Abusive poetry

Although we appear to have been balked on the "Stalkers poetry" thread, I feel that the idea is too good to let go, and I would like to start a free style abusive poetry thread. Here we go, arf, arf... :twisted:

Of twenty years hence I have a vision,
of a slack-jawed Mong, the cause of much derision,
cleft of palate and green of tooth,
he earns spare coin mopping out a w*nking booth,
so who is this beast slouching to Blackpool to be born?
and from which two Arrsers shall he spawn?
their calipered legs the cause of shambling gait,
why, 'tis the verminous union of MDN and Cait!


As I sat upon the trap, I heard a scratching at the door,
a near my bat-clad feet, I espied a misshapen head close to the floor,
sweaty of brow and wall of eye,
'twas the Lord Flasheart come to surveil my old Mud-Pie,
tho' such a hullabaloo I did make,
his Lordship rapidly his leave did take,
but hark! what is this eldritch whine?
'tis Flashy cutting a 30mm hole oh so fine,
and through the gap came his twitching schlong,
tho' in truth, 'twere not so long,
but a howl of outrage I did make,
and back through the hole his poo-encrusted Hampton did snake,
and on his knees, he did lisp; "tho thorry, old fella",
"for in truth, I deemed you to be Aunty Thtella".
In a trailer in the woods,
Corps and Ctauch pound each other's puds,
on soiled bedding beneath embroidered Elvis's stern gaze,
they lay amidst a post coital Marlborough's haze,
and for the further exercise of their c*cks,
they keep Ctauch's limbless momma in a box,
Oiled, powdered, washed and shaved,
two years pocket money for this day has Biscuits saved,
walking through the woods so fair,
Biscuits is in search of a moustachioed bear,
anon, in a sun-blessed glen,
he espies a hairy scaffolder named Len,
twenty three shillings and thruppence Biscuits takes from his bag,
so that Len may give him a hoop like a Japanese Flag.


A wealthy young matelot called Bern
was resupplied quite frequently astern
He also sucked c*ck
Like it was Edinburgh rock
And each time a fiver he'd earn!


HE had an arrse like a blood orange
which his mother found very strange
for each time he bent down
he'd cover her in brown
and the klingons on his arse she'd arrange


In the Navy
with your bell bottoms round your knees
In the Navy
The Captains manfat makes you sneeze
In the NAvy
you can suck the Bo'suns c*ck
In the NAvy
they like to do that quite a lot!
Biscuits, I am glad that you join me in verse,
though your meter is a bit terse,
a fiver you say that I earn,
tho' in you rubber do punters burn,
for your customers you remove your false choppers,
and even supply all the poppers.


The Captain said
Bern I'll show you the Golden Rivet,
Just you come with me downstairs for a while
I've got a great big c*ck, upon which Bern you can pivot
and on Bernies face there grew a big smile!


Oh, a life on the Ocean wave
will make a man out of you,
why just suck on the Captains c*ck
When you can suck on the Admiral's too


bernoulli said:
Biscuit's Starfish is bloodied and slack,
and resembles that of a Yak,
it gapes like the Rio Grando,
and has hosted most of 42 commando.
That was dross. You peaked too early.


No, that was funny. Your's was dross. It was blunt, boring even. It displayed all the effort of a freshly buggered ships cat.

You need some sleep Sailor Boy..........but not in the Bos'uns hammock!
Two queens called biscuits and bernie,
Who's **** antics saw them in the ER on a gurney,
Said biscuits to bern, as a taker its your turn,
Bern refused as his hole was too spermy.

Quick, shit but i'm full of vodka!!

In the gloaming of the dawn,
the mark of the shovel scars the cemetary lawn,
'tis Boney and Biscuits on an amorous mission,
for only from the dead and the ripe do they receive true submission,
for while they may team a living thlid,
their true frisson comes from the squeal of the casket lid,
lefty loosey, righty tighty, the screws do Biscuits confound,
while over his greasy locks, does Boney his pud pound,
finally into the grey light of the day,
is exposed their mouldering prey,
but into the depths of despair they do dive,
for the cadaver is female, and under the age of eighty-five...

And as i have absolutely no poetic skill, I'll leave you to joust,

With bern anally taking a panzer faust,

With the bomb in his bum, he exclaimed "oh such fun",

Grease another, i can take two herr claus.


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