A large portion.....

I went into the chippie today and said, "One large fish and chips please mate?"

He said, "Wrapped?"

I said, "Give me a large mother-fucking fish, hit me with some chips bitch, one time"
A Jock went into the same Chippie and asked for a bag of chips.

"75 or 95" asked the bloke.

"If yer gonnae fuckin' count them ye can fuck off!"

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