happened to brush my cheek with the hand i had used to chop the little red spawns of hell. Within seconds i started noticing a burning sensation on my face and wiped my face AGAIN with the same hand this time involving the other side of my face into the bargain. I tried to brave it out for all of 10 seconds then, face on fire i ran to the kitchen sink and attempted to rinse my face with cold water.

NOOOOO i hear you gasp but it was too late as i managed to wash copious amounts of chilli blood into my eyes. I was in absolute agony,blinded, i groped my way around the kitchen trying to find a towel,fell over my dog who was very excited watching her boss blundering around and bashing into furniture.

Oh the pain. It was horrible. it took about half an hour to recover.Far far worse than any NBC testing chamber i have ever experienced.

When i was semi recovered i returned to the msn conversation i had been in and tried to make out nothing had happened.

Thank God i dont have a web cam

oh and a word of advice DONT try picking your nose after chopping chillis even if it has been hours since you finished cooking unless you've washed your hands in petrol and paintstripper and panscourer first.
kernowpuss said:
Think yourself lucky you never decided to touch ur c@ck :wink:
:roll: This is about mong mode, right? A friend of mine was born in Thailand. (He's a two meter tall white Dutch guy, his father ran a plantation over there) And he likes Thai cooking.

While helping him cook up some sharpish Thai stirrfry stuff, my senses were generously lubricated with stopious amounts of Grolsch.
So I had to pee. :cry:
But I had just been chopping Mme Jeannetes. :(
So I went to the smallest room and whipped my willy out. :oops:

It hurt. :twisted:
kernowpuss said:
Think yourself lucky you never decided to touch ur c@ck :wink:
I have done just that after handling some little birdseye peppers. I went for a slash and gave my sack a good scratch too, it was like ralgex being applied. Fuk it hurt. The sort of thing you will only do once.
We all have mong days.

At the risk of being pilloried at the stake by fellow arrsers for mine, I will admit I fractured my nose with my own car door all by my little self.

Having finished a meeting I hit the remote, opened the door and for some stupid reason bent down whilst pulling said door open. End result.......blood, swollen konk and the office staff noticing me in agony :oops:

As I said we all have mong days...............

luckily I didnt scratch my cock after chopping habaneros for a chilli.However my gf wasnt so fortunate.Id washed my hands too.Didnt speak to me again,thought id done it deliberatly,not spoken to her for 20 years.Shes not my girlfriend anymore.I put that last bit in ,knowing how odd some of you are,might think were still together ,but just not speaking , communicating with terse notes stuck to the fridge
A few years ago, one of the Tyson - Bruno fights was on some pay per view channel. The lads decided we'd order it on 1 box, have a night out on the lash, come back and watch the fight. All good so far.

Night out goes without hitch, however the lad whose place we were using for the fight was delayed and so said he'd meet us at his house at 0230. Lashed up, kebab in hand, we stood outside matey boys house in the snow waiting for him to arrive.

At about 0245 a set of headlights make there way through the snow up to the house. Being a little bit worse for wear, i decided i'd stand in the road and play chicken with my mate and his car. The car won......... 8O

i landed in a pile of snow next to the road and the now stationary car, but did manage to save my kebab. Badly bruised yet funny as fcuk! :lol: :lol:
came back from a research trip and was shattered and a bit brain dead so left my keys on the tube. Phoned the current arbyette to bitch and whine about it. She calls the nearest tube station and aparently one of the staff had picked them up, noticing the ccfc key ring and being amused that there is actually a cov city fan left alive decides to hand them in, I get a in a taxi head off, pay, get keys, realise I left my wallet in the cab. as I have a receipt for the cab, call the company, get into another taxi, pay with shrapnel, pick up wallet, realise Ive left my bag in the last cab and didnt get a receipt. cry. go home without bag. vow never to enter the city limits of london again.


Woke up one morning and realised Id got married the day before. Real mong day........
Bet some bloke a bottle of whisky that Scotland really would beat England...I was a year early, curses!
kernowpuss said:
Think yourself lucky you never decided to touch ur c@ck :wink:
Miss spike once went for a slash after chopping chili's,screamed the frickin house down she did,said the pain on the old vag was worse that passing a brat out the clacker.(oh how I laughed!) :twisted:
I once attempted to blow white pepper at someone across the stove tops in work, I promptly dropped half of it right in front of me and got the burning stench from point blank range. Cue instant nose bleed and lots of laughter from intended recipient.
A mate of mine was returning by taxi from a night on the town a few years ago totally bladdered. As he went to pay the driver he dropped the tenner which blew over a small hedge.
Mark casually jumped the hedge and suddenly realised whilst in freefall that it wasn't wise to jump from a bridge.
30ft later, two shattered ankles and a medical discharge he can sometimes laugh about it...........only sometimes.
A tale I recounted before but most definitely counts as mong mode.

Confession time. I got hold of a couple of small cans of pepper spray as issued to the German cops/posties etc. Are supposed to be used to ward off dangerous dogs.

So I gave one to the missus for carrying in her pocket/handbag when out at night and put the other one in the car "just in case".

A couple of weeks later I was on a course staying in a hotel, I got bored as you do so went out for a couple of drinks. Came back to the hotel after a few sherbets and found that the can that was supposed to be with the wife was in my suitcase.

Having seen the pictures of the cops using it on the telly and having had my share of exposure to CS in the chamber I wondered if this stuff was a) any good and b) anything like CS.

So I gave my self a 0.00005 nanosecond spray in the area of nose and mouth (with eyes shut).

Fcuking BIG mistake.

To start with it was "Ah as I thought poofy civie shite, nothing to it"
Then the burning started, then the sneezing and coughing. Followed in rapid succession by choking and sneezing snot all over the place.

Ran like fcuk for the shower to get the dammed stuff off my face but by now I had tears streaming down my face along with the snot going everywhere and not being able to breath so I missed the door to the bathroom and ran straight into the wall.
I bounced off the wall and hit the bed which promptly threw me to the floor (woughly centurwian).

Now on my hands and knees and still coughing and sneezing snot and blind I started to crawl towards the shower again. This time I managed to get into the shower and turned it on.

Wrong tap!

So now coughing, sneezing, half blind and parboiled with a lump on my head I realised that my experiment might have been a bit misguided.

I finally managed to get the cold water on and wash the stuff off.
Ofo had an attempt at golf. Being a big rugby type I though I would give the little white barsteward of a ball a fair old clump with a big wooden bat. The driving range had a one inch lip on the mat. I found said lip and hurled the ball squarely into my own eye and a rate that would have been a 300 yard plus drive.

Try explaining to A nad E that you were not fighting and should not wait at the back of the queue. Luck for me the Doc realised no sane man would make that one up.

Golf clubs are for sale - hardly used.

Also guilty of the post-Habanero Peppr pee..... Still haunts me that one.
Jolly_Jack said:
You, sir, are a mong of the highest standard! I salute you!

i have to agree my lapse was ignorance and lack of thinking but you Steven actually "thought" about it :p

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