...except in his own country. There I am, sun-tanned and San-toned, San Miguel that is. Sat by the pool and chilled to the max. Suddenly the peace and calm is shattered by a hideous splash and the sounds of a three year old in watery distress. Luckily with the reflexes of a PADI Rescue Diver I am in the water before she has gone down for the third time and she is on the side in seconds, safe and sound. I then exit the pool only to realise that my brand new Motorola Razr is in my shorts pocket. For approximately two seconds I am a hero, for my speed of reaction, successful rescue of the fenianette and masterly control of what could have been another holiday horror story on page 5 of the Mail. For the rest of the fortnight I'm a muppet for getting my telephone swamped. Honestly, is there any justice in this life? No? I thought not.