Abuse of sea life.

As mentioned in a previous post last week saw us trekking up country to get away from things for a night or two.

My nipper joined us on the second day, so to pass time and to keep her entertained we took her to Mundomar, basically a Spanish sea world only smaller and less burger stands and a populous that doesn't have a BMI of 80

One of my all time favourite past times is aggravating animals, so I quietly set myself up for an afternoon of amusement at the cost of the residents of the place.

Meerkats were the first, you could practically lean over and touch them, but due to a previous experience I knew that wasn't wise, so whilst no one was looking I hocked up an enormous greeny right on one of the little cnuts face! It fcuked off sharpish, completely unamused, but to top it off, when the doris asked what I was laughing at, my nipper replied 'Daddys being horrid to animals again'

Next were the penguins, for a euro you can buy a bucket of fish and feed the snappy cnuts. I waited until everyone had used thiers and cleared off, then went to the pond / pool thing and leaned over, winning the friendship of a middle aged, clearly female. I calmy fed her, until she was eating out of my hand, trusting me. I bitch slapped the stupid cunt knocking it back into the water. Obviously this made me laugh uncontrollably, still giggling as we approached the Lemurs. Sadly they were caged and couldnt get near them.

During the afternoon I gobbed on parrot and a small marmoset, also tried to peel the shell of off a giant tortoise, but failed dismally.

The highlight was waiting at the top of the hill, there was a dolphin show, which in fairness was absolutely fantastic, and thoughts of aniimal cruelty subsided for a short spell.

Afterwards there was an opportunity to have a piccy taken, so the little one queued and had the photo taken and i parted with more cash. Thats were she saw a sign '55 Euros, swim with Dolphins' I got the doe eyed look, I crumbled and handed over the cash, then got conned, if a nipper is under 12 she has to be accompanied by an adult, another 80 fucking euros, I paid and we donned a pair of previously pissed in wet suits.

The interaction, it has to be said was awesome, but all the time, we were told to avoid thier eyes and blow holes. Now to a sereal animal harmer that was like a red rag to a bull, but because they were very cute, clever and well trained any thoughts vanished until they said we had a free swim with them. This was my chance I thought 'I'm gonna knack flipper'

The moment arose, no eyes were upon me, the nipper had two adults swimming round here whilst I was arsing about with a young 4 year old. the devil appeared on one shoulder, ten times the size of the good fairy on the other and soon a thumb was on its way to its right eye and two fingers plunging into its blow hole.

Big mistake, the fucking thing nearly cleared the fucking pool and into the ionosphere. It went stark raving mad, I genuinely didn't expect a responce like that. Am just glad its angry jolting didn't catch me in the balls. Obviosuly I did the valiant thing and made for the side and leapt out before it had my leg off, valiantly bravely my nipper with its now curious mum and dad. Guilt came over me, when the waterworks started and the trainer / keeper, leapt in to console the shocked dolphin. Our experience was cut short and we got a full refund and an invite back next time we were in town. Excellent I thought, I can stab a seal, as I pissed in the wetsuit and hung it back on the rack.

Has anyone else damaged any mid sized sea mammals?
In the 70's Dudley Zoo had a Killer Whale named 'Cuddles' in a concrete built pool that would today be condemned as cruelly unexceptable. Anyway, one night some drunken lads climbed over the fence of the adjoining 'Freightliner' depot and into the zoo. With thoughts of Captain Ahab and Kweeqay, several rusty iron railings were appropriated from a nearby pen containing those little kangaroo type things that live in Derbyshire, and the hunt was on......Next morning the keepers arrived to find 'Cuddles' swimming around his pool with two railings stuck in him and others, with assorted bricks, masonry and a litter bin lying in the bottom of the pool.

Thankfully 'Cuddles' made a full recovery. The would- be- whalers were never apprehended.


Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
I saw a killer whale get properly fucked up by a ship's propeller once.

Stupid cunt was happily jumping up and down in the ship's wake until it decided to headbutt 2 tons of admiralty brass spinning round at a rapid rate of knots. It didn't die though, it just bled a lot and fucked off looking annoyed.

I also fired a 20mm gun at a floating blue whale once which was pretty cool, but it had already carked it so I suppose that doesn't really count.
Our Skipper whilst we were on fishey protection lobbed 6 MK10 mortars into a huge shoal of cod that had deen picked up on sonar. Quite a few trawlers had their best catch in years but you can only eat so much fish after it was on the menu for breakfast, dinner and supper.
I shagged a whale in a bus shelter in Wales once when on an All Arms Air Defence Course. There's lovely, now.
Id pay good dollars to see a sea lion get punched about a bit!!!


Not so much a midsize mammal as a fucking big mammal-a beached whale. I fucked her up good. Dirty whore.


War Hero
Book Reviewer
Early 70's serving on LCT 's out of HMS Gunwharf I wondered why one of the deckies kept begging sausages off me, they weren't that tasty. Then I spotted him putting bits of wire from the tops of potato sacks into said bangers and throwing them gleefully into the flock of shitehawks that followed us about. He took a strange delight in watching his victims plummet seaward. He was a scouser, perhaps that explains it.


Book Reviewer
I'd pay good money to see someone try to punch a sea lion without wearing an EOD bombsuit...

Are you volunteering?

One of those f@ckers chased me for about half a mile along Berther's beach one morning when I was pinching sand , one of my mates rammed it with a Volvo, It was f@cking huge much bigger than the one's in Bristol zoo and it could move like a racehorse
Fuck it, after a few stellas i always get the urge to punch something hairy greasy and smelling of fish...

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