A story of Love, Hate ... and metaphors

Once upon a time there was a girl who was attracted to a soldier, all her friends warned her off of him as he was rude and aggressive, but he was hysterically funny at times and she found herself drawn to him.

She loved the soldier for all his faults, and promised never to try and change him but to accept his roughness and just enjoy being in his company which she found to be very entertaining.

The soldier for his part “tolerated” the girl, she wasn’t really his cup of tea and after a day at work he liked a few beers and a chat with his mates, she knew nothing really of the army and it’s ways and so didn’t really contribute much to the conversation but didn’t really mind as she found it both informative and at times jaw achingly funny.

After going out for a while, the girl started to notice the soldier wasn’t actually paying her that much attention. When he was with his mates he tended to ignore her a bit and lark about with his chums which she didn’t mind but she started to flirt a bit with his mates instead now some of his mates were down right rude to her which shouldn’t of shocked her as they were squaddies, and some took it to heart and actually thought she really did like them this started to lead to splits in the group of squaddie mates with some wanting the girl around more in the vain hope that if the soldier cast her off they might get a go, and others wanting her to just “do one” and leave them to their (entirely heterosexual you understand) japes and pranks.

The girl was now starting to get fed up with being told she wasn’t wanted around by the soldier’s friends and decided to tackle him about it…
“Your Friends don’t like me, and some of them have been extremely rude and called me horrible names” she said.
“So what?”” .. Said the soldier, “You know what they’re like that’s what they DO … you have to be thick skinned and give as good as you get if you want to drink with me, and then MAYBE they might accept you.”

The girl harrumphed a bit about this .. who was he telling her what to do … she made another attempt to flirt with his friends to regain his attention but she now found that even some of the ones who she had bestowed her favours and awards on before had grown tired of her ways and now THEY were being rude to her, a lot of rude and hateful things were said by the soldiers to the girls along the lines of
“This is a squaddie pub, if you don’t like it f**k off to the swanky wine bar in the high street” but the girls thought “No way .. this is a public place and if we want to drink in here then we will”…. But the abuse continued.

Things degenerated to the point where the girl and her mates, and the soldier and his mates were drinking in separate bars, and apart from the odd barbed comment across the pub they were hardly talking … this kept the fighting down to a reasonable level, but the overall atmosphere in the pub was taking a hammering and it was becoming boring and nothing like the fun place it had used to be.

Now, you can take any moral from this tale you like to be honest, but if you want to post on this or any other thread for that matter in a constructive or humorous way, then I will be only to pleased to look upon you as a fellow ARRSER, but remember if you want to play on an ARMY site, then grow a thick skin… and fast.

This story is entirely fictional, and any resemblance to any characters living or dead is entirely malicious on my part. :D
You been talking to my missus again?
This fictional doris gave great head round the back of said pub when her boyfriend, who we'll call LittleBurnyLaceThing, wasn't looking.

If I may extend Shortfuze's metaphor, there's only one 'pub' where squaddies can get together and have a proper grown-up laugh, within that establishment there's only really one corner where they're allowed to completely let rip. The rest of the establishment, indeed the rest of the internet - I mean world - is a haven for normal people to get laid, voice their opinions and baulk at our coarseness. All types are welcome in that corner, but no-one should get upset if they get called nasty names or hear rude words.

There's plenty of Faceparty.coms but only one naafi bar.

I fucking love you gumbo.
Top post Shortfuse.

Well thought out, probing and insightful.

My one minor criticism is that you couldn't think of a way of including a metaphorical microwaved human tu-rd.
But then the soldier, realising he'd blown it, started to reveal a few "state secrets" to impress the bird and her gullible cock-hungry friends. Only they really weren't "state secrets" (because the army doesn't tell admin queens all of it's secrets), just a few conversations about the running of a particular part of the regiment, and lo and behold, she and all of her friends find out about them and start boasting to one another in their little corner of the bar about how "inside the loop" they are thinking that the grown ups wouldn't find out, but they did and they weren't happy about it.

The a few grown ups though "hang on a momento chaps, this isn't the fun it used to be" and considered how they might all get back to the old days where fun was had, japes were played, banter was freely thrown and knitting and make-up weren't talked about anywhere in the bar at all.

Sadly though, the girls couldn't take the hint that the bar had no intention of changing to be more "feminine", certain that there would be a few more soldiers where the last lot came from..... (it is after all a busy NAAFI)
Awesome of the Fonz/gumbo/bong-eye/Lorraine to sort it out!!! "heeeeeeeeeeeey!"

Woopert - state secrets aren't welcome to be discussed by anyone who isn't a grown-up. Hopefully the soldier's girlfriend(s) have realised the predicament they have placed themselves in by trying to be 'Miss Popular' and buy everyone a large drinkipoo to make up for it...

Convoy - a microwave turd would have been preferable to a sanitary waste bin being thrown about as a 'conversation stopper' :lol: :lol:
Fcuk me in terms of allegories it sounds just like the Bonobo/Chimpanzee dichotomy

Here's the science bit

In contrast to the competitive, male-dominated culture of their close relative the chimpanzee, bonobo society is peaceful, matriarchal. Bonobos live in large groups where harmonious coexistence is the norm. While in many ways, males and females have “separate but equal” roles, females carry the highest rank, and the sons of ranking females are the leaders among males. Females form close bonds and alliances, which is another way they maintain their power among males, who are larger and stronger physically.

Bonobos seem to ascribe to the 1960s hippie credo, “make love, not war.” They make a lot of love, and do so in every conceivable fashion. Beyond that, they are very loving too, showing care and compassion for each other in many ways. Sex in bonobo society transcends reproduction, as it does in humans. It serves as a way of bonding, exchanging energy and sharing pleasure.

Bonobos have been described as “pansexual” by psychologist Frans de Waal. Sex permeates the fabric of bonobo society, weaving through all aspects of daily life. It serves an important function in keeping the society together, maintaining peaceful, cooperative relations. Besides heterosexual contact, both male and female bonobos engage in same-sex encounters, and even group sex occurs. Female-female contact, or “GG-rubbing,” is actually the most common. Unlike other apes, bonobos frequently copulate face-to-face, looking into each others eyes. When bonobo groups meet in the forest, they greet each other, bond sexually, and share food instead of fighting. Likewise, almost any conflict between bonobos is eased by sexual activity, grooming, or sharing food.

Like humans, bonobo females are sexually receptive throughout most of their estrus cycle. Chimpanzees (Pan troglodytes), on the other hand, only mate during the few days when a female is fertile. Generally, the ranking males in chimp society “get the girls.” Male chimps make macho displays to impress females and can be quite vehement in their demands. Consequently, chimp females do not have much control over who they mate with. Bonobo males tend to be a bit more polite. They ask first, by displaying themselves in a persuasive but non-aggressive manner, offering food or making other propositions—and bonobo females have the right to refuse.

The sexual aspect of bonobo behavior is best understood in the context of bonobo culture. Sex does not necessarily mean the same thing to a bonobo that it does to a human. However, it raises compelling questions about the roots of human nature, and is particularly striking in contrast to chimpanzee society. Scholars continue to study this unique phenomenon and debate its implications.

Bonobos live in groups of up to 100, breaking up into foraging groups by day and gathering to nest at night, in a fission-fusion modality. When bonobos gather in the trees to make their night nests, they fill the twilight with a symphony of soprano squeals. Their high-pitched vocalizations sound like a flock of exotic birds, compared to the more gutteral hoots of chimpanzees.
So we're the chimps and they are the bonobos

so Mr Fonz... is there another chapter to this story?

Its like a Mills and Boon with a slight twist - If you know what I mean... just a little bit tacky and cheap but you still turn the page!
Officers_bird said:

so Mr Fonz... is there another chapter to this story?

Its like a Mills and Boon with a slight twist - If you know what I mean... just a little bit tacky and cheap but you still turn the page!
I understand Shortfuse has to turn his pages 3 or 4 at a time as they are all stuck together! :lol:
the_rigger said:
I've never been one for metaphors, so I will interpret this story by quoting Clarence Boddicker from Robocop

"Bitches leave."
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Eventually she'd had enough of her former lovers behaviour and left him and his mates to it.

Much rejoicing was had. In a fit of joy the NAAFI was smashed up by the remaining punters. Lot's of merrymaking ensued and the noise of drunken bezzering could be heard all over the internet.

After things had died down a bit, the soldier began to realise that he missed her a bit. Not in the way that he'd miss a dead family pet though. More like the way you miss an itchy ricker after you've given it a good scratching.

So he asked her to come back on his terms. Time away had given her time to think as well. She realised that without the ribald attention that she'd been receiving from him and his mates, her life had simply lost purpose. Men she met after this were always compared to the squaddie and his pals and came up wanting. She began to realise that she actually liked the flack she'd been receiving and it had subconsciously made her gash rather frothy.

So she agreed.

His terms were punishing but acceptable.

She must never try to change him again.
He must be allowed to kidney punch her whenever he felt like it.
She must always be vocal in her gratitude for being allowed to share the same space as him and his mates.
If she ever raised a topic of conversation again that met with disdain he was allowed to break pub furniture across the back of her napper. If the furniture was well built and failed to break he was allowed a second swing without her putting her hands up.
In a dimly lit corner of the pub sit a silent group of me. Only communicating with each other they drink 1/2 pints of lager top and discuss lawns.

Over the course of a few weeks they begin to realise the fun that the soldiers are having, and that the local shag munsters are hanging around them like 70 yr old groupies at a Cliff Richard concert.

But what can the quiet ones do???????????? Lacking the moral a physical courage to go over and invite the squaddies to drink with them they hatch a devious plan.

Noticing the squaddies only use the pub from mon-fri they decide to leave their special corner on sunday lunchtimes and occupy the vacant space. They purchase a bible between them and take turns to read out passages to the others. The Good Book Bravo 2 Nothing leads them to further reading and before long they become knowlegable of all thing military.

But what can they do with this knowledge??????? start up a conversation with the big bad squaddies. NO that would be very dangerous only one avenue is open to them. So after Frank and Joe have been to Weight Watchers on saturday all the group enter into MECCA, yes they reach the army surplus store.

Ladies and Gentleman we witness the Genesis of the Walt

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