Not long ago, amidst a pile of mail I noticed I'd received a package from Africa. Knowing there are a number of site members over there who have sent stuff to auction it didn't really set the alarm bells ringing when a box, say 12 by 12 inches appeared in the post. When I looked at the date I noted that it had been in the post for about six weeks and commented to the doris about the state of the worldwide postal system. She asked me what it was and my responce was a more polite version of 'fcuk knows sweetheart' When I opened to box there was a round ball shaped item, wrapped quite neatly in a bin bag, sealed with maskers. inside that there was another, then another, then my suspicions were aroused and the doris retreated to the other side of the kitchen and said 'Has one of your stupid mates sent you a head' I stopped paused for thought then thought 'It could be a monkeys head or something. It was warm so I opted to opened it outside on the patio. I carried on through the wrapping, until I could feel something quite hard and a bit brittle, then the waft hit me like a punch of Lennox Lewis's mum. If was absolutely rancid I thought some cnut had sent me a head after all. It was a perfectly formed, well and truly gopping Rhino turd, all the way from Africa. At this point I ran inside dry heaving and laughing at the same time, quietly saluting the cnut that sent it whislt trying to remain grown up in answering the doris when she said 'What sort of cretin sends big game sh1t through the post' My answer was 'a moron babe' but quietly admiring the sentiment behind the posting. I carried on with the days work and broke off for lunch when the frau made me a sarni. I took it in the front room and began passing judgement and scoffing at the offerings on daytime tele. At the moment the last gob ful of tuna mayo was despatched the dog, a mad black lab pup bounded into the room waggy tailed and looking for affection, so being a big kinder at heart I leapt to the floor and went to engage it in a head lock, the slimy cunt beat me to it with a big jowelly slobbery lick, straight to the mouth....... it then dawned on me as I began to vomit all over the place that the dirty cnut had eaten the rhino turd in the garden. I wondered if any other site members had consumed Rhino, elephant of hippo sh1t? If I can pass on a lesson, never give Cutaway your home address, he rapes people and posts plop inter continentally.