A Little Humor In the Midst of Our Tiresome Election Season

#1
If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. ~ Jay Leno

The problem with political jokes is they get elected. ~ Henry Cate, VI

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. ~ Aesop

If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union
speeches, there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven. ~ Will Rogers

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. ~ Nikita Khrushchev

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. ~ John Quinton

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. ~ Oscar Ameringer

I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will
stop telling the truth about them. ~ Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. ~ Tex
Guinan

I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. ~ Charles de Gaulle

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to
change the locks. ~ Doug Larson
 
G

goatrutar

Guest
#2
Don't complain. Voting here is mandatory. And none of the fuckers are worth voting for.
 
#3
Don't complain. Voting here is mandatory. And none of the fuckers are worth voting for.
Means you'll get plenty of practice at drawing cocks then.

Spending 8 minutes in the booth highlighting veins and shading the scrotum tends to annoy the folk behind you, too. So I'm told.
 
#5
#6
"I predict, Sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease".
"That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress."

Attributed to various pairs.
 
G

goatrutar

Guest
#9
Means you'll get plenty of practice at drawing cocks then.

Spending 8 minutes in the booth highlighting veins and shading the scrotum tends to annoy the folk behind you, too. So I'm told.
Done that a few times. The number of informal votes here is pretty high.
 
#10
The Republicans could have come up with a perfectly sane and competent candidate - someone like Daniels or Christie.

If you're disappointed with at least one of the candidates, then blame the Tea Party mentalists for hijacking the GOP. I mean, Bachmann should be fucking sectioned, not put forward as a candidate to govern the world's superpower.
 
#11
'If voting changed anything, they'd ban it.' Ken Livingstone.
 
#12
The Republicans could have come up with a perfectly sane and competent candidate - someone like Daniels or Christie.

If you're disappointed with at least one of the candidates, then blame the Tea Party mentalists for hijacking the GOP. I mean, Bachmann should be fucking sectioned, not put forward as a candidate to govern the world's superpower.
And may I ask on what factual bases there are for your rather ridiculous broadside that reflects an appalling lack of understanding as to the "tea party" as anyone does ego refers to it in terms of being a single "party" or even an organization.

Having been involved in various local tea party groups and having participated in various grass roots rallies of 100s of thousands of quite normal citizens concerned about their country, I take issue with your disparaging description that could not be farther from the reality.
 
#13
Er ... now let me see ... where do I take my evidence from?

Could it possibly have something to do with the fact that the GOP selected a Max Headroom lookalike as an alternative to the various assortment of nutbags and liabilities on offer?

If come November 2012 you've got Obama for another four years you've got no one but yourselves to blame.
 
#14
If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. ~ Jay Leno

The problem with political jokes is they get elected. ~ Henry Cate, VI

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. ~ Aesop

If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union
speeches, there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven. ~ Will Rogers

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. ~ Nikita Khrushchev

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. ~ John Quinton

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. ~ Oscar Ameringer

I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will
stop telling the truth about them. ~ Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. ~ Tex
Guinan

I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. ~ Charles de Gaulle

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to
change the locks. ~ Doug Larson
And for some tired cynicism, JJ.

There is no act of treachery or meanness of which a political party is not capable; for in politics there is no honour. ~ Benjamin Disraeli

Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind. ~ George Orwell

Those goddam fucking bastard politicians should be shot with a ball of their own bullshit. ~ Gun_Brickie
 
#15
And for some tired cynicism, JJ.

There is no act of treachery or meanness of which a political party is not capable; for in politics there is no honour. ~ Benjamin Disraeli

Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind. ~ George Orwell

Those goddam fucking bastard politicians should be shot with a ball of their own bullshit. ~ Gun_Brickie
I do enjoy reading Eric Blair; one of our finest essayists.
 
#16
Plus interest, don't forget the interest. Thieving bastards!!!

Well, to be quite honest about all this, you forgot to add to the tab the bill from the foundry for The Liberty Bell. We refused to pay it because the damned bell was found to be faulty and cracked!

Then there's the cast eagle atop the US Embassy in London. We refused to pay because its head was facing the wrong direction, or so I am told.

Lastly, the matter of the SS Richard Montgomery. It was loaded with bombs and explosives which were sold to you lot, but because of unpleasantness with your Germanic neighbours, it was sunk in 1944 in the Thames Estuary and has been there ever since. Instead of getting right on it and recovering all your bombs, the government of the day halted the operation and insisted Uncle Sam do the dirty work. The cargo has deteriorated for decades so it is only slightly less antique and unstable as myself.

EODMatt can probably give more info on this. I doubt he would want any part of the operation.
 
#18
Plus interest, don't forget the interest. Thieving bastards!!!
And the £134 million at 1770's prices that the septics owe us for defense against the French after a cock-up by a certain G Washington.

And then they had the audacity to have a revolution because we were going to tax them to get it back. (and the level of tax was less than in England at the time).
I say we sue the pants off em!
 
#19
Ahn JJH many a true word spoken in jest! Except that I feel that you were not joking when making that post. I particularly like Kruschevs quote, such honesty from a Soviet politician is unheard of, or so I thought.
 

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