Actions on encountering telesalesman

On encountering a telesalesman you..

  • Buy whatever he's offering. It's probably a good deal otherwise he wouldn't call you to tell you abo

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  • Talk to him politely and explain that you don't want any monkey/parrots etc.

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  • Hang up and walk away.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Hurl abuse down the line, threaten to shoot his family and do his girlfriend.

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
This morning at 0700ish I got a phone call from some cùnt, the gist of his request being whether or not I wanted to change my telephone company to one that he was peddling. I, being a polite sort of chap, spoke to said cùnt for 20 seconds or so before deciding that this cretin was wasting my life and promptly put the phone down on the side and left him to talk to himself. Can anyone tell me what is the correct procedure when you get this type of irritating phone call?
Usually tell them I'm not prepared to discuss the details of my life with them. However i have been mpore creative in the past and wound a few up. Depends if i have the time or energy really.

There is a place you can register so your number is removed from telesales lists, parents have done this and it works.
Try TPS online - they will block unwanted calls - takes about 10 days to activate, but stops the baestweards calling at 6 on a sunday morning when mrs charley is feeling frisky.
My favourite responses:

'puter says no

<away from handset, as if talking to spouse> No you stupid bint! i said MEDIUM RARE! <bang some furniture, hit your palm with your fist, return to phone> I tell you something mate, never get married - biggest mistake of my life. Sh1t, I think that b1tch broke my knuckle



ask what he/she is wearing, tell them that you are touching yourself 'down there', make sure you use the term 'down there'.
I pretend not to speak Dutch, therefore am definitely not interested in their Dutch newspapers (which is quite a common one, actually).

The best one I heard was when someone phoned an acquaintance & asked him if he wanted some cavity wall insulation. He's an engineer, so he got the guy on the other end of the line chasing around for technical details (thermal conductivity, expansion coefficients etc), and strung him along for about 20-30 minutes, talking teccy stuff that the telesales mong didn't have a clue about. When he got bored, and had assessed that the mong thought he'd got a sale, he said:

"Well, there's two problems: One, this is a tied house. Two, I have solid walls. But it's been fascinating to talk with you! Good bye!" :twisted:
Operator said:
There is a place you can register so your number is removed from telesales lists, parents have done this and it works.
It's the 'Telephone Preference Service' and can be contacted on 0845 0700707 - it takes around 4-6 weeks for details to be removed from the telesales database.
Over here you can put your name on a national list if you don't want telesales bar stewards to bug you. That being said, you still get hassled by various charities. We were until recently averaging 3-5 calls a day from them. But they come from hidden numbers which i can block.

So now we live in peace and quiet....but it seems like the fuggers are now starting to ring from 'normal' numbers. :evil:

My IA drill....should i actually pick up the phone is simply to hang up without replying. Gollocks to 'em. i never asked them to ring me and the twats love to ring just about around dinner time.
My father was recently phoned by someone wanting him to switch from Orange to Vodafone. He's thinking about doing this anyway, so he explained that the thing he likes about his Orange PAYG is that you can choose when your off-peak period is and could they match it. "Crikey," said the chap on the other end of the phone, "I'm on Orange and didn't know about that. How do you do it?" Cue friendly conversation as my father explained how, then thanks and apology from the telesales man and end of call.

Another story that my parents tell (I don't remember this) is that I picked up the phone aged 6(ish) to be asked if we wanted to buy windows or doors. "No thanks, we've already got some." Click.
Couple of more memorable ones,

Answering the phone and having a severe bout of tourettes, the sales-bod was ever so sympathetic.

Conducting a phonecall with multiple personalities :twisted:

When the phone rings pick it up and say

"Hi, I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza (sub: favourite food/whatever)"

I like to add a little surrealism to everyone's day.
I registered with TPS months ago; I still get the occasional call, but when they try the 'is that Mr ViroBono?', I usually say 'No, he's moved', and go on to give the name of some character in a novel. Sir Percy Blakeney, aka the Scarlet Pimpernel, has served me well, as has Mr. Sattersthwaite, an invention of Agatha Christie's.

Which brings me to the related topic of unsolicited mail. For some years now this has provided me with some amusement and occasionally some money.

Upon receipt of unsolicited mail...

When something slips past the Mailing Preference Service, I write to the senders thus:

Dear Sirs

I refer to your unsolicted communication of (date). Please note that I am not interested, and do not wish to hear from you again. Please remove my name from your mailing lists, and confirm in writing that you have done so within 14 days. After that time, if you send further unsolicited mail I will charge a handling fee of £25 for each item; it can be thrown away or returned to them (your choice). If you do not confirm removal of my name, or send further unsolicited mail, I will assume that you accept my terms and a contract will exist in law.

Yours etc,

This then sent in the prepaid envelope they have so thoughtfuly provided. Occasionally there is a response promising not to write to me again. Those that do not get a bill, and it's remarkable how many companies just pay up. Others need a bit of pressure: Norwich Union got their solicitor to write to say that it takes them 3 months to remove names from the list. I just said I'd see them in Small Claims Court, and a cheque for £75 and a note accusing me of bloody-mindedness winged its way back.

The AA coughed up after I pointed out that they had confirmed in writing that I would not be troubled again by them.

Barclays Bank sent me a 'goodwill payment' with a letter complimenting me on the humourous approach I had taken.

Try it!
quiller said:
Operator said:
When the phone rings pick it up and say

"Hi, I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza (sub: favourite food/whatever)"

I like to add a little surrealism to everyone's day.

calvin and hobbes.
Ok, I know I'm not being original with that one, but it is fun to do. Really confuses some people.
Phone rings, 3pm ....

Awol - 'Hello, Awol's house' etc

Smarmy Cnut - 'Oh, good afternoon sir, my name's Tarquin, calling from Annoying Bast.ardSalesLtd. Can I possibly interest you in the lease of a lama?'

Awol - 'Wow! A lama huh? Funny thing, was just talking to the family, cat's just died, and a lama is just what we're looking for! Isn't that spooky? In fact, how many have you got? We could use about a dozen'

Smarmy Cnut - (Confused) 'Oh, er, yes, great... then can I have your address, bank details, penis length, grannie's knickers etc...'

Awol- (interrupting) - 'Look, I'm sorry about this, the house has just caught fire, can I call you back later, say, about 8pm?'

Smarmy Cnut - 'Oh, er, the office will be closed then sir, I'll be off duty'

Awol - 'No problem, give me your home number, I'll call you at home.'

Smarmy Cnut - 'Er, um, I don't like taking business calls at home.'


Slams down phone and walks away whistling happily...
I bought my current house in the UK about 4 years ago. It was a bit of a state but had, as they say, "bags of potential"
Since then I have had everything you can have done, done.
New windows/doors,conservatory, guttering, fascias, soffits, dampcourse, central heating, broadband blah, blah, blah.
Its actually quite amusing when these t*ats ring and go through their spiel, to which I find myself replying, "Yeh, got it, that too, yeh that too, got it, got it, got it!"
You just know they dont believe it, and it obviously pi**es them off, but what goes around............
HAHAHA VB bloody good idea on the mail thing.

I tend to go on the attack and not let them get a word in edgeways - very easy with angry woman at maximum volume on line how many men will cut across you??

(spoken in rapid voice take no breaths)

"How the * did you get this number? I told <insert company name> to take me off the list 'king months ago. What kind of a shyster company are you working for? Where's you manager? This is a silent number. I specifically paid to be not bothered by c****s like you!! How did you get this number? Well how did you get the number? WELL ARE YOU GOING TO ANSWER ME???"
by this time usually totally stunned person on other end promises to never darken my phone line again :D
Wingman said:
That is a quality idea, i usually just post the empty pre paid envelopes back, and if they are not pre-paid i post them as well.
of course (and this has been done by people i work with) you can selotape the reply envelope to a brick/paving slab/used sofa and send it back. they sooooooon get the message (remember to add some message so they know who its from)

Gen up. this is legal, tape the reply envelope to a brick etc, take it to a post office and hand it over.

the offending company get the bill for underpayment of postage.

we employ a guy here to teach us all these little legal rights of end users etc being a company that has to mail shot people (pensions notifications not spam) so he was telling us how to combat spam in the post. v v interesting, he had one company who bugged him so he did the brick, again they wrote back, he sent a flagstone, they wrote back so he sent a sofa, they never wrote back.


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