A true story about a lamp


Book Reviewer
I am not a swearing man, but I swear to God the following story is true.

My mate, Dekka the Monkey is a Geordie. And in his spare time he likes to treasure hunt with a metal detector.

So he’s poking about in the mud of the Tyne around Jarrow Slacks, and his detector goes nuts.

Dekka pulls a metal lump from the river and starts to wash off the mud.


A 12’ purple Genie appears out of the air. “You have released me from the lamp Master and I grant you 3 wishes. Make it snappy. I aint got all day”

Quick as a flash, Dekka says “I want £20 million in a Swiss bank”

The Genie snaps his fingers and hands Dekka a bit of paper. “Ring this number, quote this code. The money is there. Next wish”

“Uma Thurman” says Dekka. “I want to walk into the bar of the Bellagio in Las Vegas, see Uma and have her fall madly in love with me”

The Genis snaps his fingers. “It is done. Next wish?”

Dekka says “I have always been scared of flying. Build me a bridge across the Atlantic so I can drive over to be with Uma and spend my money”.

“Look soft lad” says the Genie, “The Atlantic Ocean is 5 miles deep and has huge storms. Ships will crash into the bridge and people will notice it. I cannot do the impossible. Wish again”

So Dekka thinks, then says “I always get it wrong with women. I don’t pick up on their subtleties, I send out the wrong signals and I just don’t understand what makes them tick. Give me an insight into a woman’s mind?”

The Genie says “Do you want lights on the bridge?”

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