Yeah, it might hold a bit more gravitas if it came from the Telegraph or Times or something, I reckon that anything that helps keep the armed forces in the public eye is a good thing, but it needs to be done in an appropriate way, as I say maybe if they offered the winner Â£20,000 and his pick of the page 3 girls they'd have plenty of takers! Alternately, everyone could spam the site with urine-taking applications, Pvt FatBiff nominated for services to teamaking...
Isn't this what we have gallantry awards for, though? Why would anyone want a sad rag like this to shove their face in the front page before forgetting about them the moment Kerry Katona pumps out yet another sprog.
Have you seen the categories?
1. Best Recruit
2. Support to the Armed Forces
3. Lifesaver Awards
4. True Grit: Individual
5. True Grit: Group
6. Best Armed Forces Animal
7. Most Outstanding Sailor or Marine
7. Most Outstanding Soldier
8. Most Outstanding Airman
8. Overcoming Adversity
9. Best Unit
10. Judges Award for Special Recognition.
I reckon we could also add:
11. Best SCH
12. Biggest Ginge
13. Worst Bit of Kit
14. Biggest Bluff
The list could be endless but for No 6, I nominate Sluggy, For No 1, I nominate Pte Mike Golden, For No 7, I nominate Arthur 'the I Pod kid' Batchelor.
Who gets your vote and are there more categories to be added?
Most obstructive storeman- awarded to the man or woman who despite all the odds managed to issue absolutely nothing to anyone over a 1 year period, and offered nothing except abuse, and bitterness. also called the "i'ts all mine i tell ya" award.
Laziest squad award- given to the man (or woman) who has managed to be at the front of every NAAFI queue and the rear of any deployment list for their whole career, and has a fablonned biff chit excusing them "the f ucking lot"
biggest sex liar award - given to the man (or woman) coming up woth the most implausible, unbelievable, but delivered with absolute sincerity whopper about their on leave shennanigans.
Worst bar fighter award- given to the person, who has started and subsequently lost in spectacular fashion the most fights. also called "the underweight jock award"
for the ladies ...the "my fanny hurts" award, to the chick who's been pulled off the most excercises/PT sessions/ops for "ladies reasons" but still manages to f uck her way to promotion.
for the chaps.. the "most doses caught in a 12 month period" award proof of courses of antibiotics and having a bell end that looks like a chewed dog toy are mandatory.
I would like to thank the Academy for the award of biggest ginge. I know I am now somewhat bald and somewhat grey but for much of my career I was a ginge, I was born ginge and fought ginge and hope to die ginge. Thanks again and a special thanks to those people who do reddening hair shampoo. Twiglets? No sorry mate not me...
Do it. I can't see it being too hard. Make sure you inform every newspaper of their nomination, then tell the top 3 about their successes. I reckon the winner would do a small article on it, given the chance to bully their rivals.