Aaaaaaargh, Bloody kids!

How about a shotgun, rifle, and a .45!
Is this all yours, is so why? over here owning anything like that will get you locked up for 15+ years. However, I get your point, we take a more pragmatic approach to scruffy knuckle dragging troglodytes, molesting our kith and kin, I think you call it "The Louisville slugger" and a swift size 9 medium to the family jewels is best for openers.
 
Ni
Is this all yours, is so why? over here owning anything like that will get you locked up for 15+ years. However, I get your point, we take a more pragmatic approach to scruffy knuckle dragging troglodytes, molesting our kith and kin, I think you call it "The Louisville slugger" and a swift size 9 medium to the family jewels is best for openers.
No brother just an internet picture of some generic kit. Mine is a bit fancier and more expensive. But none the less the fil was also quite relieved I was not a Yuppy twat, who was going to marry his only daughter.
 
I nearly died in one of those about thirty years ago. There's me and me mate coming home from the Pub, it's his car. If anyone remembers Crook Log roundabout Welling from BHth. coming towards us is MKIII cortina plus furry dice. We're on the roundabout, except it crossed the pimple that passed for the elephant turd, hit us on the front near side, which instantly folded, gut reaction, pulled me legs back. Classic question for Cortina man, "What you doing on the roundout?" Me mate's response " evidently not avoiding you."
 
oh and as to the thread, I think it's hilarious. We lost two in the early days but had two a bit later.
There's bitter sweet to both and yeah sleep overs, all the minor crisis. Comedians think they're funny but by christ kids beat em hands down.
 
14 year old cousin is currently staying.
Yesterday we had crawling out of bed at about 10 staggering into the bathroom and...puts the sodding light on!!
Finely honed dad radar put a stop to that.

Last night I'm doing the normal male thing of emptying and refilling the (or refilling it correctly) when 14 year old comes in to presumably wash her hands? Tap turned on, no hands washed or indeed anything and walks off out of the room.
I stand there a bit nonplussed realising that she's not coming back go and turn the tap off.

Come back this afternoon and Major Sunray has gone off to collect daughter leaving 14 year old brain dead in front of TV, I crack on with a little bit of grouting I had to do and at the back of my mind I'm thinking I can hear running water.
I know there's only me an her in, so as there's no one upstairs I assume that its the toilet cistern refilling and forget about it.
Finish grouting and start cleaning my tools and I can still hear running water. Go over to the soil stack and stick my ear next to it and not only can I hear the water I can feel the heat off it as the basin hot tap has been left on and pissed away a full tank of water.
When asked she never went upstairs.....
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
14 year old cousin is currently staying.
Yesterday we had crawling out of bed at about 10 staggering into the bathroom and...puts the sodding light on!!
Finely honed dad radar put a stop to that.

Last night I'm doing the normal male thing of emptying and refilling the (or refilling it correctly) when 14 year old comes in to presumably wash her hands? Tap turned on, no hands washed or indeed anything and walks off out of the room.
I stand there a bit nonplussed realising that she's not coming back go and turn the tap off.

Come back this afternoon and Major Sunray has gone off to collect daughter leaving 14 year old brain dead in front of TV, I crack on with a little bit of grouting I had to do and at the back of my mind I'm thinking I can hear running water.
I know there's only me an her in, so as there's no one upstairs I assume that its the toilet cistern refilling and forget about it.
Finish grouting and start cleaning my tools and I can still hear running water. Go over to the soil stack and stick my ear next to it and not only can I hear the water I can feel the heat off it as the basin hot tap has been left on and pissed away a full tank of water.
When asked she never went upstairs.....
Poltergoosts.
You gottem.
 
My first car in 1972. a 1967 Renault 4, No seat belts, 3 speed gearbox, and 50 mph top speed, whch was bloody frightening on German autobhans with lorries screaming past at 60 mph.
They had quite an interesting design fault on the early models.
On the left hand side of the tailgate was a sprung contraption that would keep it open when raised.
Unfortunatly the average French farmer would reach out and pull it in the middle to shut the tailgate.
Big mistake.
It acted as a giant pair of scissors and removed all of the fingers on the left hand.
I think it only took them about half a decade to sort it out though.
 
never mind, skipped over details, I look like a cock for not reading properly.
 
Soon as they are big enough and clever enough to be useful the ingrates B***** off.
 
Soon as they are big enough and clever enough to be useful the ingrates B***** off.
......and that's a bad thing? ....our last two wont go FFS, getting in the bathroom is almost impossible at weekends, and when they have finished, who cleans up after the not so little Buggers, muggins, that's who! I love em to bits, but please girls, F*** off, go live with your boyfriends, and let your mother and I live out our last years in peace.
 
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I had a small portent of my later years last Sunday.
A week away “ en famille “ in Somerset and Dorset for the last 2 days at grans
( bridport).
Sunday mrs bomber and youngest two fragged so took eldest (12) to charmouth to look for fossils ( guided walk it turns out booked up solid for next 2 weeks).
Flogs along beach for a mile breaking rocks like a convict to find miss bomber a fossil, not much luck . Then collapses on shingle for a rest near Lyme Regis, and spot a perfect 4” ammonite sticking out of the small stones, job jobbed I think, loads of brownie points banked !
Back at charmouth over an ice cream eldest says “ it’s nice here,( pause) what are you thinking?” I said it was ok but a bit “ comfortably middle class” for me.
The 12 year old fixed me with a steely blue eye and said I quote, “ dad, we arrived in a Range Rover, you’ve just spent two hours sweating up a beach in a linen shirt, M&S chinos and hand made shoes. I suppose the only thing stopping you getting a call from the bbc to be in some poncy drama is I don’t have sun bleached blonde pigtails, bumfreezer cut offs and deck shoes”
This from not yet a teenager!
I quietly finished my ice cream and slunk off to the car. I can see I’m going to have to raise my game in future.god only knows what the other 2 will be like.
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
please girls, Fuck off, go live with your boyfriends, and let your mother and I live out our last years in peace.
You're being too subtle.
 
Ha ha, the boot's on the other foot for me at the moment as I'm taking advantage of my daughter's hospitality as I pass through Canberra. She's due to give birth in a couple of weeks but I've told her no move on that front until she's dropped me at the airport on Tuesday. She can cook too.
 
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