Actions on / Useless Officer Drills

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by cernunnos, Feb 11, 2008.

  1. Dash, down , crawl, sights, observe, empty magazine into Rodney.

  2. Frag the mess!

  3. Discover the officers swinger club web page!

  4. My officer is jolly professional and I like his co'ck!


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  1. One of the highest traditions of the British Army remains the ritual slaughter of useless or dangerous officers during the first exchange of fire. The first British volley was always reserved for the officers, to ensure common sense would prevail during the remainder of the engagement. This traditional "Life Insurance" has been widely practiced since the peninsular war and perhaps before.

    During WWII a variation of the practice crept in with the popular practice of Fragging the officers mess. This practice was more hit and miss with sucess not always guaranteed. Correctly applied to inept or medal hungry officers it could reduce the risk of coming under fire at all.

    The earlier practice, popular in the colonial service where the hapless officer would be "discovered" blind drunk, clutching two dry bummed drummer boys, (both bleating for their mum) has been discontinued. Where previously the disgraced officer would be handed the mess Webley and told to pay his bar chit before departing, It is now widely accepted that such a "discovery" would lead to fast track promotion of the officer in today's Army.

    Where do we stand now? Which technique should be the standard drill?
  2. Remedial hot crumpet holding for a least an hour - after being rodgered to death by the RSM with red hot hot poker rammed up his ronson. Then cerimoniously he will have a given a pint of absinthe and told to down in one after completeing a naked ICFT. And watch him do the Grand Slam to ferilize the Mess garden! :twisted:
  3. You mean the RSM has a red hot poker up his ronsom? WIll he like it?
  4. Don't be such spoilsports.

    Mindless Officers (a club to which I was pleased to belong for over a decade) are like the UN and wives - a necessary evil which, if they weren't provided for you, would have to be created.

    Besides, what would you trench-types have to whinge about and practice snap-shooting on if there were no Ruperts about?
  5. I'm afraid it is down to the silver bullet or a wooden stake driven through the heart as all trace of humanity or the "soul " itself has evaporated due to exposure to Powerpoint,Sharepoint and other tricks of Satan and his little imps :twisted:
  6. The more gormless Ruperts are an asset to any unit, who else would ever sign blank 1033's :D
  7. My OC Tp had a grenade with his name written on it in permanent marker placed on his desk during OP Granby by his rather disgruntled crew.

    Bless him, he's a Lt Col now. :roll:
  8. 1. Tie hands together behind back, apply liberal amounts of lighter fluid to head, stand barefoot in an enclosure containing badgers, three, angry for the use of.
    2. Set light to unfortunate lisping buffoons' head and film for you tube. Make sure appropriate music is added - something like Aphex Twin - come to daddy.
    3. Retire to the SNCO's mess for port n stilton.
  9. A useless rupert is a sign that the troop staffy didn't apply enough corrective discipline when he was a one pip wonder fresh from Sandhurst.
    There's no help for these individuals, troop stoning with old tins of cheese possessed is the only answer. :twisted:

    Disclaimer: The author would like to point out this is in no way an advocation of Sharia Law as he feels this is 'exceedingly avoidable'. The author further believes that supporters of said law should do one.
  10. For the most part - what utter frog sh1te!!!

    Those with the stripes and/or crowns should be teaching the Little Blighter. If, after a period of time, the LB is still exhibiting signs of plopishness then aforementioned stripes and/or crowns have not done THEIR job!

    Take 5 extras, kunt.

    Though I do acknowledge that there are some beyond saving: if such is the case, they must be dressed in their bestest uniform, have a bright shiny sword girded about their waist and then buried, with full honours.

    Then, at a time of Grave National Emergency, they are to to be disintered, dusted off and then shot at at dawn every day for a fortnight. :twisted:
  11. You left a number of clues in your submission which suggest your rank and levels of currency would make you a candidate for "The Drills" in question.

    5 extras would be difficult to award in the PC world of the AGAI.

    Take five pokes in the eye with a sharpened stick for your trouble!
  12. Hah. I reject your 5 eye pokes as I never crossed over to The Dark Side. However, I did/do feel strongly that we are there to guide, lead and keep them out of the brown 'n sticky - if only for the purely selfish reason that, 10 years down the line, the favour can be returned :D
  13. Tytus_Barnowl

    Tytus_Barnowl On ROPs

    Fragging the mess is not easy in peacetime. However setting fire to it is a good option. Attempts at this happened on both my tours of Belize and I can only assume that these attempts failed because of the fire retardent compund in the swingfog insect eliminaters.
  14. You have very valid point there!

    Though unlike the UN you can't ignor all the sh!te they come out with and unlike the wife you can't kidney punch them and kick their backdoors in after 19 pints of wife beater and expect to be forgiven for some petrol station bought flowers! :wink:
  15. Excellent drills that man, take the rest of the week off!