Dear Sir, I find myself in somewhat of a dilemma. Last night, after consuming a few pints of Old Scarecrows Scrotal Juice (99p a pint at a well known pub chain) I found myself in the company of what I thought was an attractive young lady. This morning however things are a bit different, after my normal morning activities of bathroom stuff I noticed that the lady concerned had upper lip hair and a rather large growth of under arm hair. Although I do not remember her having an appendage, my mouth has a funny taste to it and it feels like I have fur in it (not to be confused with ethnic youth culture of the word Innit) and my bottom is rather sore. Have I, unintentionally, had a gay experience. On a side note the lady in question has now departed my abode without leaving a phone number. Yours Worried of Wiltshire.