Acceptable behaviour????

#1
I find myself in need of advice.

Recently my interest in playing Call of Duty 5 wearing nothing but a German helmet has been called into question! I can’t really see what the problem is… the helmet is original! :lol:

This wasn’t a problem previously, but my partner (female) has recently moved in and is expressing concerns. To ease her worries…. I have taken to smearing myself with Lemon Curd during game play to detract attention away from the helmet. I mean…. I don’t wanna seem weird do i?

Is this acceptable behaviour? Or should I lose the Lemon Curd?

Any advice appreciated.
 
#2
Playing COD 5 is nothing more than a desire to remain linked to your past, including past girlfriends and farm animal companions. This is where your girl's concerns lie. Order a beta test of futuristic COD series game "Starwarriors of Ng", due out in shops next year. This will show her you are cutting those ties, looking for a future and at last able to embrace commitment.
 
#3
Now you are in a relationship maybe it's time to grow up a bit.

Why not get yourself a nice moped and use your German tin lid as a crash helmet.
This could open a whole new social life for you and imagine the admiring glances you will get from your local Hells Angels Chapter.
 
#4
You may like to try wearing Cod 5 (all its good for) and playing the helmet, like a drum is one suggestion but feel free to improvise here.

This will help spice up your love life as well as confirming that your girlfriend loves you warts and all.

If that fails post me COD5 and I will dispose of it in a humane manner and you can return to COD4 whilst wearing that fetching two piece number that we all know you like so much.

Regards.
 
#5
Your girlfriend moved in with you in your mom's basement? :? How does your mom feel about that? :?

You need more balance in your life. Get some fresh air and exercise by playing soccer after school. Join the scouts or the cadet force. Spending time playing video games in darkened rooms is bad for a growing lad like you. :wink:
 

Mr_Fingerz

LE
Book Reviewer
#6
Doogonk said:
I find myself in need of advice.

Recently my interest in playing Call of Duty 5 wearing nothing but a German helmet has been called into question! I can’t really see what the problem is… the helmet is original! :lol:

This wasn’t a problem previously, but my partner (female) has recently moved in and is expressing concerns. To ease her worries…. I have taken to smearing myself with Lemon Curd during game play to detract attention away from the helmet. I mean…. I don’t wanna seem weird do i?

Is this acceptable behaviour? Or should I lose the Lemon Curd?

Any advice appreciated.
Lose the lemon curd - far too sweet. Replace it with marmite. :D
 
#8
Hmm, some interesting alternatives here! Not sure about the Marmite option! I've tried it before and it doesn't half smart if you get it in your eye!!!!! :evil:

I'm totally on board with the notion of joining a Youth organisation.... but not sure i could afford all the Werthers Originals that seem to be part of the job spec.

As for COD4.... i gave it a go but found that the respirator was restricting airflow during tense engagements. I did however, manage to overcome the "smoking" problem by widening the end of the drinking tube.... genius!

Nope.... it's COD5 for me.... and lemon curd unless somebody can come up with a viable option.

Many thanx for the suggestions so far. Keep em cominig troops.... this could save my relationship this could.
 
#9
Have you tried getting your girlfriend to join you in this game? Maybe she just feels left out. Buy a few SS outfits for her, or even let her try the lemon curd thing, the important thing is yous are spending time together.


Oh and if you want to take a few pictures and post them on here......
 
#10
Try a mk 6 Kevlar gives more protection than the old German coal scuttle this should tick all her boxes
 
#11
This all sounds slightly post Jungian. You'll remember, of course, that Jung emphasized the importance of balance and harmony. He cautioned that modern people rely too heavily on science and logic and would benefit from integrating spirituality and appreciation of unconscious realms.

In my very humble opinion, therefore, you need to mix the curd with some skunk seeds and, before you enter the COD5 fray, pop a couple of amyl nitrate. If you don't have some sort of trancsendental out-of-your-mind, you-can't-fuck-it skirmishes with the baddies in Berlin I'll lick the curd off for you.

Hope this helps.
 
#12
NAAFI bar or not! ... the first person to suggest that this gentleman should smear lemon curd on this helmet is barred! (my personal preference is for marmite) :wink:
 
#14
Archangel said:
NAAFI bar or not! ... the first person to suggest that this gentleman should smear lemon curd on this helmet is barred! (my personal preference is for marmite) :wink:
My preference is for Bovril.
& my dogs like it too, judging by the licking they give my plums as I shot my load into the Opfor on COD4. :wink:
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#15
Have you tried sitting, when playing COD5, with your nuts dangling in a glass of Ouzo?
 
#16
B_AND_T said:
Have you tried sitting, when playing COD5, with your nuts dangling in a glass of Ouzo?
Yeah - thought of that, but then parked it when I thought of the Beagle pack that would inevitably follow me around for weeks afterwards. I wouldn't mind, but the missus would find it a tad worrying as I sauntered around Lidl.
 
#17
Storeman Norman said:
B_AND_T said:
Have you tried sitting, when playing COD5, with your nuts dangling in a glass of Ouzo?
Yeah - thought of that, but then parked it when I thought of the Beagle pack that would inevitably follow me around for weeks afterwards. I wouldn't mind, but the missus would find it a tad worrying as I sauntered around Lidl.
Your nuts have been dangled in ouzo for years - ever since you took to wearing a second-hand codpiece on your head and plaiting your pubes into dreadlocks.

As for strolling around Lidl - if I remembr correctly you were knicked by some flatulent, imbecile of a monkey (which hardly narrows down the field)in 1987 for ambling into a clip-joint in Paderborn wearing nothing but a smile, a lobon and half a jar of marmite smeared over your ring. IIRC there were two labradors and one poodle licking your furry balls as you giggled at the chimp slapping handcuffs on you shouted at the top of your squeeky vice "YOU FECKING MONKEYS - YOU'RE ONLY HAPPY SWINGING FROM TREES AND SCOFFING BANNANAS."
 
#18
tattybadger said:
if I remembr correctly you were knicked by some flatulent, imbecile of a monkey (which hardly narrows down the field)in 1987 for ambling into a clip-joint in Paderborn wearing nothing but a smile, a lobon and half a jar of marmite smeared over your ring. IIRC there were two labradors and one poodle licking your furry balls as you giggled at the chimp slapping handcuffs on you shouted at the top of your squeeky vice "YOU FECKING MONKEYS - YOU'RE ONLY HAPPY SWINGING FROM TREES AND SCOFFING BANNANAS."
And this is an arrestable offence in a German clip joint, is it? Purleeeze!

Wasn't he really nicked for dropping his 'bratty' wrappers on the strasse outside?
 
#19
walt_of_the_walts said:
tattybadger said:
if I remembr correctly you were knicked by some flatulent, imbecile of a monkey (which hardly narrows down the field)in 1987 for ambling into a clip-joint in Paderborn wearing nothing but a smile, a lobon and half a jar of marmite smeared over your ring. IIRC there were two labradors and one poodle licking your furry balls as you giggled at the chimp slapping handcuffs on you shouted at the top of your squeeky vice "YOU FECKING MONKEYS - YOU'RE ONLY HAPPY SWINGING FROM TREES AND SCOFFING BANNANAS."
And this is an arrestable offence in German clip joint, is it? He was really done for littering outside on the strasse, wasn't he?
No - the Monkey knicked him under section 27 of the AA 19955, in that he was impersonating an officer (namely OC of the Monkey Coy) by using marmite as an aide to bestiality. Needless to say, despite the overwhelming eveidence against him, he got off the charge because, as we all know, 'monkeys never get their man'.
 
#20
tattybadger said:
walt_of_the_walts said:
tattybadger said:
if I remembr correctly you were knicked by some flatulent, imbecile of a monkey (which hardly narrows down the field)in 1987 for ambling into a clip-joint in Paderborn wearing nothing but a smile, a lobon and half a jar of marmite smeared over your ring. IIRC there were two labradors and one poodle licking your furry balls as you giggled at the chimp slapping handcuffs on you shouted at the top of your squeeky vice "YOU FECKING MONKEYS - YOU'RE ONLY HAPPY SWINGING FROM TREES AND SCOFFING BANNANAS."
And this is an arrestable offence in German clip joint, is it? He was really done for littering outside on the strasse, wasn't he?
No - the Monkey knicked him under section 27 of the AA 19955, in that he was impersonating an officer (namely OC of the Monkey Coy) by using marmite as an aide to bestiality. Needless to say, despite the overwhelming eveidence against him, he got off the charge because, as we all know, 'monkeys never get their man'.
This from the man who was caught raping a feral cat in his block. Never mind lemon curd, he had bound the fukcer with black nasty and was seen chasing the animal around the room, only slightly hampered by his 2" engorged manhood. Sweating like a Para in a spelling test, he was eventually apprehended whilst giving said animal the full benefit of his blue veined yogurt chucker.
 

Similar threads

New Posts

Latest Threads