Being dragged around the shops is a pain in the arrse, i despise shopping with a passion, but shopping on a Saturday is just f**king stupid. So, imagine my delight on being told by a bored looking shop assistant that there was "some German market fing sellin sossojiz 'nall dat malarkey innit" Well, obviously my ears pricked up... "beer?" I enquired trying to remain calm "Yeah, sum German beer 'n dat malarkey innit" That was it, i started straining against my leash and whimpering until finally with a heavy sigh i heard her say "go on then, but dont be too lo....".. didnt hear the rest as i was trampling small children to get out of the shop i was in and over to where the action was happening, i rounded the corner and there it was... a bratty stall .... and a beer tent ....i dribbled some pre cum into my pants but managed to restrain myself long enough to get in the queue for a bratty mit senf... pure f**king bliss... eat it in about 3.7 seconds, and narrowly avoided biting one or more of my fingers off, then on to the beer tent. Krombacher on draught, at a reasonable price... i knew even at this early stage i was in trouble, and coupled with the sun poking its head out every so often a good day of al fresco drinking and hi jinks were in the offing. Now, the town i live in isnt that big, and the fact a new drinking den had emerged sent the jungle drums into overtime and within an hour every miscreant, ne'er do well and p*ss head in the district was pin balling into the tent (it was 14:00 by this time most of them had been drunk since half past February) I distinctly remember being asked by a woman who looked like she's combed her hair with a toffee apple, and was wearing a fur coat and pink pyjamas if she could "have a sip" of my beer.... now the fact her mouth looked like a gun shot wound, and the flecks of "carpet" in the creases of her lips did put me off somewhat so i politely explained she should "get fucked".. to which i believe she took offence.... why am i such a f*cking looney magnet? I'd hooked up with a few old mates, and we were scooping Deutsche brew down like it was going out of fashion, when something in my head went "click" and i was transported back to the days of the squadron bar.... it was unavoidable really, all my senses being assailed with the smells and tastes of "der vaterland" ..... in my defence i didnt actually skiff anyone.... but a minor scuffle did break out behind me due to someone being hit in the ear with an empty bottle of kuemmerlings.... yeah.. they were selling that to... The only minor drawback was the fact that there were no toilet facilities in the bar, and once i have broken the seal i average one trip every other pint, so i was pin balling in and out McDonalds on a regular basis, until trip 7 or 8 when they'd coned off the upstairs... not to be put off i simply scaled the outside of the staircase when i heard "excuse me.. you cant go up there"... it was spotty ... the manager... I vaguely remember giving him my bestest nastiest face and growling "f*ck off johnny no stars I either go upstairs or lag up them ... your choice".... before continuing my journey, and upon finding all the lights off executing a perfect "blind wazz" with no splashes on myself whatsoever... mind you f*ck knows what the bogs were like.... To be honest the rest of the day is a bit of a haze, I vaguely remember either ringing or texting several fellow arrsers to taunt them, and next thing i was fully dressed on the sofa and it was dawn the next day .... the inbetween bit is all a bit fuzzy, no doubt i will be reminded of, and recollect the other stuff as the week progresses. Anyone else have a pleasant surprise/unexpected p*ss up this weekend?