A little light entertainment for a sunny Saturday morning.

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by hellsbrink, Jul 13, 2013.

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  1. Typoed Fuckbook rather than Facebook. Yeah right mate.
    I typo RedTube all the time myself and am traumatised when I can't view gun porn and have to make do with the regular kind.
     
  2. Piccie of his wife ? - just to complete the story.

    Just for research I typed fuckbook into google.It comes up on the listing obviously,but you still need to open the link,surely enough time to realise the error of his ways?
     
  3. Fuckwit more like! Failing model career, frivolous lawsuit, no publicity is bad publicity; cynical, moi??!!!


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  4. Another f*ckwit who is trying it on to make some Kompenshayshun.......
     
  5. And aggressive stalker, you forgot aggressive stalker wot sends half naked pics to other men.....
     
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  6. Yes, and I reckon everyone laughed at Ms. Liebeck for suing McDonalds for not mentioning how hot their coffee was....
     
  7. I think I might join if this becomes a class action ..
     
  8. There's a few likely candidates from the NAAFI Bar who could be added as co-defendants.
     
  9. Im assuming he thinks that apple designed the QWERTY keyboard then; what a facewit!
     
  10. Perhaps he's a Tourette's typist. It's easily cnut done.
     
  11. I'm surprised even the US military allowed such a mong to join their ranks. I wonder what his guys are saying about him
     
  12. Thanks Mr Felize, I've finally got a pissflapping diagnosis.
     
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  13. The only reason she won that was because the local food inspectors had repeatedly warned that McDs that the coffee was far too hot and must be reduced to a lower temp. Turns out the manager had the thermostat cranked way up because at that higher temp people couldnt taste how utterly dog toffee it was. Without that, she would have been laughed out of court rather than laughing and skipping out.
     
  14. Nice one.I only need a slight nudge to put this up.....

    An out of work pianist with Tourettes Syndrome is strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one unemployed afternoon. Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'.

    '******* get in there you ****!' he says to himself and goes to the bar. 'Get the ******* manager of this pigs shit middle class wankhole please you ****', he says to a somewhat startled barman. The barman however obliges and his manager comes upstairs. 'Can I help you sir?' he says

    'Yes you can you fat piece of shit, I saw your poxy advert in the ******* window and I'm here to audition.....******.'

    The manager is naturally put off by the man's abrasive manner but his dire need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition. The first tune the Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries, 'Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?' 'That song, you big nosed twat, was called "Excuse me prime minister but I just jizzed in your daughter's eye, and now the ***** blind...'

    'Oh' says the manager 'err, can you play me another. Something a little less "lively".

    '******..' interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful ballad which leaves the manager in tears. The manager through his salty teardrops asks him the title. 'That little number was called "Sometimes when you do a bird up the shitbox you get crap on your bell end.'

    'I see' says the manager, 'Have you got any songs with less offensive titles?' 'Well there's my jazz number "Do you want me to split your ringpiece", or there's the epic "I don't care if you're older my dear, you've still got nice jugs".

    'Look' says the manager interrupting, 'I think you're a superb pianist but the title of your songs are a little "racy". I will hire you on the condition that you do not introduce your songs or speak to the audience.'

    '**** it' says the pianist 'Why not'.

    On his first night everything is going superbly the crowd are lapping up his repertoire and his silence is being perceived as modesty. The only thing putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a gorgeous blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and inviting cleavage. During the interval the pianist has got such a stonking hard on that he decides to go to the bog and knock one out. Just as he has shot his muck he hears himself being re-introduced over the tannoy, so he rushes back to the stage and finishes his act. After the show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him. 'Hi' she says. 'Hello' he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives. She leans over and whispers in his ear, 'Do you know your cock is hanging out of your trousers, and spunk is dribbling onto your shoes?'

    'Know it?' says the pianist putting his beer on the bar confidently, 'I ******* wrote it!!!'
     
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