A Question of Etiquette.

Discussion in 'Seniors' started by TheKnave, May 13, 2009.

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  1. Yes. Coffee was a cause of the fall of the Great British Empire.

  2. No. It is totally rude to even consider anything but coffee.

  3. Who cares? Where's the port?

  1. We've all been there; a nice Regimental Dinner night. Fine food, wine and a bit of banter at the table. Then before the real drinking starts, cheeseboard, after eight and a nice cup of tea or coffee.

    But no! Not in my mess. No tea; just coffee. Apparently this is because (according to the Mess Manager, voice of PAYD contractor Avenance) tea is against etiquette.

    Now I've been in a few messes in my time and have never been denied a cup of tea after a meal. Even the officers' mess here (also Avenance) serves tea after dinner.

    Now to the question. Who has been refused anything in a mess due to it been deemed impolite or against protocol when it is blatantly done in other messes?
  2. I've voted on 'Who cares where's the port!' but that's just my preference at the end of a dinner.

    Etiquette is always a difficult concept to argue against as it is based on individuals' expectations and experiences. Since no two individuals are identical and no two messes have the same members or history then mess etiquette, whilst having many common concepts, varies in the fine detail between each mess.

    My own experience in a fair few messes would suggest that whilst there are a number of messes which will serve tea as well as coffee, there are a significant number who won't.

    Having asked the question of mess managers at a number of messes who don't normally offer tea (my wife doesn't drink coffee), the answers have fallen into two camps, half have stated that it isn't the norm and they don't want the extra workload when they are trying to clear up and get their staff knocked off before they run into overtime and the other half have said "No problems, just let us know who wants tea."

    Whilst I don't know the mess or mess-manager involved, I would suggest that they are hiding behind 'etiquette' rather than admit that they don't want the extra workload. If you want the definitive answer on whether it is actually your messes etiquette then either ask your badge or ask it in AOB at the next mess meeting.
  3. you might want to try the local Holiday Inn.....
  4. I have heard the excuse that as they put out brown sugar for the coffee they would have to put out an additional white sugar bowl for the tea drinkers. Dee Jay is right they are just being lazy
  5. I like a coffee after dinner but Mrs DW is a tea drinker. Whenever offered coffee at a Mess do she politely asks for a cup of tea. Without fail a cuppa appeares in a few minutes complete with either a pack of sugar lumps or a small bowl of sugar. I always make a point of thanking the Mess Manager next day and it has never been a drama.
  6. What part of the duty of the contractors employee is it to advise Mess members - his clients - on what is and what is not etiquette?
    I assume that some sort of order or requisition goes in for the mains? Add to it that tea and coffee will be made available. If need be, wave the Rink and Drive Big Stick at him!
  7. Same for me, Mrs Bumroll not a coffee drinker so a quick word to a member of the staff or the mess manager and a tea would arrive. Not a big problem at all and as you said a "thank you for that" goes a long way. But all said and done it is your Mess and if you want tea then you tell them and that should be the end of it.