a ladyfriend dilemma....

ladies and gentlemen,

as an adjunct to Sandmanfez's earlier question, i would be very grateful for your advice on a matter of some delicacy.

about six years ago i moved - in my mid-twenties - to a small town in northern england for a new job. i moved into a shared house along with a girl of the same age who i'd never met before.

we got on really well - as friends - and became very close. obviously i fell in love with her, it wasn't reciprical and things got a bit awkward so i got a new job and moved far away.

i'm now happily married and have a child.

i would like to become friends with this woman again, she really was a great friend and we have a sort of 'proxy contact' in that our respective friends vaguely know each other.

now then, i thought the obvious thing would be to send a christmas card - my concern however is that i'm not absolutely sure that this girls knows that i'm now married with a family, i however know that she isn't - but i also want to apologise for my perhaps ever-so-slightly immature behaviour as a rampant young man throwing his toys out of the pram.

so, how can i a) delicately let her know that i'm married, b) would like to re-kindle our friendship - and nothing more, and c) apologise for being a prick without writing an enormously long letter that makes me look like an obsessive stalker?

i'll deliver the card/note/pressie to her work next week, as i happen to be in that small town on business.

i rather fancy getting her some form of pressie, probably in the form of a book - she's an avid reader - any ideas?

cheers, i'm very, verty grateful for your advice.

Sorry Cokecan, just reread the thread and spotted the young man comment. I was sort of hoping yiour were female as that would have elicited better suggestions.

If she was not keen on you first time round what makes you think she's up for it now?

Sensitive New Age Infantryman
thats the problem, we were really good friends, very close and not because i wanted to get in her knickers. i fell in love with her after living with her for about six months - an epiphany-type experience.

i'm hoping that we could gloss over the 'hideously misjudged falling in love bit' and try to get back the 'very close friends bit'.

sorry theres no rugmunching action in this story.... :cry:
CC , how old are you 13 ?

You are married with a sprog , forget her , move on

She obviously did the minute you stormed off in a petulant fit
If she is in anyway interested in you, she'd have initiated contact, or never allowed it to be lost.

I think she'd know you're married with a child via the third party friend you share.

Write her a card, call her at work, tell her you're in the area, suggest you drop card at front desk, tell her you acted like a tit all those years ago, laugh, then wait. If she WANTS to chat to you further she'll suggest you ask for her rather than leaving the card.

nice touch might be to pop a pic of your kid into the card, this introduces the idea you're happy with your lot and that way she can re-evaluate her role in your life and decide if she'd be comfortable with further contact.

Beebs x
More importantly, what does your Missus have to say about the intended target of your freindship?..................she does know, right?
FFS... come on mate, think about it!??!!
You are wed with a child, is it that hard to work out.
Nuff said!
Hey Mr Selfish, you can't have it all. How will your missus feel if you 'rekindle' an old friendship with a girl you openly admit to having fallen in love with. You obviously can't have a friendship with this woman. You obviously still harbour quite significant feelings for her and being around her again is not healthy. She has to be consigned to the pile of 'ones that got away'. It's tough but it's life. To do anything different is the first step to commiting adultery - which only finishes up in a Dear Diedre moment of 'and after drinking a bottle of wine the next thing I knew we were both naked and having sexxx' - It is time to grow up.
Either forget her, or get a divorce.

Better still - save a lot of time and forget her and get a divorce because you are walking into a disaster.
Pin her to the floor of her office, crimp off her big toe with bolt croppers and eat it.

Mutilate her face for shunning you, then cut off your own penis and sew it into her bottom.

As you leave, give her a cheeky grin and lovingly tell her you can't wait to see her at easter :D
I've just got a fax from the village's WI knitting club, your old "Friend" has got very fat and missing most of her teeth and has 14 kids to seperate fathers. Still want to meet her?

Walk away and forget her or your wife will devorce you faster than you can say "she got the house, the kid, the savings and my sports car".
so perhaps there is concern in ARRSErland that this may be a proposed course of action with unintended and indeed unwelcome consequences?

i think i agree.

plan shelved.
Good drills lad.
You've made the right move.

Now you can buy night vision goggles and a badger suit for some bottom of the garden stalking :lol:

or hire a Private eye to stalk her for you :lol:
You might not realise it but you still want to get in her knickers. You are fooling yourself when you say you want her as a friend again. You have been married a while now and like all women since having a sprog your wife has gone frigid and you are looking for a bit of loving.

This is what you should do:
Tell your wife you are going on a course, Visit this bird with a bunch of flowers and a bottle of fizzy wine, give her a sob story about how your wife doesn't understand you and get her pi$$ed. The result of this in my experience should be a sympathy F%ck.
Once you have fired off your bolt you will be ready to put her to the back of your mind and go back to your wife as normal.

You should be able to get away with this about 3 times before this chick clocks on to what you are about.
Trust me mate. This is the way ahead.

Off load your kid to the grandparents, whisk your wife off on a big shopping trip (get her a new dress, lingerie, steam iron, shoes) and a new hair cut followed by a swish lunch, back home, quick change into evening wear. Then off to thearte and meal out, resulting in your wife looking like a princess, feeling loved and ready to say thank you in her own special way 8)
Mate, the answer is; introduce her to your wife, get a couple of bottles of wine down the both of em, and get a bit of 'pairs fire and manouver in'. Please send pictures, I like pairs fire and manouver.
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