Abusing Officers Dogs.....

#1
An OC of mine recently regaled me with a true story of the ultimate abuse of a Rodney’s dog. Apparently when the said OC was a Tom in NI in the late 70s, the OC of the time used to swan in with Benji the f**king black Labrador at 0900hrs every morning. His first IA was to turf the hound out into the compound to undo its dung-button. Several dog’s eggs later, our hero the Tom was despatched with a GS shovel and burn bag to pick up the offending turds for disposal. Needless to say, the young Tom got a little pizzed off having to clean up numerous lawn sausages everyday.

He decided that revenge was due – but not on the Rodney, oh no, on the dog. Alongside the compound was a 27.5 KVA as TSB power, which was housed in a sound-proofed room within the RADCEN. The generator had to be ‘wound up’ every Monday to make sure it ran smoothly. As the OC arrived, Benji duly coiled off a f**king great big ‘dead otter’, our hero snapped. He fired up the generator and threw the unsuspecting woofer into the gene room. FOR a F**KING hour. Needless to say, Benji was not issued with Amplivox.

When the dog was released, it was completely disoriented and deaf as a f**king post. Was our hero satisfied…..?? oh no. As a final spiteful act of revenge, he called the rest of the shift out and proceeded to w*nk Benji off in front of 3 of his mates. Quite what was going through our hero’s mind is beyond me…!! Wanking a dog off because you have to clean up its shite..?? Strange.

Quote ironically and without any good explanation, our hero the Tom now owns 2 f**king black labs, but not a 27.5 KVA gene......

Have you Arrsers any other stories of ritual abuse of Officers’ dogs at the hands of the lads….???
 

chimera

LE
Moderator
#2
Hopefully some gunner will tell us the one about shoving the dog in the breech in front of a 155 shell........

Not that I've heard it before mind...
 
#3
Bodger The Adjt's Dog

Many moons ago in Wolfenbuttel the Adjt of the day had a dog called "Bodger". Bodger was renown for his complete disobodience and his ability to just wander about willy nilly. Sadly, many a Friday, Bodger would disappear only to re-appear on Monday in various colours, states of hairyness or not or just pissed. The fact that most dogs look like their owners will explain the Adjt....................the dog was a little Jack Russel. And yes he got hand relief in the Sqn blocks, not amusing I know but .............................it was the Adjt's dog Tee hee!
 
#4
we had an offficers dog, in 35 engr regt in the 80's, who liked it up the arse but the afore-mentioned officer would not do it so she always came to the sqn bar to get sorted out.

not strictly a canine related story but she was a right dog.
 
#5
I gave the Gammys old knackered dog a boot in the love spuds at Harrogate. Mangy fcuking thing.
 
#6
The Captain of RNAS Culdrose used to bring his labrador puppy in for walkies, etc by the office junior (ie me) in the mid 80s. Having had enough of walking this mobile shite machine around an airbase, I fed it paper. In fact, I fed it everything, including classified waste (won't find that in the JSP!). Problem only came when I got lazy with the staples, and it was taken in for surgery. I don't think he trusted me to walk it after that, and the job was given to someone else......
 
#7
My old signals Sgt had a great dane..... the dirty old git used to menstruate all over the sigs bay, and if your weren't stepping in dog jam you were standing in donkey slavver, it was fcukign huge.

You should have seen it jump when its cnut was wired up to a set of 100 amp hour CP batteries. :D
 
#8
I have no idea if it is true or not but apparently dogs are not affected by CS gas. Rumour has it that a certain officer's dog was kidnapped and put in the gas chamber along with the requisite handful of CS Tablets. Officer in question went looking for his dog and, upon spotting it apparently quite happy but trapped in the empty chamber, assumed the air was clear of gas and went in to get the dog. The rest, as they say, is history.
 
#9
chimera said:
Hopefully some gunner will tell us the one about shoving the dog in the breech in front of a 155 shell........

Not that I've heard it before mind...
wah wah wah there was this time in Larkhill.....

Seriously though that is by far the biggest urban legend in RA history, I first heard it in the late 80's but I am sure it goes way way back, I'm sure some steamy will claim that his ex-BQMS's Brothers mate was in the Battery next to the said incident

Either that or the bloody plain is littered with the little sods
 
#10
wellyhead said:
chimera said:
Either that or the bloody plain is littered with the little sods
Littered with little dogs. I see what you did there, very good!
 
#11
Whilst on a Boz tour... Every morning at 0800hrs, the Tp Commd's dog would be fed large quantities of black coffee followed by a good old toke of butane from a lighter re-fill. That was one hyperactive mutt! Eventually, after much practice chasing cars, the unlucky litte sod actually caught one. It took 2 spare 9mm rounds and a brick to finish him off.
 
#12
Why get upset with the boss's dog? It's only doing what comes naturally. Far better to make the best of a bad situation and use the dog's eggs for something practical- like leaving little presents in the Adj's desk drawer (where he keeps all his pens) jacket pockets, hat, boots etc. (It doesn't necessarily have to be the Adj- this is strictly hypothetical and I am in no way speaking from experience regarding the cnut in question. BTW It works even better when the Adj knows that the boss thinks he's a cnut too.)

I guess playing "red rocket" with the hound is an army-only thing. However, I dare say the boot of someone you don't like would prove to be an ideal recepticle. If it's good enough for highjinks in the drying room in Grantown on Spey...
 
#13
There was a QM at 7 Sigs who had a dog that always walked 50 yards in front of him, as a wee siggy we used to just stand to attension and salute, it was like an early warning for the evil old swine, loved that dog we did you saw him and knew you had about 1 min to either leg it or look busy. We got it minced in the rest room once and it was sick in the veh pit, we left it there as a mark of respect.
 
#14
wellyhead said:
chimera said:
Hopefully some gunner will tell us the one about shoving the dog in the breech in front of a 155 shell........

Not that I've heard it before mind...
wah wah wah there was this time in Larkhill.....

Seriously though that is by far the biggest urban legend in RA history, I first heard it in the late 80's but I am sure it goes way way back, I'm sure some steamy will claim that his ex-BQMS's Brothers mate was in the Battery next to the said incident

Either that or the bloody plain is littered with the little sods
Ummm...now bear with me. I'm a member of the RSPCA but there are some things that need sorting in one's life...

A select band of brothers once decided to put this little gem of a myth to the test. As luck would have it, there was a particularly odious IG who always turned up with his yappy little hound in tow. 'Oho!' we thunk, as destiny took a hand in proceedings.

To cut and long and - for some - painful story short, it is all but impossible to put a dog of any sort of reasonable size inside a chamber once a shell is loaded, with charge bags as well.

That's not to say it couldn't be done, however, although I imagine that the rifling would take a fearful hammering from the...ahem...collar.
 
#15
Many a dinner time at 15 Sigs was spent feeding chips to the Traffic Officer's dog. Every morning after he'd come into work begging us to stop because it would go home and puke all over his furniture.
 
#16
On a slight detour, there was an odious Wrens Officer at Raleigh who should have found a home from home in a forest in Bedfordshire, she was naturally an evil bitch, but she had a weakness (don't they all). Daddy Longlegs sent her rigid with fear and she had been known to pass out and/or vomit. She had a lovely pair of brown gloves, which one summer morning were filled with Daddy Longlegs, alive and dead. Such naughty trainees we had at the time....! Once she had completed her morning vitriol-spilling, ego-boosting screaming session, she walked from the block with gloves in hand. Slightly out of view, an almighty shriek was heard. As a trained 1st aider, and keen to give assistance, I was round the corner quite quickly, to be confronted by a wobbling, heaving mass of puke, trying to get one glove off her hand whilst throwing the other as far as possible. The eyes rolled back, she gave a final vomit, and then collapsed in a shitty heap.

I'm not sure who was convulsing more, her in her fit or me with laughter. She left Raleigh shortly after that.
 
#17
The dog, two and a half square load story works if a)it was an 8" gun and b)you have a shovel and the will to bury an 8" proj....it happened once and now every one from Light Gun M118 to MLRS wants a piece of the action. The owner of the dog was called J***** and the dog was a particularly nasty white Jack Russell. Ask someone from 39 Hy....
 
#18
TP cmdr's dog in baisc was a rescure mutt from Battersea it was a right gobshite til you got close to it then it'd run away was nothing better than letting it get close and startle it watching a dog trying to run on a buffed marble type floor was a scream it would ebd up sliding down the coridor banging off the walls like a pinba;; machine :twisted:
 
#19
RRF MTO had a mutt, right pain in the arse. Whilst he was out we used to feed it on full boxes of mars bars (48 bars) then leave it in the office with the heat full on. The MTO could never understand why his dog was puking and sh**ting every where. This dog was also an early warning system. Only problem was we knocked it out one time. Should have seen the panic that ensued!!!!
 
#20
Keyboardwarrior said:
I have no idea if it is true or not but apparently dogs are not affected by CS gas. Rumour has it that a certain officer's dog was kidnapped and put in the gas chamber along with the requisite handful of CS Tablets. Officer in question went looking for his dog and, upon spotting it apparently quite happy but trapped in the empty chamber, assumed the air was clear of gas and went in to get the dog. The rest, as they say, is history.
The CS thing is true, spraying a mutt only makes it wet far better off placing a batton in its head.
Thats when we were allowed to use CS before they decided that it might make someone ill so came up with the PAVA crap....does that work on dogs?......Doesnt work on people.
 

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