A womb with a view and other miracles?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Mighty_doh_nut, Apr 2, 2007.

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  1. Now its no secret that I dislike Anya and would happily subject her to blister agent but by some sort of miracle she is Pregnant.

    Congratulations butter bird...... Parenthood is awesome

    At the sametime allow me to offer comiserations and the offer of councelling to the poor soul who:

    1: Poked you
    2: Has you in his life for the next 18 yrs like it or not

    Please don't take this as a green light to return and to post lke you used to, but I found it difficult to contain my joy at your news.

    I'm glad your cnut and innards work, two years of guilt on my behalf have now evaporated.

    I guess the poem I wrote you all that time ago is now void.

    Nobody loves me, everybody hates me
    I think I'll go and eat worms

    I stroll round the house
    through all the rooms
    thinking about fully working wombs
    mine is fcuked
    down there Ive just got pubes
    some pissed up cnut drove over my tubes
    one plus point
    no pill for me
    spunk on the menu for dinner and tea

    Whipsnade Zoo must be made up that such a creature can reprodce in captivity.
  2. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    MDN, you are a secret romantic! And a charitable and generous person too. You are to be congratulated.
  3. I reckon it was all done with a wnak and a turkey baster.
  4. I too would like to extend my hearty congratulations, a stirling effort from the big lass.

    Quote Anya:
    You're eggs werent scrambled after all?

    I spent weeks in the confessional box for mocking your broken baby oven, time waisted but look on the bright side, i did get pyed by the priest and you're going to be a mum.

    All well that ends well :D
  5. That wasn't a preist.......... my child..... but I didn't need to know about you stealing from your grannies purse.

    Still, like you said, alls well that ends well..... :D
  6. fcuk i hope its not mine!
  7. did you flick sperm out of your bedroom window at a passing hot air balloon?
  8. no i just sh@gged the stork
  9. Well, that's two of the three fat lasses impregnated by site readers now.

    Come on Liz....we're rootin' for ya!
  10. Will Liz be able to achieve pregnancy using her creepy cousin, Abacus' jizm?
  11. It appears that there is a God up there somewhere as this week a miracle has occurred. I am talking about the conception of a sprog by a 'big boned' former arrse maiden and now MOD of Rear Party, who has apparently been blessed by the big fella upstairs. This must draw some attention from the church as she previously told everyone on here that her womb had been destroyed in a motor vehicle collision! 8O Is there anyone from the Chaplains Department who can explain how a sprog can be conceived without a womb? I am pretty stumped by all of this. Maybe its just my ignorance, can you get a womb transplant these days? Are there any members of arrse out there who have witnessed a miracle such as this. My only experience is curing a leper once. I was crossing a pedestrian road bridge in Bangkok many years ago. A leper without any fingers on either hand grabbed my by the leg and wasn't going to let go. He said he was also a cripple. Without any cracks of thunder or the sign of any lightening I kicked him on the forehead twice with my other foot. He made some sort of reply which sounded like, 'By fcuk, I am cured' and he ran off, fast as a Olympic sprinter, apparently cured of his crippledness. I am almost sure his fingers had grown back too. So well done to the former, barren, maiden and good luck with your new womb. If anyone has a spare one, can I borrow it to play with :D

    Its okay, I got one :D

  12. Unfortuntly, my friend, the story isn't quite true.

    Once upon a time, this fair maiden met a guy called Steve. He was a useless fat cnut who spent his entire Giro on Ginsters and fish suppers. However, our young stud needed loving too and found solace in the arms of our Maiden.

    They decided to breed and after months of unsucessfully creating a spawn, they went to the doctors for an explanation.

    Now the doc was a bit of a chippy f*cker and was being investigated by the hospital PC brigade for knocking one out over some X-ray scans. He didn't want to land himself in it by telling the couple that they were too fat to breed, so came out with the elaborate reason that our maiden was wombless. It turns out that quite a lot of people try to run her over, so this seemed to back the docs story up.

    I can't explain how she's up the duff now. Perhaps some cranes were hired to remove any obstacles to the holy hole and a few catapults full of bovine spunk were hurled at her?

    Hope this helps.
  13. Perhaps she's got a gooseberry bush growing up her flange or a colony of storks nesting up there.
    I'm not convinced that a wombs entirely necessary anyway. A bloke down the pub once told me that you can grow your own Irishman by shooting your muck into a bucket of Guinness and leaving it in the airing cupboard overnight.
  14. The_Duke

    The_Duke LE Moderator

    This is all just part of the bluff. The Maiden will continue to eat pies at such a rate that her gut will grow in line with the "pregnancy". After a suitable gestation period (21 months for an elephant IIRC) she will break in to a special needs nursery and steal a Mlaar to order.

    Her continued pie dependancy will be attributed to post natal depression, and the inability to shift the weight after the "birth".
  15. Why is Rear Party blocked by the DII Nazis ? :evil:

    I wanted to go over and wish the Ginster smugler my heartiest congratulations :roll: