Acceptable Christmas Presents for Ladies

Boldnotold

LE
Book Reviewer
#1
Just had a look at the Amazon list above, and would like to offer some alternative suggestions for the more active lady, who’s less bothered about designer labels and keeping ‘on trend’!

Experiences:

Track day on her favourite car or bike
Hire her favourite car for the day
Day’s clay pigeon shooting
Trip to an open day at Bisley
Day’s coarse fishing
Quadbiking
Archery
Balloon Trip

Reading:

Complete works of Austen, Dickens, Trollope, Orwell
Anything getting at least four mushroom heads or wine glasses in the Arrse Book Club (buy through Amazon to help arrse)
A magazine subscription. Whether she’s interested in history, astronomy, gardening, cars, biking, flower arranging or anything else, there’s a magazine for it!

CDs:

Complete ‘Smiley’ Radio four Boxed Set
Goon Show, Round the Horne, I’m Sorry I haven’t a Clue – anything else from the Radio 4 CD collection.


DVDs:

My personal favourite ‘Assault on Precinct 13’
‘The Great Escape’ as it’s not shown on TV every year any more
Boxed sets of CSI, NCIS, the Mentalist, Soap (the ultimate spoof of soaps), Cheers, Taxi

Handy stuff:
Tyre pump
Jump Leads
Car maintenance course
Tool kit
Her very own SHED
Voucher(s) to get out of any household job at short notice
Voucher(s) for a free night out while you look after the children

Classes:
Cookery
Languages
Aeorobics, pilates, yoga, gym, swimming and the TIME to do it!

And finally, you can never go wrong with a case of decent champagne or a small item from Boodles’ catalogue!
 
#4
There's some pretty ******* iffy suggestions there.

Trip to an open day at Bisley FFS. And coarse fishing. My missus would rather stab herself in the eyes with a rusty carrot than partake in that utter toilet.

Keep it feminine. Pamper Day at some homo health farm-that'll work. Maybe's pay for a mucker of hers to go as well. They like doing shit like that together.
 
#5
Reading:

Complete works of Austen, Dickens, Trollope, Orwell
Anything getting at least four mushroom heads or wine glasses in the Arrse Book Club (buy through Amazon to help arrse)
A magazine subscription. Whether she’s interested in history, astronomy, gardening, cars, biking, flower arranging or anything else, there’s a magazine for it!

CDs:

Complete ‘Smiley’ Radio four Boxed Set
Goon Show, Round the Horne, I’m Sorry I haven’t a Clue – anything else from the Radio 4 CD collection.
I bet it's a laugh a minute round your house at Christmas.
 
#7
Stop being a **** and trying to make the rest of us look bad.

Get her what we will all get them. Xmas eve you pop down the all night garage and get her a car cleaning kit or a some dead flowers.

Flash git.
 
#8
As a woman I have to say that is possibly the worst list put together I have ever seen. For one thing - Austen? Trollope??? Unless we are illiterate (or have actual taste) then we already own the books (highly possibly suspiciously shiny and for show rather than reading for enjoyment). If we are the type to like shooting at Bisley then we compete and do it anyway (and on occasion outshoot men who can't multitask enough to judge the nightmare winds there), any man giving his wife a car maintenance course is liable to find pain in places that only a car exhaust pipe can reach and finally do you KNOW what women tend to do if men imply their cooking is no good by giving them a course in it?? Brave men cower from the sight of eggs for many years afterwards.

None of the list above are liable to get you allowed a seat at the Christmas Dinner table and that level of displeasure means no chance at all of "thank you nookie" later.
 
#9
Stop being a **** and trying to make the rest of us look bad.

Get her what we will all get them. Xmas eve you pop down the all night garage and get her a car cleaning kit or a some dead flowers.

Flash git.
Whats wrong with getting flowers off a lampost that some chav hit at warp factor mong in his suped up Nova?
 
#11
As a woman I have to say that is possibly the worst list put together I have ever seen. For one thing - Austen? Trollope??? Unless we are illiterate then we already ownthe books (highly possibly suspiciously shiny and for show rather than reading for enjoyment). If we are the type to like shooting at Bisley then we compete and do it anyway (and on occasion outshoot men who can't multitask enough to judge the nightmare winds there), any man giving his wife a car maintenance course is liable to find pain in places that only a car exhaust pipe can reach and finally do you KNOW what women tend to do if men imply their cooking is no good by giving them a course in it?? Brave men cower from the sight of eggs for many years afterwards.

None of the list above are liable to get you allowed a seat at the Christmas Dinner table and that level of displeasure means no chance at all of "thank you nookie" later.
So what about my tea towel suggestion then?
 
P

PrinceAlbert

Guest
#13
How about a pair of slippers and a dildo? If she doesn't like the slippers she can **** herself.
 
#15
Whats wrong with getting flowers off a lampost that some chav hit at warp factor mong in his suped up Nova?
Nothing. Just remember to take the card reading R.I.P Gazza / Dazza / Tez off them first.
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#16
Bugger so my idea of letting her choose some jewellery was a complete waste of time them, better take it back then, the red high heeled boots as well.
 

Pararegtom

LE
Book Reviewer
#17
A Shed, a fecking Shed great Idea why didn,t I think of that for a suprise gift for Christmas , would look great under the tree are you on Prozac!!!
 
#18
As a woman I have to say that is possibly the worst list put together I have ever seen. For one thing - Austen? Trollope??? Unless we are illiterate (or have actual taste) then we already own the books (highly possibly suspiciously shiny and for show rather than reading for enjoyment). If we are the type to like shooting at Bisley then we compete and do it anyway (and on occasion outshoot men who can't multitask enough to judge the nightmare winds there), any man giving his wife a car maintenance course is liable to find pain in places that only a car exhaust pipe can reach and finally do you KNOW what women tend to do if men imply their cooking is no good by giving them a course in it?? Brave men cower from the sight of eggs for....blah blah

Based on that ******* bilious diatribe the most fitting gift for you on Xmas day would be to have your head smashed off the kitchen worktop a few times.

You referral to sex as 'nookie' also assures me that you **** like alf garnett plays 5 a side, slow, moany and with creaky knees....
 
#19
Bugger so my idea of letting her choose some jewellery was a complete waste of time them, better take it back then, the red high heeled boots as well.
Now that's more like it! If you choose to buy her a cookery lesson and a day at the ranges instead, can you send me the jewellery and boots?
 
#20
Just had a look at the Amazon list above, and would like to offer some alternative suggestions for the more active lady, who’s less bothered about designer labels and keeping ‘on trend’!

Experiences:

Track day on her favourite car or bike - why I already know how to drive?
Hire her favourite car for the day - I prefer my own car
Day’s clay pigeon shooting - so I can shoot you?
Trip to an open day at Bisley - Why would I want to go there?
Day’s coarse fishing - Can I use you as bait?
Quadbiking - Excellent fun, but when I fall of and end up a paraplegic are you going to spend the rest of your life washing my ass?
Archery - Already know how to do this, why would I want more lessons?
Balloon Trip - Yeah cause I'm not scared of heights

Reading:

Complete works of Austen, Dickens, Trollope, Orwell - Orwell was a dick, Austen very drab, Dickens was mildly entertaining and Trollope was very uninteresting
Anything getting at least four mushroom heads or wine glasses in the Arrse Book Club (buy through Amazon to help arrse) - Not bad, can never have to many wine glasses, but as a preesent, they would be broken on your head
A magazine subscription. Whether she’s interested in history, astronomy, gardening, cars, biking, flower arranging or anything else, there’s a magazine for it!
- Yes because I'm female I really need to know how to arrange posy's
CDs:

Complete ‘Smiley’ Radio four Boxed Set - WTF is that?
Goon Show, Round the Horne, I’m Sorry I haven’t a Clue – anything else from the Radio 4 CD collection. - Radio 4!! I'm not that bloody old


DVDs:

My personal favourite ‘Assault on Precinct 13’ - never heard of it
‘The Great Escape’ as it’s not shown on TV every year any more - already own it
Boxed sets of CSI, NCIS, the Mentalist, Soap (the ultimate spoof of soaps), Cheers, Taxi - never heard of any of these

Handy stuff:
Tyre pump - What for? the garage look after my car just great thanks
Jump Leads - could have come in hand when I forgot to turn the lights off, but as that was the first time since I learnt to drive I will pass, the AA do come out you know
Car maintenance course - Why I have the mechanic on speed dial
Tool kit - I already have all the 'power' tools I need, but thanks
Her very own SHED - Is this where you would be sleeping?
Voucher(s) to get out of any household job at short notice - Why cash works better
Voucher(s) for a free night out while you look after the children - Children?!! Hopefully your shooting blanks

Classes:
Cookery - I already cook better then your mother
Languages - Do you not understand **** OFF in English?
Aeorobics, pilates, yoga, gym, swimming and the TIME to do it! - Already have the time, just can't be bothered

And finally, you can never go wrong with a case of decent champagne or a small item from Boodles’ catalogue! - WTF is Boodles? And you couldn't afford what I prefer to drinkk

Is that simple enough for you?

TPBD
 

Similar threads

Latest Threads

Top