A new Ministerium für Staatssicherheit - Arent We Lucky?

#1
A "Community 'army' is to 'back' the police", according to the responsible Minister, Jacqui Smith.

Thousands of "community crime fighters" are to be trained as part of a £5m package, Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has promised.

She told the Labour Party conference that 3,600 volunteers would act as a link between the public and police.

Ms Smith said the new volunteers would tell police officers what people's main concerns were, giving community groups a stronger voice in how crime was tackled in their locality.

"I can announce new funding for an army of community crime fighters, to back up the unsung heroes who want to turn the tables on graffiti, on yobs and on violent crime," she said.

"We'll give them the skills and training they need to get results. One for every neighbourhood policing team, a local voice, a direct link."
These dreary bastards really have got to go. Did they look at the MfS when the DDR was still a going concern and say to themselves: "Hey, that's a good idea! We need that here!"

I don't need anyone to be a link between me and the Police. I just want to be able to find a working, competent, trained, authoritative Policeman when I really need one - not a "PCSO", not a MfS stoolpigeon, not a civilian contractor. Why can't these bloody people understand that?

Damn. I'm outraged again.
 
#2
Whiskybreath said:
A "Community 'army' is to 'back' the police", according to the responsible Minister, Jacqui Smith.

Thousands of "community crime fighters" are to be trained as part of a £5m package, Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has promised.

She told the Labour Party conference that 3,600 volunteers would act as a link between the public and police.

Ms Smith said the new volunteers would tell police officers what people's main concerns were, giving community groups a stronger voice in how crime was tackled in their locality.

"I can announce new funding for an army of community crime fighters, to back up the unsung heroes who want to turn the tables on graffiti, on yobs and on violent crime," she said.

"We'll give them the skills and training they need to get results. One for every neighbourhood policing team, a local voice, a direct link."
These dreary bastards really have got to go. Did they look at the MfS when the DDR was still a going concern and say to themselves: "Hey, that's a good idea! We need that here!"

I don't need anyone to be a link between me and the Police. I just want to be able to find a working, competent, trained, authoritative Policeman when I really need one - not a "PCSO", not a MfS stoolpigeon, not a civilian contractor. Why can't these bloody people understand that?

Damn. I'm outraged again.
An army of community crime fighters eh?
It would appear that ms spliff is just as dogsh1t with her sums as cyclops is.
Five million quid will barely cover the cost of the capes and boy wonder masks for this new breed of social hero.



PS and I can just hear the criminal element in our society quaking in thier shop-lifted boots. :roll:
 
#3
Whiskybreath said:
A "Community 'army' is to 'back' the police", according to the responsible Minister, Jacqui Smith.

Thousands of "community crime fighters" are to be trained as part of a £5m package, Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has promised.

She told the Labour Party conference that 3,600 volunteers would act as a link between the public and police.

Ms Smith said the new volunteers would tell police officers what people's main concerns were, giving community groups a stronger voice in how crime was tackled in their locality.

"I can announce new funding for an army of community crime fighters, to back up the unsung heroes who want to turn the tables on graffiti, on yobs and on violent crime," she said.

"We'll give them the skills and training they need to get results. One for every neighbourhood policing team, a local voice, a direct link."
These dreary bastards really have got to go. Did they look at the MfS when the DDR was still a going concern and say to themselves: "Hey, that's a good idea! We need that here!"

I don't need anyone to be a link between me and the Police. I just want to be able to find a working, competent, trained, authoritative Policeman when I really need one - not a "PCSO", not a MfS stoolpigeon, not a civilian contractor. Why can't these bloody people understand that?

Damn. I'm outraged again.
There are plenty of arbeitslos MfS operatives who would be glad of a job. Now we're in one big borderless EU family, let's get them over....why reinvent the wheel? :eek:

Alternatively, we could just eviscerate La Smith, stick her stupid smug head on London Bridge, and get a Marcus Wolf type character to do her job.....only properly. :twisted:
 
#4
"Quick - to the Broonmobile, Robin!" :lol:

They really have lost the fcuking plot, have'nt they? :roll:

Fcuk the Stasi - lets set up the Judges!

"The crime is being a Chav - the sentance is death!" :twisted: 8)
 
#5
Lets face it even if they form a tawdy MfS it will be run as all of New Liability's policy's and schemes into the ground. collapsing under reams of pointless administration and constant re branding.

"Marcus Wolf' would never take the job he was a professional.


edited for mllar spellink
 
#6
How long before these people who are a "link between the community and Police" become the targets of said criminals and anti socials?

It's going to be curtain twitchers on steroids and as soon as those that be get found out I wouldnt be surprised if they get run out of their homes.

Never mind the rich mocing inside gated communities, before long we'll have slum estates run by criminals that the Police, Social Services or any other Government organisation wont dare to set foot into!

.....................Wait.....................we have that already don't we!!
 
#7
halo_jones said:
Lets face it even if they form a tawdy MfS it will be run as all of New Liability's policy's and schemes into the ground. collapsing under reams of pointless administration and constant re branding.

"Marcus Wolf' would never take the job he was a professional.


edited for mllar spellink
Seconded. I'd love to see a bunch of Nails, highly-trained Spooks with almost unlimited powers unleashed on the Nations most deserving: Chav's, drug-dealers, kiddie-fiddlers etc. :twisted:

Of course, Stasi GB will be nothing of the kind. It will be a bunch of people so useless they could'nt even get a job as a PCSO, with almost no powers at all, generating masses of paperwork and non-jobs to fcuk over Plod even more... :x

One day-saver for the Outrage Bus, please! :roll:
 
B

Biscuits_AB

Guest
#8
Werewolf said:
"Quick - to the Broonmobile, Robin!" :lol:

They really have lost the fcuking plot, have'nt they? :roll:

Fcuk the Stasi - lets set up the Judges!

"The crime is being a Chav - the sentance is death!" :twisted: 8)

You truly are a f*cking tosser.
 
#9
halo_jones said:
Lets face it even if they form a tawdy MfS it will be run as all of New Liability's policy's and schemes into the ground. collapsing under reams of pointless administration and constant re branding.

"Marcus Wolf' would never take the job he was a professional.


edited for mllar spellink
You aren't wrong; the next logical step following the first recruiting drive for stoolies would be a huge drive to bring in a great tail of 'diversity', health and safety, administration and bum-wiping staff to care for them. The first racially-motivated lawsuits should start about six months after D-Day, and the Daily Mail will report at about the same time that although half of them are illegal aliens, they're all devotees of the New Labour Vision (and they'll be right).
 
#10
Biscuits_AB said:
Werewolf said:
"Quick - to the Broonmobile, Robin!" :lol:

They really have lost the fcuking plot, have'nt they? :roll:

Fcuk the Stasi - lets set up the Judges!

"The crime is being a Chav - the sentance is death!" :twisted: 8)

You truly are a f*cking tosser.
If YOU don't like me, I must be doing SOMETHING right, cnut. :wink:

Oh, and another advantage of the Judge System is that lawyers like you and you're slag of a wife are "retired" via high-speed lead injection. :twisted:
 
#11
Great Goberment pin blame on Police, Police blame the PCSOs now th PCSOs can blame MfS the wheels turn the circle of life is complete and crime goes on uneffected. £5m just give it to me and I can fcuk off at least 1 person in the UK will be happy.
 
#12
Whiskybreath said:
A "Community 'army' is to 'back' the police", according to the responsible Minister, Jacqui Smith.

Thousands of "community crime fighters" are to be trained as part of a £5m package, Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has promised.

She told the Labour Party conference that 3,600 volunteers would act as a link between the public and police.

Ms Smith said the new volunteers would tell police officers what people's main concerns were, giving community groups a stronger voice in how crime was tackled in their locality.

"I can announce new funding for an army of community crime fighters, to back up the unsung heroes who want to turn the tables on graffiti, on yobs and on violent crime," she said.

"We'll give them the skills and training they need to get results. One for every neighbourhood policing team, a local voice, a direct link."
These dreary bastards really have got to go. Did they look at the MfS when the DDR was still a going concern and say to themselves: "Hey, that's a good idea! We need that here!"

I don't need anyone to be a link between me and the Police. I just want to be able to find a working, competent, trained, authoritative Policeman when I really need one - not a "PCSO", not a MfS stoolpigeon, not a civilian contractor. Why can't these bloody people understand that?

Damn. I'm outraged again.
Come on now, give credit where it's due.

Her last cunning plan was to send knife wielding hoodies to hospitals to 'feel the pain' of their victims.

Good call. If I was lying on a sh1t stained trolley in A&E with a carving knife sticking out of me, the last thing I'd want to see would be the canute who stabbed me with a copper in tow who'd no doubt arrest me for stealing the knife.

In any case, how much training do you need to dish out an endless stream of cautions and final warnings to a cottaging pop star who gets caught in a khazi on Hampsted Heath while laden with crack cocaine? I could do that.
 
#14
CQMS said:
Who the hell would volunteer to be one of these, it's tantamount to walking around with a sign that says "Kick me".
At a rough guess I would say
People who call themselves senior residents in the neighbour watch schemes.
The stewards normaly at football matches (not the old blokes earning money while watching the match I mean the ones who act like they are SAS trained once they put that special jacket on)
Park wardens (also with that special jacket)
In fact I reckon theres quite a few police walts out there.
 
#15
Why can't they just go back to the, say, 60s or 70s and re-evaluate the Old Bill procedures in place at the time? I;m sure a lot of them really are out of date by now, but those that meant maintaining a visible Old Bill presence on the streets could be adapted to modern times.

Surely more effort and dosh should be expended in reducing the workload of the Old Bill (a sufficient number of modern computers, for instance), instead of sending another bunch of useless, ineffectual berks with inferiority complexes out on the street? The bind moggles!

Anyway, building up a secret army of bubblers in the UK will be much more difficult than in Germany, since the Boxheeds have no compunctions at all about bubbling each other. They even do it when there's nothing to bubble about, just to stay in practice. Some estimates place the number of IMs - "Inoffizieller Mitarbeiter" (unofficial collaborators) in the former GDR as high as 4 million - in a population of 18 million.

In fact, when my wife and I moved to the former GDR in 1991, the folks she worked with there wouldn't allow her to use her initials on letters because they're "IM". She had to use the first two letters of her first name instead.

MsG
 
#16
Why can't they recruit £5m-worth of Peelers? Then buy them good boots, hats that don't send the rain down the back of the neck and a string vest each, and send them out to talk to people*?

Policing. Too Difficult for Socialists.

(*Edit: ...and nick a few of the bad 'uns while they're at it. 'Evening, all.)
 
#17
Ancient_Mariner said:
... how much training do you need to dish out an endless stream of cautions and final warnings to a cottaging pop star who gets caught in a khazi on Hampsted Heath while laden with crack cocaine? I could do that.
...apropos of not much, I saw this quote today:

In 1991, Michael met lover Brazilian Anselmo Feleppa. The two struck up a close relationship until he lost Mr Feleppa to Aids two years later.
"Anyone who knew me before I met Anselmo would tell you that he opened me up completely ..."
Beautiful image, that.
 
#18
Call me a thick cvnt, but isn't community interaction with the local police, you know, already happening in communities? You see some chav climbing over nextdoors fence and you call the police? Neighbourhood watch meetings? Being a good citizen?
 
#19
LordVonHarley said:
Call me a thick cvnt, but isn't community interaction with the local police, you know, already happening in communities? You see some chav climbing over nextdoors fence and you call the police? Neighbourhood watch meetings? Being a good citizen?
Hopefully. But this will be the modernised version of 'being a good neighbour'.

It will involve payment, targets and dutiful reporting of politically incorrect attitudes.



"And when did you last see your father?"
 
#20
LordVonHarley said:
Call me a thick cvnt, but isn't community interaction with the local police, you know, already happening in communities? You see some chav climbing over nextdoors fence and you call the police? Neighbourhood watch meetings? Being a good citizen?
Yes with one small change call the police no one comes, they turn up two days later to take a report. We can all call the police but untill they start attending within 4 mins or whatever they are chartered to what is the point?
 
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