Acceptable Christmas Presents for Ladies

Discussion in 'The Other Half' started by Boldnotold, Nov 3, 2010.

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  1. Boldnotold

    Boldnotold LE Book Reviewer

    Just had a look at the Amazon list above, and would like to offer some alternative suggestions for the more active lady, who’s less bothered about designer labels and keeping ‘on trend’!

    Experiences:

    Track day on her favourite car or bike
    Hire her favourite car for the day
    Day’s clay pigeon shooting
    Trip to an open day at Bisley
    Day’s coarse fishing
    Quadbiking
    Archery
    Balloon Trip

    Reading:

    Complete works of Austen, Dickens, Trollope, Orwell
    Anything getting at least four mushroom heads or wine glasses in the Arrse Book Club (buy through Amazon to help arrse)
    A magazine subscription. Whether she’s interested in history, astronomy, gardening, cars, biking, flower arranging or anything else, there’s a magazine for it!

    CDs:

    Complete ‘Smiley’ Radio four Boxed Set
    Goon Show, Round the Horne, I’m Sorry I haven’t a Clue – anything else from the Radio 4 CD collection.


    DVDs:

    My personal favourite ‘Assault on Precinct 13’
    ‘The Great Escape’ as it’s not shown on TV every year any more
    Boxed sets of CSI, NCIS, the Mentalist, Soap (the ultimate spoof of soaps), Cheers, Taxi

    Handy stuff:
    Tyre pump
    Jump Leads
    Car maintenance course
    Tool kit
    Her very own SHED
    Voucher(s) to get out of any household job at short notice
    Voucher(s) for a free night out while you look after the children

    Classes:
    Cookery
    Languages
    Aeorobics, pilates, yoga, gym, swimming and the TIME to do it!

    And finally, you can never go wrong with a case of decent champagne or a small item from Boodles’ catalogue!
     
  2. What about a new hoover or kettle?
     
  3. Boldnotold....is your wife a lumberjack called Jim??!!
     
  4. There's some pretty ******* iffy suggestions there.

    Trip to an open day at Bisley FFS. And coarse fishing. My missus would rather stab herself in the eyes with a rusty carrot than partake in that utter toilet.

    Keep it feminine. Pamper Day at some homo health farm-that'll work. Maybe's pay for a mucker of hers to go as well. They like doing shit like that together.
     
  5. I bet it's a laugh a minute round your house at Christmas.
     
  6. Give 'em a tea towel and tell them to dry the dishes.
     
  7. Stop being a **** and trying to make the rest of us look bad.

    Get her what we will all get them. Xmas eve you pop down the all night garage and get her a car cleaning kit or a some dead flowers.

    Flash git.
     
  8. As a woman I have to say that is possibly the worst list put together I have ever seen. For one thing - Austen? Trollope??? Unless we are illiterate (or have actual taste) then we already own the books (highly possibly suspiciously shiny and for show rather than reading for enjoyment). If we are the type to like shooting at Bisley then we compete and do it anyway (and on occasion outshoot men who can't multitask enough to judge the nightmare winds there), any man giving his wife a car maintenance course is liable to find pain in places that only a car exhaust pipe can reach and finally do you KNOW what women tend to do if men imply their cooking is no good by giving them a course in it?? Brave men cower from the sight of eggs for many years afterwards.

    None of the list above are liable to get you allowed a seat at the Christmas Dinner table and that level of displeasure means no chance at all of "thank you nookie" later.
     
  9. Whats wrong with getting flowers off a lampost that some chav hit at warp factor mong in his suped up Nova?
     
  10. In fact, **** it. Book the day at Bisley and watch her freeze to death on the 600m point whilst her fingers stick to the trigger guard of a 338.
     
  11. So what about my tea towel suggestion then?
     
  12. Well naturally tea towels have uses (whipping men who buy useless gifts)
     
  13. How about a pair of slippers and a dildo? If she doesn't like the slippers she can **** herself.
     
  14. It's much easier living with a man I just buy what I like and if he doesn't I use it or wear it myself.
     
  15. Nothing. Just remember to take the card reading R.I.P Gazza / Dazza / Tez off them first.