Absolute Classic

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by brew_biatch, Apr 24, 2009.

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  1. I heard something today that I thought I should share with you....

    Imagine the scene, CO telling a LCpl he wants something..

    LCpl: Sorry Sir, but your not entitled.

    CO: But I'm the CO!

    LCpl: Sir, I don't care if you're the Pope, you're still not entitled.


  2. And my first thought? what a load of bollokcs
  3. Yeah, right, of course he did.
  4. I freely admit to not hearing it first hand but it came from a reputable source. True or not, it made I laugh.
  5. Your source is a liar. Was the fictitious LCpl involved in the above fictitious event a bint? I could sort of believe it then. A better ending would have been the CO sticking the nut on the gobby cunt before biting her lips off. Snakes with tits, engorged labia and overly large piss bellies.
  6. I remember being next to one young Gunner on door guard in Riyadh in the arse end of 1990 outside the British HQ, his direction was "no-one bar the General and his guard detachment get in with loaded weapons". Cue one RMP Major trying to walk past without showing his pistol was unloaded and the young Gunner valiantly denying him entry, lots of teddy-throwing ranting from the Major "do you know who I am?! I'll have you beasted from here back to the UK!"

    The Major didn't half look like an arse when a following infantry Lt Col couldn't get past and in the building and told him to "just bloody do it" :D
  7. Hows the ex L/cpl finding his new position as private? like it happened durch!
  8. whilst placing said item quietly on the counter no doubt (i know i would have)
  9. Maybe the CO wanted a blow-job? Then I'd tell him to 4cough too.
  10. Right then picture the scene Tidworth early 90's and the Engineers from Perham were doing QRF and gate guard for the main camp, why Ill never know but hey ho.
    In comes an officers wife on her horse (you can just tell cant you) and attempts to ride past,
    HS "Scuse me ma'am have you got any ID"
    Her "No and dont you know who my husband is"
    HS "Ma'am were Engrs and this isnt our camp so we dont know everyone" and to the guard cmdr "We have a lady here who doesnt know who her hubby is" just loud enough for her to hear it!
    Her "Well he's a Colonel so let me through"
    HS "Er NO and Im sure he wouldnt be happy if we were just letting people in willy nilly"
    So she dismounts and goes to the rmp station to use the phone (well try and get them to order me but that just wasnt happening)
    5 mins and out of the Volvo estate steps a Lt Col (bigging up the hubby were we love) and tell the guard cmdr he would vouch for her.
    Guard cmdr (crusty horrible fullscrew) "No can do Sir no ID no entry"
    Now the monkeys,rumour has it, were trying to use fake id's etc to get in and if they succeeded then you were in the sh*t.
    So husband roars off home in a strop and returns about 10 mins later, doesnt stop just winds window down and launches a purse with fantastic accuracy that it hits horsey wife full in the flat chest she has.
    So she gets back on the horse trots upto the gate and flashes purse id like she's off the Bill.
    Yeah nice try love "Could you take it out of your purse so I can inspect it Ma'am?"
    Im now treated to several posh swear words (they are like normal ones but sound sexy)
    So out comes id card duly checked and returned.
    So she puts it away and starts to trot on when i sticks out my hand and stops her again,
    at this stage the guard cmdr is almost running towards me.
    "WHAT NOW" sreams the lady
    HS "Do you have a pass for the horse"
    At this stage the guard cmdr has dragged me off and the 2ic is waving her on.
    Guard cmdr is almost pis*ing himself and calls me a tw*t

    So that should be the end of it, but no, 20 mins pass and im summoned to see the garrison sergeant major,
    Gets to his office and i can hear the hubby and wife combo screaming "And then he asks for the fuck*ng horses pass"
    Out they come she glares at me like im something shes just trodden in but im sure the hubby smirked as he went past.
    GSM shouts me in sees who it is and groans
    "It had to fu*king you HS your a cu*t get out and dont forget your driving at my bbq this weekend.
    Phew its not what you know its who you know
    and Sir, im still gratefull to this day to have gotten away with being gobby!