A sort of tricky situation….

#2
Now I don't want to burst your bubble but are you sure she fancies you ? I mean could she be looking at someone else ?
 
#3
Lympstone_Mud_Warbler said:
I have just found myself in a bit of a dilemma. I have met a stunning looking tall blonde, curves in all the right places and legs that would look good wrapped around my waist. Good personality as well (If that counts for anything in the sex department)

It’s not gone anywhere yet. I know she fancies me as she has said so to one of my friends. Where’s the problem you ask?

The problem is she has a wonky eye. Well two of them in fact, I can’t work out if I should look at the eye that looks at my ear or the one that seems to stare redundantly at the light fitting.

When she laughs the really wonky eye seems to bob up and down in a rather disturbing manner while the other one seems to switch from side to side rather like she is watching a game of tennis and a trampoline championship at the same time.

I find this somewhat difficult to deal with. I want to laugh and point, but that would be just cruel and I would find it very off putting when playing hide the sausage if her eyes started rolling around. Especially if one *did* start rolling around after firing out of her eye socket and landing on the floor.

And that’s the rub, she might have a glass eye? I need to have a good stare at her mince pies to see if this is the case, but I am afraid it might cause a bit of a bad scene.
I would love to have a fiddle with her clowns pocket, but the eyes just seem to be a real downer.

Shall I just buy her a pair of sunglasses? Any advice?
Anyone who asks has got to be a raving bottom basher.

Crack on - if the eye disturbs you that much follow the plan:

1. Turn off lights
2. If 1. has failed to have desired effect, turn said burd around and continue until issue
 
#4
She doesn't work in a Bank does she?

Only I am aware of someone matching that description , who is frankly , seriously, drop dead stunning......but....

He can be a cruel God sometimes.
 
#5
polar69 said:
Now I don't want to burst your bubble but are you sure she fancies you ? I mean could she be looking at someone else ?

She could well be looking at anything. I don't think I could work it out without some sort of technical opticians instrument. Or I could just come out with it "What the feck are you looking at now?"
 
#7
Fate is such a fickle character.....tell you what, always look on the bright side:

She can look at you while she's noshing you (from a sideways angle). Bizarre, but go with it. try it on and see how it fits.

All areas covered whilst she's cooking a full blown breakfast. 6 burner hob- no problem

Nobody will nick anything while those eyes are around.

She's yours for life mate. although you may get jealous thinking she's looking at other blokes.

Go for it !!!
 
#8
Close your eyes and think of anything but glass eyes, spirit levels, opticians etc. oh and don't be such a wimp.
 
#9
stjohn_knobrocket said:
Tw@t her on the back of the head and see if her eye shoots out.
And if it does, get in there quick and skull fcuk her. Being sure to secure the errant eyeball at a suitable angle with your congealing baby gravy whilst holding her tenderly in a post coital embrace.

Let us know how you get on and don’t forget the pics!
 
#10
I think this problem goes back to your childhood. Did you ever get sexually aroused watching the Cylons on Battlestar Galactica? If, however, the object of your desire does have a glass eye, imagine the pleasure of getting rimmed by her while you're slamming it back and forth in her eye socket. A word of warning though, gently does it as grey matter is a b@stard to comb out of your pubic hair.
 
#11
soldier-w said:
stjohn_knobrocket said:
Tw@t her on the back of the head and see if her eye shoots out.
And if it does, get in there quick and skull fcuk her. Being sure to secure the errant eyeball at a suitable angle with your congealing baby gravy whilst holding her tenderly in a post coital embrace.

Let us know how you get on and don’t forget the pics!
OK i will keep an eye out for that useful sexual technique. Good drills.
I will get the camera ready, I won't ask her to line it up though and set the timer. We will get a picture of the bedside table. A wonkey one at that.
 
#13
filthyphil said:
I think this problem goes back to your childhood. Did you ever get sexually aroused watching the Cylons on Battlestar Galactica? If, however, the object of your desire does have a glass eye, imagine the pleasure of getting rimmed by her while you're slamming it back and forth in her eye socket. A word of warning though, gently does it as grey matter is a b@stard to comb out of your pubic hair.
No but close, one of the girls at my school all those years back had the same sort of problem with her eyeballs. She used to wear really thick glasses that used to make the squiffy eye look twice the size. She was a real flubberpotamus as well with lank hair and smelly breath. I got tied to her in a one legged race once at a school sports day. This vision sort of sits in my mind, perhaps I am traumatized by this and I should sue the government.
 
#14
Don't worry, they probably only tied you to her so the cnut of a thing could find her way back to the classroom.
 
#15
Nothin wrong with a bit of dip & dazzle.

They used to treat this with electric shocks (i think I read this in Viz). Chuck her a sandwich toaster next time she's in the bath.
 
#16
filthyphil said:
Don't worry, they probably only tied you to her so the cnut of a thing could find her way back to the classroom.
I had no choice, when the whistle went she was off like an angry hippo on speed. I was along for the ride, like it or not - being dragged most of the way. I think they were waving ballons and ice cream at her - that must have been the only way they could get her moving. Though I did feel slightly aroused when she accidently sat on me after tripping over. Think she grew up to drink from the furry cup and wear dungarees, now lives in Brighton.
 
#17
This is a typical situation that explains what carrier bags were invented for. you will need three. one for her, one for you and one in case yours or hers splits.
 
#18
Lympstone_Mud_Warbler said:
filthyphil said:
Don't worry, they probably only tied you to her so the cnut of a thing could find her way back to the classroom.
I had no choice, when the whistle went she was off like an angry hippo on speed. I was along for the ride, like it or not - being dragged most of the way. I think they were waving ballons and ice cream at her - that must have been the only way they could get her moving. Though I did feel slightly aroused when she accidently sat on me after tripping over. Think she grew up to drink from the furry cup and wear dungarees, now lives in Brighton.
I am told that she was so scarred by the incident that she can only achieve orgasm if her partner ties her by one leg to a lamp post and flogs her with a running shoe while screaming "Run you fcuking mong slag"
 
#20
Tenderly apply a lump hammer to the back of the bonce and see if they straighten out. Even if they don't, she'll probably fall asleep for some reason which gives you enough time to do the deed, wipe one's thrid leg on the soft furnishings and depart. Take the hammer with you, fingerprints are a bugger of a thing.
 

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