A Womans Logic

A friend of mine recently started going through the painful process of divorce. This I eves dropped on while I was sat in their lounge.

She said "Which part of I want a divorce do you not understand"

He said "The part that gives me all your credit card debt"

She said "We`re supposed to split everything 50/50"

He said "So how does, you getting the car, the house and everything in it. While I get the dog and the debt. How does that work out as 50/50"

She said "Because I have more needs"

Exit stage right for Skjold.
Has any one else got a similar tale of "A womans logic".
and ladies even you must off seen and heard some very crazy logic coming out of a womans mouth.
Feck the grammer wheres your story! :D
Men being from Mars, women from Venus and all that, to prevent any misunderstandings:

This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will end with a huffy "Fine".

This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over Nothing".

This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks A LOT" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the Loud Sigh", as she will only say "Nothing".



Kit Reviewer
Cait, interesting book that "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." Some good bits in it but also a fair amount of babbling.

I much preferred the author's second book, "WHY Men are from Mars and WHY Women are Full of Shite"

:wink: :twisted:
So cait,
you have never heard one off your female colleauges, say something so utterly stupid. You felt it chipped away at what women have acheived over the last 100 years.
FAST FORWARD CLEANING OF KITCHEN - Usually coupled with loud banging of pans etc - This means you are right in the shit. Better off going to the pub and leaving us alone.
And all I wanted was comments by women, about stupid comments made by women.

Blokes know what women think about them we get told it every day, but if we were bothered we would of changed a few milennia ago. :twisted:
Whilst driving through a particularly run down area of Cheltenham, we passed some high rise flats with names such as 'India House' 'Africa House' etc...my female friend purused the street, noting the names of buildings and two loitering people of ethnic minority and cried: "oh God, I didn't realise we made them live with their own cultures in the UK"

Fcuking thick or what!
Blatting along the M25 on a sunny but rainy evening, I suddenly noticed we were drifting into the M11 sliproad - I said "we don't want to turn off here, stay on the M25"...she said "Where's the M25?"

I didn't think trying to get back on was wise! Investigation revealed she felt dazzled by the low sun off the soaked road surface, but only female logic could explain why this meant suddenly turning left....
Oh forgot about this one.....In the pub one afternoon discussing the events the preious night regarding the local village idiot.

Bit of background:

It seems, although never actually going to one of the matches, that he was Man Uniteds number one fan. Anyhow, the previous evening the had lost! (haha) and said village idiot (all 4 foot of piss and wind) kicked off in the gents and decided to smash up the jonny machine.......and somehow got a black eye after falling into it! How we laffed the evening away.

Anyhow, we were still laffing next day and I told the story to my female friend - conversation went like this -

ME: "Oh feck me Mand, should have been here last night. That Mac is the only bloke i know that can have a fight with a jonny machine and lose"

HER: "Who's Johnny Machine? Do I know him?"

Fat boiler my brother occasionally used to bang when he was on leave, had the cheek to turn up at my mums with him after the silly tw*t had took her to the flicks to see Karate Kid.

As she wolfed down another bourbon she said to me.

"Oh, i'd love to have one of them little trees like the little Jap bloke had in the film".


"You mean Bonsai trees. They're expensive you know."


"But they're only small."

My dad was laughing for days.
Walking through Osnabruk town centre with my mate

Her "Dont you think German kids are clever "

Me " Why"

Her "For speaking German at such a young age"
brother had moved to new flat and was looking for plants,his then girls friends said
'oh we had a rubber plant at home that my mum said you could have'
brother answered
'great i can put it by the fire!'
'oh no' said the brain,'it'd melt there'
Another car-related one...

(humming along the A40, suddenly noise, vibration, clearly a flat)

"Oh shit, better pull over and I'll change the bgger."

Up we pull, AS LUCK WOULD HAVE IT, it's the front offside so involves kneeling over with Romanian immigrant-running wagons, Tesco distribution trucks crammed with urgently required aerosol cheese, chavs in Renault Clios covered in stick-on spoilers, donkey walloper convoys and other embarrassing things to get run over by hooning past inches from my arrse.

She, sitting in the driving seat and not helping (thank God), starts to show signs of concern for my safety (strange, she never does whilst the car is moving).

"Why don't we move over there (pointing a few hundred yards down the screaming crash death strip of tarmac) - there might not be as many cars"

Laugh? I nearly fell into the path of the next Romanian immigrant runner/chav/donkey artist/oven chips express. Hanging on to the car, streaming with rain and tears, howling with laughter as the bastards roared by my ear..

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