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About as much use as .......

Following a brainstorming session at work, my opinions of certain people has hit rock bottom. I need to increase my vocabulary, so I'm asking for your help Arrsers. There must be plenty of these I don't know, so:

The people I work with are about as much use as.......? :D
Micheal Jackson on Childline

Tony Bliar as Middle East Peace Envoy

Hitler doing a Barmitzvah (possible mong spelling)

Johnny Wilkinsons ankle

A kamikazes helmet
As much use as....

...a one legged man in an arrse kicking contest

...employing Abu Hamza as a church organist

...a glass cricket bat

... a cat-flap on a submarine

... a concrete parachute (used on these means to describe Derek Twigg, IIRC)

...John Prescott (the remainder of this simile is intentionally blank).

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