A satirical tale not for the politically correct

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by Enigma_Bleep, Aug 29, 2006.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. I got this the other day. how true.............Comments? 8O

    The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
    Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper
    has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.


    The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
    house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a
    fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the
    squirrel is warm and well fed.

    A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference
    and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving. The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.

    The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a
    country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The
    Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house. The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with
    breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall
    Overcome". Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London.

    In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrels' taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work. The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrels food is seized and re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.

    Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly
    imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice.
    On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain's apparent
    love of dogs.

    The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempt bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards.

    A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the
    squirrels' food, though Spring is still months away, while the council house
    he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the
    house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is
    blamed for the grasshoppers drug 'illness'.
    The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since
    arrival in UK.

    The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery. A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and state
    the obvious, is set up.

    Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for
    grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is
    increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for
    enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the
    government for failing to befriend the cats.

    The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press
    blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of
    despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of
    They call for the resignation of a minister.

    The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed
    when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United
    The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the
    burglaries and robberies have to sell their homes to cover losses, their
    taxes are increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they
    have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.

  2. Very good. Too near the truth for my liking
  3. I agree
  4. Its like animal farm 2.

    Just as true now as it was then, the looneys really are running the asylumn.
  5. Weird.Same exact thing happened here only in an ironical twist the same goverment got reelected for a another term.In a free and fair elections that required a 5-4 vote by the Supreme Court.
  6. post it to the government, they might understand if it is such simple form.
  7. mmmmm rather near the knuckle, what.
  8. That was bang on.
  9. The really sad thing is that all the ones in positions of power seem completely oblivious to whats going on :evil:
  10. Brilliant composition and too near to the truth. Seems we are in a blame culture that no matter what happens and how insignificant, we have to blame someone and it is normally the poor sod at the bottom (aka us) that cops it in the neck.
  11. That is one very old tale. I first saw that tale about 15 years ago.
  12. Thats more believable than evolution!!!!

  13. not oblivious. They just don't care about the squirrel's point of view, because they get elected by the indolent and lazy, knowing the squirrel will never take to the streets and riot.....

    but then again....
  14. That happened round my way once, only it was about badgers.
  15. bloody brillant!

    Saludos Amigos