Aaaaaaargh, Bloody kids!

#41
HAhahahahahahahahahahaha
laughing-smiley-12.jpg

It doesn't get any better, believe me. We've got 9 kids between us age 50 down to 30 and 10 grandkids age 15 down to 1. They are all a liability in one way or another and always will be. I love 'em all !!
 
#43
When they're babies they wait for you to take the nappy off to piss on you and wait until you try to burp them to throw up on you...

When they're toddlers they'll blissfully ignore all those colourful stimulating toys you bought them in order to play with your boring black mobile phone, managing to lock the screen and change the language to Arabic...

When they're in primary school they'll pick up nits, bad habits and every childhood illness known to man from other kids...

When they're in secondary school they'll learn to swear, lie and cheat.

Oh but when they leave school... that's where the fun begins.

So I'm cooking late on Thurs evening as I have guests inbound x3

They're already running late because her daughter's boyfriend has got lost in his home town and I'm carefully trying to time everything in the oven so it doesn't come out like mush. In between the text updates, I've now got my daughter in full panic because she's just realised the time we're planning to hit Reading next Friday means she'll most likely miss one... Yes ONE... of the first acts due on stage for the Festival. Disaster.

It's OK, she says. She'll just get a train ticket to arrive early and I'll drive ahead later. It's only £27. But what will her mum say? Texts go back and forth, check oven, check arrival times, check oven, beep beep, beep beep (shit ring tones I have). Eventually though after a big old argument with her old dear, everyone's finally happy she's heading back a little early so she doesn't miss the start.

Today I sends her a text - "You get my tickets for this Friday?"
Her "Oh I got yours, but I haven't got mine yet..."
Me "WTF?"

So.... she was that worried about missing the start of Reading Festival, messing her mum around and me even further Thurs night, that 5 days later she hasn't bothered getting the train ticket that she said she was going to get "there and then".

How the hell do teenagers remember to breathe in and out? Given everything else seems to "slip their mind" and is added to the ever-growing list of "stuff they didn't get around to"...?
I'm told this is most teenagers, apparently.

Obviously I love her more than life itself, but for my own sanity, please share your stories of what utter bastards they can be...

Soft cunt. What happened to chaining them to an old engine block in the garage for a weekend with a half loaf of bread and a bottle of water to teach them some DF?
 
#44
My son, when he was 14-ish, went on school trip to France. From Australia FFS. When the group returned his mother and I were requested to go in to the school for a 'discussion'. No, there was no coffee or biscuits involved. There are three things you do not want to hear in a sentence: 'UNESCO HQ', 'screening point' and 'knife'.

He did acquire a French accent, though.

His sister tried forging absence notes!
 

ugly

LE
Moderator
#45
Soft cunt. What happened to chaining them to an old engine block in the garage for a weekend with a half loaf of bread and a bottle of water to teach them some
Half a loaf, you were spoiled. My first CSM in Bn would jail his kids for poor school reports and a slice of bread and a cup of water was all they were allowed. He put a single bed and mattress in his loft to act as jail.
His kids were hard as feck.
 
#46
Half a loaf, you were spoiled. My first CSM in Bn would jail his kids for poor school reports and a slice of bread and a cup of water was all they were allowed. He put a single bed and mattress in his loft to act as jail.
His kids were hard as feck.
Excellent. That's where I went wrong.
 
#47
"Obviously I love her more than life itself, but for my own sanity, please share your stories of what utter bastards they can be "

Well this one time in a Portuguese hotel complex... ;-)
 
#49
There is much truth in the saying that grandchildren are your reward for not murdering your children when they are teenagers!
I see it as payback. An hour before the grandchildren are picked up by their parents fill them full of sugar until they are bouncing off the walls all hyper and then ship them home. That and teaching them the things their parents don't want them taught.

Best not done when SWMBO is around though.
 
#50
Half a loaf, you were spoiled. My first CSM in Bn would jail his kids for poor school reports and a slice of bread and a cup of water was all they were allowed. He put a single bed and mattress in his loft to act as jail.
His kids were hard as feck.

You laugh. Used to work with a mad social hand grenade who sent his daughter to tour Europe on her gap year. Poor kid had to fax him a weekly expense report to approve (with receipts) before he'd put any more money in her account. Tight as fuck and crazy as a shithouse rat in a crack house.
 
#51
It does seem to attract a lot of attention when I'm out and about in it.

Mainly from them mod-vaping, huge clouds of smoke generating, beard weirdy, discs in ears types sat outside Costa-bucks, drinking their triple shot frappachino mocha choca twattachino coconut flat whites...

In other words, cnuts.

They sense a kindred spirit.
 
#52
HAhahahahahahahahahahaha
View attachment 346314
It doesn't get any better, believe me. We've got 9 kids between us age 50 down to 30 and 10 grandkids age 15 down to 1. They are all a liability in one way or another and always will be. I love 'em all !!

Nine? Did having a go at your wedding tackle with a hand held blender ever cross your mind?
 
#53
Half a loaf, you were spoiled. My first CSM in Bn would jail his kids for poor school reports and a slice of bread and a cup of water was all they were allowed. He put a single bed and mattress in his loft to act as jail.
His kids were hard as feck.

Mattress? Pshaw!
 
#54
Doris just dragged me to the school to see the youngest grandkid start his first day ( when did it become granddads duty to do that? )... I have never seen so many happy faces, not the kids, their parents... must have been a very long seven weeks
 

Pob02

LE
Book Reviewer
#55
I see it as payback. An hour before the grandchildren are picked up by their parents fill them full of sugar until they are bouncing off the walls all hyper and then ship them home. That and teaching them the things their parents don't want them taught.

Best not done when SWMBO is around though.
I thought I was clever when my sisters had kids and I could act the “fun Uncle “ , buying them sweets, noisy toys etc ( all in revenge for a childhood of being picked on by them).
Then I only had to go and have my own child. Payback is a bitch!
 

ugly

LE
Moderator
#56
#58
About half an hour later, she comes down from her room (to take a break from texting, of course), straight into the fridge and helps herself to a bag of Fridge Raiders, a packet of King Prawn Sizzler McCoys, two cheese strings, a yoghurt and a glass of orange juice and fucks off back upstairs.
Somewhere out there is a poor person who wants their fridge back.
 
#59
Nine? Did having a go at your wedding tackle with a hand held blender ever cross your mind?
TBH no it didn't, there was never anything decent on the telly and we couldn't afford to go to the pub. We aren't kafflick either. :hump: There's another grandkid on the way too, due in January.
 

exbleep

On ROPS
On ROPs
#60
My Mum had 3 kids, 7 grandkids and 8 great grandkids.
My daughter was visiting and asked her to look after her then 2 year old when she and hubby went out for a meal.
She gave my Mum 10 sheets of instructions on how to feed, when to change, when to do everything under the sun.

I think my Mum threw it in the bin (the instruction booklet, not the 2 year old. Mind you, now he's a stroppy 16 year old she'd have been better doing that).
 
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