A real mans BBQ

#2
I'm an admin on the largest firearms website in the world - AR15.com. One of our staff members is a Texan who tows around a gigantic BBQ oven on a trailor. He competes throughout the Southwest and has entered some of the tastiest, sauced beef you will have ever savored in your entire life.

You joes in the U.K. should follow suit of those NRA competition shooters. We host UK friends every year. They ALL boast about having the best time of their lives.

Don't pass it up.
 
#3
I watched a programme recently about some massive event held annually in the States. It's a BBQ cook off with teams from all over America entering. I'm planning a family holiday when I leave the army to coincide with the event, purely so I can stuff my fat face with hunks of meat whilst simultaneously supping my body weight in ale. Beautiful.
 
#4
Lower_Jumper said:
I'm an admin on the largest forearms website in the world - AR15.com. One of our staff members is a Texan who tows around an gigantic BBQ oven on a trailor. He competes throughout the Southwest and has entered some of the tastiest, sauced beef you will have ever savored in your entire life.

You joes in the U.K. should follow suit of those NRA competition shooters. We host UK friends every year. They ALL boast about having the best time of their lives.

Don't pass it up.
Fast edit, L_J, but not fast enough!

So, is this website of yours about large forearms or does it merely cause them?
 
#5
When I was a small child I remember watching a massive American BBQ on TV... I think it was called Napalm Viet Nam!
 
#6
BBQ RULES
As we enter the BBQ season it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three metre exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine...
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat

Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine...
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ' and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women!
 
#8
Surrey_Trog said:
The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ' and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women!
Whilst it's important to get these things of your chest, this thread is supposed to be about the BBQs kind sir.
 
#9
FiveAlpha said:
I watched a programme recently about some massive event held annually in the States. It's a BBQ cook off with teams from all over America entering. I'm planning a family holiday when I leave the army to coincide with the event, purely so I can stuff my fat face with hunks of meat whilst simultaneously supping my body weight in ale. Beautiful.
Ale Walt! Nobody could drink that much.
 
#11
Trog,
I see a fundamental flaw in your BBQ rules.
Salad has no place in a real mans BBQ.
Salad is for people who don't really understand BBQs
Bread is only acceptable to stop you burning your fingers on the hot as the sun meat products.
And cutlery.......cutlery....

Really man, get a grip. Take yourself outside and have a word.
 
#14
Not a photo, but this will bring a tear to any Yarpy's eye (and for the hard of thinking, 'braai' is Afrikaans for barbecue). Actually, to any guy's eye - this ode to a barbecue.

I would not bother explaining this to any woman; they would never understand in their life time, this is men's business, serious men's business!

"Braai Master...”

”Mac was at the braai and Stu was at the braai and I was at the braai; three men standing around a braai, sipping beer, staring at boerewors, rolling them backwards and forwards, never leaving them alone.We didn't know why we were at the braai; we were just drawn there like moths to a flame. The braai was a powerful gravitational force, a man-magnet. Stu said the thin ones could use a turn, I said yeah I reckon the thin ones could use a turn, Mac said yeah they really need a turn it was a unanimous turning decision.

Mac was the Tong-Master, a true artist, he gave a couple of practice snaps of his long silver tongs, SNAP SNAP, before moving in, prodding, teasing, and with an elegant flick of his wrist, rolling them onto their little backs. A lesser tong-man would've flicked too hard; the boerie would've gone full circle, back to where they started.

Nice, I said. The others went yeah. Kevin was passing us, he heard the
siren-song- sizzle of the boerie, the braai was calling, beckoning, Kevinnnnn ...come. He stuck his head in and said any room?

We said yeah and began the braai shuffle; Mac shuffled to the left, Stu shuffled to the left, I shuffled to the left, Kevin slipped in beside me, we sipped our beer.

Now there were four of us staring at the boerie, and Mac gave me the nod, my cue. I was second-in-command, and I had to take the raw boerie out of the plastic bag and lay them on the braai; not too close together, not too far apart, curl them into each other's bodies like lovers - fat ones, thin ones, herbed and continental. The chipolatas were tiny, they could easily slip down between the grill, falling into the molten hot-bead-netherworld below.

Carefully I laid them sideways ACROSS the grill, clever thinking. Mac snapped his tongs with approval; there was no greater braai honor.

Luke came along, he said looking good, looking good - the irresistible lure of the braai had pulled him in too. We said yeah and did the shuffle, left, left, left, left, he slipped in beside Kevin, we sipped our beer. Five men, lots of boerie. Stu was the Fork-pronger; he had the fork that pronged the tough hides of the Free States finest boerie and he showed a lot of promise.

Stabbing away eagerly, leaving perfect little vampire holes up and down the casing. Luke was shaking his head, he said I reckon they cook better if you don't poke them. There was a long silence, you could have heard a chipolata drop, and this newcomer was a rabble-rouser, bringing in his crazy ideas from outside. He didn't understand the hierarchy; first the Tong-master, then the Boerie-layer, then the Fork-pronger and everyone below was just a watcher.

Maybe eventually they'll move up the ladder, but for now - don't rock the Weber.

Wendy popped her head in; hmmm, smells good, she said. She was trying to jostle into the circle; we closed ranks, pulling our heads down and our shoulders in, mumbling yeah yeah yeah, but making no room for her.

She was keen, going round to the far side of the braai, heading for the only available space . . . the gap in the circle where all the smoke and ashes blew. Nobody could survive the gap, nobody had ever survived the gap.

Wendy was going to try. She stood there stubbornly, smoke blinding her eyes, ashes filling her nostrils, boerie fat spattering all over her arms and face. Until she couldn't take it anymore, she gave up, backed off.

Kevin waited till she was gone and sipped his beer. We sipped our beer, yeah. Mac handed me his tongs. I looked at him and he nodded. I knew what was happening, I'd waited a long time for this moment - the abdication. The tongs weighed heavy in my hands, firm in my grip - was I ready for the responsibility?

Yes, I was. I held them up high and they glinted in the sun. Don't forget to turn the thin ones Mac said as he walked away from the braai, disappearing toward the house.

Yeah I called back, I will, I will. I snapped them twice, SNAP SNAP, before moving in, prodding, teasing, and with an elegant flick of my wrist, rolling them back onto their little bellies. I was a natural, I was the TONG-MASTER.

But only until Mac got back from the toilet."
 
#16
JoeCivvie said:
Not a photo, but this will bring a tear to any Yarpy's eye (and for the hard of thinking, 'braai' is Afrikaans for barbecue). Actually, to any guy's eye - this ode to a barbecue.

I would not bother explaining this to any woman; they would never understand in their life time, this is men's business, serious men's business!

Here is a link to Joecivvie's novel ^^^ great video it is, you will get an insight into the unwritten rules of the BBq\braai.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vq2SOmwzjUU

''I must be to young for this s***, wheres the double barrell chicks?''

Where they belong, in the kithen making the salad so they dont interfere with the fire :muhaha: silly boy
 
#17
Surrey_Trog said:
Now I've seen it I want one :D , but they don't seem to have them in B&Q.

Anyone else got a 'relevant' BBQ?


I assume that you got this in the same slide show as I did that's been doing the rounds for ages?
 
#18
FiveAlpha said:
I watched a programme recently about some massive event held annually in the States. It's a BBQ cook off with teams from all over America entering. I'm planning a family holiday when I leave the army to coincide with the event, purely so I can stuff my fat face with hunks of meat whilst simultaneously supping my body weight in ale. Beautiful.
You have family?

Tribaby where are you, another soul to save!
 
#20
I have to say that Surrey_Trog has it correct..to a point. But this is supposed to be a real mans braai right....and theres only mention of two beers... WTF kind of gay BBQ is that? There has to be copious amounts of beer, its the law.

Salad optional...as I'm partial to a bit of sliced tomatoe and dressed leaves.
 

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