A little poem for you all

I have a little Satnav
It sits in my car
A Satnav is a driver's friend
It tells you where you are

I have a little Satnav
I've had it all my life
It’s better than the normal ones
My Satnav is my wife

It gives me full instructions
Especially how to drive
"It's thirty miles an hour", it says
"You're doing thirty five"

It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever
Safe to overtake
It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene

It lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear
And taking this into account
It specifies my gear.

I'm sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice

It fills me up with counselling
Each journey's pretty fraught
So why don't I exchange it
And get a quieter sort?

Ah well, you see, it cleans the house,
Makes sure I'm properly fed,
It washes all my shirts and things
And - keeps me warm in bed!

Despite all these advantages
And my tendency to scoff,
I do wish that once in a while
I could turn the f****** thing off.
Fifty Shades of Grey.

The missus bought a paperback
down Mumbles, Saturday
I had a look into her bag
'Twas Fifty Shades of Grey.

Well I just left her to it
At ten I went to bed,
And one hour later she appeared -
The sight filled me with dread....

In her left hand she held a rope,
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor
And then began to strip.

Well, fifty years or so ago
I might have had a peek,
But Doris hasn't weathered well,
She's eighty-four next week.

Watching Doris bump and grind
Could not have been much grimmer,
Then things went from bad to worse
She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled back upon her feet
A couple of minutes later,
She put her teeth back in and said
That I must dominate her!

Now if you knew our Doris
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
From our last mad sex, I muttered.

She stood there nude, all naked like,
Bent forward just a bit...
So I thought - what the hell - stepped forward
And stood on her left tit!

Doris screamed, her teeth shot out,
My God, what had I done?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out
"Step on the other one!!"

Well readers, I can't tell no more
'Bout what occurred that day...
Suffice to stay, my jet black hair
Turned "Fifty Shades of Grey!"
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
P Poetry Corner 0
P ARRSE Social, Events & Networking 0
S The Intelligence Cell 1

Similar threads

Latest Threads