A Look at life

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Bad_Crow, May 13, 2007.

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  1. After much and many questions about what the army is all about my Missus has finally decided she wants "play army" at some point for a couple of days in the summer. She wants to eat "Compost" (Yes compo) and sleep in a "Busher" to see what its like.

    Any suggestions on how I can give her the "British Army on exercise feeling".

    I know where I have posted this so offers to take her POW and bum rape her are welcome but any good ideas would be useful!
  2. army exercise experiance... hmmmm
    keep her awake for three days solid, get her to make countless brew's starve her, shout at her loads and finnish it off with a well earned beating, before taking her back in for tea and medals. sorted ;)
  3. :roll: Okay, just this once :roll: I'll help you in your hour of need.

    PM me her mobile No and I'll take it from here mate.
  4. Funny enough 1 of my lads did that to his misses after she kept complaining that he was knackered after weekends away!!!! Although he added PT on!!!! She soon realised why he was always so knackered
  5. Hi all

    just take her into town the iraq way!!

    leave house kicking the door open and shouting "get the fook down"
    carefully bound down to the first corner and hug the wall before carefully and quickly taking a glance round the walls edge.
    shout round at her "clear" ready "go" IL cover you!!

    do this ALL the way round town and soon she will come to the hard fact she doesn`t care why your knackerd cos she won`t want you comming back,let alone moan cos your tired!!.

    if not take her to the woods and build some ramshackle cover with twiggs and say to her"there you go c u in 3days"

    The phone WILL ring after 30mins (job done)
  6. Set your camcorder up and recording away then get two of your mates to lift up a fully laden bergen while she slips her arms behind her through the straps, then tighten everything up and stand back for a fcuking good giggle as your mates step away from the bergen and you get to watch your missus fall flat on her back, legs and arms in the air, where you can then leave her for three days.

    For added fun, get her to do this naked (emphasise operational necessity) and you can all take turns whacking one up her, happy in the knowledge that you can pop down the pub for a few wets to work up a fresh boner and that she'll still be there, ready and willing (?) as ever, when you show up for more.

    Hurry up and post a link to the results on You Tube ASAP!!

    Okay, so it's not exactly a true reflection of military life but it'll show her how much 'fun' it is to run around with 25+ kg on your back and far more importantly it'll give arrsers a good laff!!
  7. Give her some food that tastes like sh*t and tell her there's two choices. Take it or ferking leave it. Then find her some waterproof clothing and tell her to stand out side in the rain whilst it acts like a tea bag absorbing water till she's p*ss wet through. Then give her some totally pointless exercises to do.

    At the end of it. Tell her Well done!! :D


  8. Give her this Sh1t to be getting on with... :wink:
    Watch her through the kitchen window to DS her and bug her out at your
    discretion...Enjoy.. :wink:

    Want to be a soldier, but really don't want to commit precious years of your life? Here are some easy ways to simulate exactly what it's like to be a soldier...

    - Surround yourself with people who smoke like chimneys, drink like fish, bitch/whine/complain about EVERYTHING, and use foul language that would make a teamster blush.

    - Pack three days worth of clothes and toiletries. Live in your backyard for two weeks. Go into the house only once in that two weeks to shower. Dig a hole in your back yard and live in it. Allow no direct contact with your family. Your only means of communication should be with letters that your neighbours have held for at least three weeks, discarding two of five.

    - Every two days, fill in the hole, move to another part of the yard and dig another hole. Every time you are approximately half-way through digging the hole, have somebody come by, compliment you on the fine hole you've dug and tell you to fill it in and dig it somewhere else.

    - Always dig a hole next to the hole you're living in. This is your toilet. Re-dig the hole every time you move your living hole. Fill in the old hole and mark it with a "Foul Ground" sign. Have somebody remove the sign while you're not looking. Dig in that exact space in 1 month's time.

    - Collect a jar-full of ants, dirt, various bugs and mosquitoes. Pour them down the back of your shirt.

    - Have week old fruit and vegetables delivered to your back yard and have your neighbour give you one per day until they all go rotten and have to be thrown out. Watch your neighbour eat as many as he wants, because he's non-tac.

    - If it doesn't rain, turn on the sprinklers.

    - If you're incredibly tired and fed-up one night, stand guard duty in your hole from 3 a.m. to 6 a.m. Don't sleep at all that day, even though there's nothing to do.

    - Sleep for only twenty minutes at a time. No matter how tired you are. Even though there's nothing to do.

    - Cook your meals in your shaving mug. Eat everything cold. Buy food with instructions in Yiddish, so it never turns out how it should.

    - Eat everything in three minutes. After eating, sit around for two hours, glad you ate everything in 3 minutes.

    - Buy two rolls of toilet paper. Ensure one of these two rolls is wet all the time.

    - Run around your yard, periodically throwing yourself to the ground and crawling for at least 20 meters -- or smack your shins, knees and elbows with a hammer to gain the same effect.

    - For two days in a row, walk 10 kilometres without stopping. Wear a poorly fitting backpack with fifty-five kg of weight in it. Bitch and whine the whole way.

    - When making sandwiches, leave the bread out for six days or until it is hard and stale. Alternatively, put grated carrot, pineapple and tomato on everything so your bread runs down your arm like a liquid.

    - Have one meal a week served to you floating in it's own grease in a large cooler or similar insulated container. Serve coffee, juice and other beverages the same way.

    Now does she like to play Army..

    Attached Files:

  9. Don't think I want to play anymore :( :(
  10. Or while she is out on a night Navex, and not due back, to re dig her
    NBC Trench with complete top cover to stage 3 Etc...

    You could swan off and enjoy this beexer of a day.. :lol:

    The perfect day…………………for HIM

    6.15am…Blow job
    6.30am…Massive satisfying dump whilst reading the sports section
    7.00am…Breakfast : Rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by a naked, buxom wench
    7.30am…Limo arrives
    7.45am…Several whiskies on way to airport
    9.15am…Flight in personal lear jet
    9.30am…Limo to Riverside Oaks Golf Club (blow job en route)
    9.45am…Play first 9 (2 under)
    11.45am…Lunch : Pie, chips and gravy, 3 lagers and a bottle of Dom Perignon
    12.15am…Blow job
    12.30pm…Play second nine (4 under)
    2.15pm…Limo back to airport (several whiskies en route)
    2.30pm…Fly to Monte Carlo
    3.30pm…Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew
    4.30pm…Land world record Marlin (1234lbs) - on light tackle
    5.00pm…Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle MacPherson
    6.45pm…Shit, shower and shave
    7.00pm…Watch news : Michael Jackson assassinated, marijuana and porn legalised
    7.30pm…Dinner : lobster appetiser, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a pair of tits
    9.00pm…Napoleon Brandy and Havana cigar in front of wall size TV as you watch Match Of The Day - England beat Germany 11-0
    9.30pm… Sex with three women, all with lesbian tendencies
    11.00pm…Massage and jaccuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a few pints
    11.30pm…Night cap blow job
    11.45pm…In bed alone
    11.50pm…A 12 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
    12.00pm…Fall asleep giggling

    Good Drills... :D
  11. A 6AM start??
  12. Give her the Deepcut experience - make her walk round the woods for two hours in the rain then slot her in the back of the head and say she did it herself.
  13. Quality...Jim, :D

    Had a mate go to Deepcut,

    Apparently you get a fifty cal plate with your car pass at the Guardroom,
    Then you Hard Target to your Accommodation.. :wink:
  14. Some good idea. I'm sticking by my original idea of i'm just gonna fcuk her about alot and maybe set off some MRE bombs in the middle of the night and bump her into the next campsite!