Just found this on NewsBiscuit:
Pooh Bear diagnosed with eating disorder
Fans of Winnie the Pooh are said to be appalled that the return of Winnie the Pooh to the Hundred Acre Wood will include psychological analysis for the bearâs âchronic binge eatingâ. Other changes will see Eeyore diagnosed with depression and prescribed âProzacâ before being rehoused in a council donkey sanctuary.
The updated Winnie the Pooh had not been expected to incorporate quite so many negative aspects of modern life, but the publishers said that contemporary readers would expect some sort of analysis and explanation for the disfunctional behaviour of so many of the famous characters.
âPooh is undergoing treatment for an eating disorder related to feelings of low self esteemâ explained cognitive therapist Jim Rouse, âHe feels that he is a bear of little brain so he compensates for his feelings of low self worth by binging on honey and condensed milkâ.
Tigger has been prescribed Ritalin for his behavioral problems, which are believed to be ADHD related, and this has calmed down his âbouncingâ behavior. Beetle was destroyed by a council infestation officer who visited the wood to condemn Eeyoreâs house as uninhabitable while Kanga has been forced into work by the governmentâs policy of getting single mums into the job market. Having completed a course in childcare, she now struggles to make ends meet in a low paid childrenâs nursery job while Roo spends most of the day in childcare, which eats up most of her earnings. Social workers are concerned that Roo is now becoming an overweight child because he doesnât get to play outside as much as he did. DEFRA have a number of questions pending about pig welfare issues and the introduction of non indigenous Kangaroos into the 40.4685642 hectares woods.
Christopher Robin is currently in care due to his negligent parents allowing him to roam on his own in the woods. He had already been served with an ASBO for repeatedly polluting a local river with sticks, while Ofsted are said to be concerned at local education standards which has left most of the inhabitants of the area unable to spell words such as âOwlâ.
The new book will follow Christopherâs attempts to escape from his social worker and return with his animal friends to the woods, which he sadly finds have been bought by developers, chopped down and turned into executive apartments.
Posted: 13 January 2009 by Quaz with contributions from Writerken, Ramblesid, JeniB & Sauce