reminds me of the gay guy who came into the hospital once with a "slight problem".
He and his boyfriend had been making plaster moulds of stuff (they were "arty") when they thought they'd had a bright idea - they decided to have a little anal fun with the plaster of paris!
What they didn't realise is that the walls of the rectum absorb moisture so the plaster set hard and he ended up being operated on to remove about a litre's worth of POP in a perfect cast of this guy's rectum!!
Sexual Gratification...the lengths some people will go to.
Smithie you are not allowed to read this next post.
I heard this a couple of years ago during a gap in a presentation, you know the sketch, throw a few funnies in to remind the audience to breathe every now and then. I say heard because some septic DJ was reading the following out and crying with laughter as he read it.
It is not for the faint hearted and if you like Gerbils just skip it.
This is an actual article from the Los Angeles Times:
"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.
Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously awry.
"I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon', my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot, but he wouldn't come out again. I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking that the light might attract him."
At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out of the tube, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers. This fire in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball."
Tomaszewski suffered 2nd degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil. Farnum suffered 1st and 2nd degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.
Well, isn't that special.
I wonder what happened to Raggot?
Somebody listed the top ten things that scared him the most in reading this story... Here they are:
10. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum..." Ouch!!!
9. "So I peered into the tube..." Aaaaaaaahhhh! I'm sorry, but that's like looking through a telescope into Hell. I'd rather use binoculars to stare at the sun.
8. That poor gerbil (who obviously suffers from low self-esteem) being shot out of a guy's anus like Rocky the Flying Squirrel on the Bullwinkle Show.
7. Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of someone's anus. I'm just guessing, but I seriously doubt said gerbil was springtime fresh after his little journey into Kiki's "tunnel of love".
6. People walking around with volcanic-like pockets of gas in their rectums.
5. People who do this kind of thing and then admit what they were doing when taken to the emergency room. Sorry, but I think I would have made up a story about a gang of roving, pyromaniac, anal sex fiends breaking into my house and sodomizing me with a lighter before I admitted the truth. Call me old-fashioned, but I just can't imagine looking at a doctor and saying, "Well Doc, it's like this. See we have this gerbil, and we took this cardboard tube..."
4. "1st and 2nd degree burns to the anus..." Wouldn't this make the burning itch and discomfort of hemorrhoids a welcome relief? How does one ever take a healthy shit after something like that? And the smell...
3. People named "Kiki" (which is obviously a Polynesian word for "idiotic white men who insert rodents up their butts").
2. What kind of hospital would hold a press conference on this?
1. This happened in Salt Lake City. What kind of people are those Mormons? (I'm starting to get a whole new image of the Osmonds...)
Potential: it was about a guy's intestines being sucked down a plughole. How much more gruesome can you get? I mean, I suppose if (a la Dog Soldiers) the family pet dived in and started chewing away...
Personally, I've always found lesbian porn and my own right hand sufficient when I want a tommy tank. Anal prolapse just isn't a turn on.
I was just comparing it to something I saw in a emergency surgery book yesterday (with photographs) about a diabetic bloke with gangrenous necrosis of the genitalia. This was treated with debridement of the affected area which resulted in the TOTAL emasculation of the chap in question.
Put it this way...
lower intestine = few nerve endings......
the average bloke's meat and two veg = more nerve endings than you could shake a stick at!!!
Placing you arrse on a suction vent? Why didn't he put a c0ck up there like everyone else?
If you read it all and got to the part about chewing through it, why didnt he swim down a little eh? Could have saved himself a few more feet.