Abstinence only

#1
A Celebration of non-penetration

Can't........breathe...........for............laughing :lol: :lol:

Group Abstinence: Expressing your love through erotic sex play without penetration or dangerous exchanges of bodily fluids requires just one thing: Trust.

When three or more faith partners do it, it's called
"Cluster-trusting".

Remember, everything's more fun when the whole gang gets involved, so next time your Church group gets together, instead of another boring old bake sale, why not film the whole lot of you dry-humping, faith-fcuking and masturbating each other and send the tape to us! We'll pay you twice as much as you'd make selling cookies! (Adults only please)
8O
 
#3
take a look in the anal abstinence section pmsl

Take your penis and rub it against your faith partner’s buttocks until erect. Now straddle your partner and slide the underside of your penis back and forth along the crack of your faith partner’s ass. Do not, we repeat DO NOT penetrate your faith partner’s anus with your penis! Good boy.

Continue sliding your prayer rod back and forth along the cleft of your faith partner’s ass faster and faster so that your testicles slap against the juncture of their buttocks and thigh. As you approach orgasm we suggest firmly pressing the head of the penis against the small of the back or the top of one buttock cheek, taking care not to let any semen or ejaculate approach the anus. There, wasn’t that fun?

 
#5
Rigorously rub your face, body and genitalia against those of your faith partner until orgasm. (Also known as 'faith-fucking')
That not c*ck teasing :twisted:
 
#6
ok minxy wtf was you looking for to come across that? I think you have some explaining to do!
 
#7
Okay, let's say you're at a party innocently hugging or kissing someone and find your hands begin to wander or your groin start to press rhythmically against them: Don't Panic! This is the Lord's way of saying that this is exactly the right person for you to spend the rest of your life with. In practically no time at all you'll be settling down and having lots of children together in a celebration of goodness and obedience to each other and the Lord.
Well cluster-trust me!! I thought that meant you were in with a shot for the evening. That's the last time I go anywhere near Cuts, papa or MDN.

Masturbating each other through your clothing or underwear is a good way to keep faith partners both chaste and interested during those critical few weeks before you get married.
8O How did you find this site again MM?

When hugging or kissing your faith partner, you may have noticed a little something getting hard inside his pants. It's called the penis and it means he wants to marry you!....Simply continue to rub, squeeze and fondle your faith partner through his jeans until he promises to marry you. It's that easy!
So that's where I went wrong with Mr Miz :lol:

The male desire to spray sperm all over people's faces is, in actuality, an expression of the natural desire to procreate, juxtaposing visually their literal DNA against the metaphorical DNA of their partners face. Along the same lines, ejaculating on a woman's breasts symbolizes your desire to have her lactate. if your faith partner seems reluctant or squeamish about such practices, simply explain this to her and everything should work out fine.
Well I thought everyone knew that already :roll:
 
#9
Let piety and sensitivity be your guide. Resist the urge to finger or face-fu.ck your faith partner while you're still just getting acquainted. Penetration with foreign objects while technically abstinent should probably be saved for the second date. Good girls respect that.
Never a truer word has been said! One should always resist the urge to face fcuk on a first date!!!! :lol:

For the gals: When hugging or kissing your faith partner, you may have noticed a little something getting hard inside his pants. It's called the penis and it means he wants to marry you! It's perfectly safe so long as he keeps it inside his pants. You can grab it, stroke it, squeeze it, or rub yourself against it like a fevered dog. Trust us, he won't mind a bit! Simply continue to rub, squeeze and fondle your faith partner through his jeans until he promises to marry you. It's that easy!
Damn - I thought it meant something entirely different! :p

Dear Young and Scared,
When I said that you could get AIDS from tears what I meant was that getting AIDS could make you cry. Also, you CAN get pregnant from simply touching another person's genitals, providing they're ejaculating and you're touching them with your cervix. I hope this clears things up for you. Remember also that whenever you masturbate, God kills a kitten.

Yours Truly, Senate Majority Leader, Dr. Bill Frist
Do you think the Cats Protection League will be onto me soon............. :roll: :roll:

That website is hilarious!!!! :-D
 

OldSnowy

LE
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#10
That is a QUALITY site :)

The pictures alone are enough for me.... And it's not banned by the internet morality watchdogs (it is a "Christian" site, after all).

The big question though - is it for real?
 
#13
Best pi$$ take I've seen in a long while... although it may just be for real - A mucker's shagpiece is a fundamentalist Christian, and she'd only let him do her up the hoop, so they 'werent having sex before marriage.' Fu$king bizarre. Funny thing is, she'll be shitting doughnuts for the rest of her life, and should she make it to The Orgy In The Sky, Ole Pete will just tell her the Bible was all ballaks anyway, written by an acorn-dicked hermit in a cave. You gotta love these gullible fruitcakes... But its the same type of nutters who sit with a tea-towel on their heads in front of a camcorder gobbing off in an 'orrible Bradford accent 'we are at war...and I am a soldier...' etc before taking a one way tube ride. Religion is the root of all evil. And thus I spaketh.
 
#15
Dear AbstinenceOnly,

My boss and I have been carrying on a kind of abstinent non-affair for several years now (He's married.) To sublimate the sexual tension between us we like to launch billions of dollars worth of high explosives from aircraft and submarines into heavily
populated urban areas in the Middle East. Afterwards we watch films of the attacks with Donnie and Dick, our officemates, who like to wear leather masks and
ball-gags while masturbating and making soft gurgling noises.

I know it doesn't sound ladylike, but looking at those explosions and imagining all those people dying in a horrific spray of blood, fire, bone, gristle, tissue and sinew... it just gets me slicker than scum off a Louisiana swamp. Then my boss, bless his soul, reaches over and gently holds my hand.

-Condoleezza R
Beautiful.
 
#16
When a boy's disgusting private goes inside of a girl's shameful unmentionable, there is a serious risk of it breaking off and causing excruciating pain while it travels throughout your body like a giant trichinosis worm.
Is that a bad thing then? I was going to use that in Pillow talk!
 
#17
OKay OKay mereminxy, I give in, I will be your abstinence partner. :D
 
#20
Clausewitz said:
I've heard of some interesting masturbation techniques - but this takes the f**king biscuit. Does anyone have any bizarre stories/methods of masturbation?
The first girl I ever finger-diddled p*ssed all over my hand. When she returned the favor she couldn't believe what "came about". I was 11 at the time, and was a little surprised myself.
 
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