A Fun New Sport

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Twatinahat, Sep 15, 2011.

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  1. I recently discovered a fantastic new sport which unfortunately, has been forgotten and neglected in recent years. The sport of which I am talking, is the competitive wacker-plating of whores. What is this preposterous nonsense, you may say. I shall tell you.

    One day in the year 1927 a gentleman by the name of Arthur Henderson brutally murdered a prostitute who short changed him, using an old BSA wacker plate to flatten and dispose of the corpse. Thus began a wave of wacker plate based murders that spread through the UK. The government could see only one way of restricting the inhumane murder of prostitutes across the country. This was to form the National Association for Wacker Plate Based Murder, who would organise and restrict the use of wacker plates on whores across the UK. They set up a league, where competitors could submit their flattened corpses for judgement in categories such as thickness and density.

    Needless to say, Arthur Henderson soon rose to the top of the British Wacker Plate League, his beloved 275cc BSA Wacker Mk 2, named "Edna", serving him from the leagues creation in 1928 until 1937. Henderson went on to pioneer the wacker plating world, by creating the standard rate for measuring the quantity of prostitutes flattened by one man, known as fppm, or flattened prostitutes per minute. At his height in the Great 1931 Midlands Whore Culling, Henderson was sponsored by BSA. Finally "Edna" gave out at the end of the 1937 season, exploding and severely wounding Arthur. Fortunately Henderson's genius was not lost on that cold august morning. Just days before, Henderson finished what has been labelled as his greatest contribution to wacker plating. He succeeded in tiling the Birmingham town hall with 22,000 prostitutes, wacker plated into parquet sized blocks.

    And so you now know the story of wacker plating prostitutes as a sport. Whilst wacker plating isn’t as popular as it once was, it still has a loyal following amongst truck drivers and train spotters. The wacker plating official magazine, "Wacker's Weekly" can be subscribed to by sending them a portfolio of photographed flattened whores or by submitting a flattened whore in a pizza box to their office in Birmingham, the spiritual home of wacker plating.

    And so I propose a revival of the sport and call upon the fertile minds of ARRSE to come up with some creative variations on the traditional wacker plating sport. Please feel free to contribute by suggesting any new ways to make wacker plating whores more interesting and exciting as I someday hope it to overtake F1 as a popular motor sport. Also any new variations or modifications to wacker plates themselves to make them more efficient or effective in the dispatching of whores is welcome.
  2. I thought the schools had gone back :?
    Why does marmalade spring to mind too!
  3. Pikey hunting with dags would get my vote.
  4. And what makes you think I'd be at school?
  5. You're a paedo and that's where all the kiddies are...?
  6. And what brings you to the conclusion that im a pedo? Apart from your desperate need to label others as pedo's in order to suppress your own dying urge to touch small children?
  7. I try not to think, it hurts to much, and the pay is non existent :)
  8. If you can't take a joke on your own bone thread you shoukldn't have joined, wet pants.

    Now hurry on off, I think your face needs taking for a shit.
  9. You are Peter Sutcliffe and I claim my Hammer and a broken coffee jar to the face!
  10. Sorry, I misunderstood the "joke" for someone just being a bellend and giving people grief. If you dont have anything mildly constructive or entertaining to say then why bother?
    You total arsewrecker.
  11. Very true. Why did you post this shite ?
    • Like Like x 2
  12. You post that shite to entertain us and then come out with this:

    I was wrong, you are a fucking comedian!

    And you still need to take your face for a shit!
  13. See, Twatinahat, I'm not the only fucker who started reading your bolox before reaching for a sharp object to put themselves out of their misery from it's crapness!
  14. Why does anyone post half the shite that gets put on here?
  15. Because you're a paedo.