A Friday joke for LING !

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by Goatman, Mar 24, 2006.

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  1. Goatman

    Goatman LE Book Reviewer

    Chinese guy wakes up one day not feeling so good so he calls his boss and says

    "Boss I no feel good, Me not come in to work today"

    so then the boss replies

    "I tell you what, when I no feel good I stay in home and I have sex with my wife, she makes everything all better and then I go to work, you should try some time"

    Corporal Leungsangfan (for it is he) says

    "thanks for advice boss i go now bye"

    ........click, hang up......later on Leungsangfan shows up to work and tells his boss

    "thanks for advice boss, I feel A-OK.... by the way boss ?










    ..........you have nice house !! "



    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Blind guy in a lesbian bar

    A blind guy walks into a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to the counter and orders a drink. After a while, he says loudly to the girl behind the bar: -

    "Hey, do you want to hear a really good joke about blondes?"

    Silence falls in the bar and in a deep, gravelly voice the lesbian to his left says :-

    "Before you tell your joke, there's something you should know...The girl behind the bar is blonde, the girl by the door is blonde and I'm a 6 foot, 16 stone blonde with a black belt in karate. The girl to my left is blonde and she lifts weights. The girl to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still want to tell your joke?"












    - "Not if I'll have to explain it five times..."

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------


    Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't.

    The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:

    "Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go.."

    But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering:......



    Dave.............


















    ..............you're a vet". :lol:


    Bonne weekend Tous ! 8)

    Le Chevre
     
  2. Two men walk into a bar and order a pint each one turn to the barman and asks for a pack of peanuts

    “Sorry mate where sold out” he replies

    That’s ok I have a nut allergy” laughs the man
     
  3. Goatman

    Goatman LE Book Reviewer

    pretty dire Greens....obviously nobody has anything better to offer ! :lol:
     
  4. Dustman knocks on house unable to find rubbish bin. Local Chinaman eventually answers door.

    Dustbin man...wheres ya bin mate?

    Chinaman.. wha.

    Dustbin man...I said wheres ya bin mate?

    Chinaman...wha.

    Dustbin man...I said wheres.......ya...........bin............mate?

    Chinaman...ok ok I bin toilet.

    Dustbinman...Grrrr wheres ya bloo%y bin?

    Chinaman...no really, I bin toilet.

    Dustbin man....WHERES YA FOOkin WHEELY BIN?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    Chinaman...ok........I weely bin for a w ank!!
     
  5. Chinaman goes to a building site and says "me want Job". the gaffer says "can you do wireing?" chinaman says "no", gaffer says "can you do bricklaying?" chinaman says "no" and the gaffer says "well i guess you can work in supplies then". next day the gaffers walkin around and says "anyone seen that chinaman we took on yesterday?" and then the chinaman jumps from behind a crate and shouts











    "Supplies!"
     
  6. Learn Chinese in 5 minutes.......READ OUT LOUD



    1. That is not right......................... Sum Ting Wong

    2. Are you harbouring a fugitive?............. Hu Yu Hai Ding

    3. See me ASAP............................... Kum Hia Nao

    4. Stupid Man................................ Dum Fuk

    5. Small Horse............................... Tai Ni Po Ni

    6. Did you go to the beach?.................. Wai Yu So Tan

    7. I bumped into a coffee table.............. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni

    8. I think you need a face lift.............. Chin Tu Fat

    9. It is very dark in here................... Wao So Dim

    10. I thought you were on a diet............. Wai Yu Mun Ching

    11. This is a tow away zone.................. No Pah King

    12. Our meeting is scheduled for next week... Wai Yu Kum Nao

    13. Staying out of sight..................... Lei Ying Lo

    14. He is cleaning his automobile............ Wa Shing Ka

    15. Your body odour is offensive.............. Yu Stin Ki Pu

    16. Great.................................... Fa Kin Su Pah
     
  7. I am waiting for thread to degenerate before I rescue it... but maybe it dies instead?

    As Deng Xiao Ping said: "It doesn't matter if the car is black or white, as long as it gets you to the shops."
     
  8. Goatman

    Goatman LE Book Reviewer

    Awww Ling......actually, putting your name on the thread was just a way to re-cycle the "Friday Joke" thread......didn't the Blindman in a lesbian bar make you giggle though ?

    Usually the Friday joke thread just........dies like Eddie Izzard in full drag at a Ku Klux Klan convention....your turn this week.....I look forward to a really offensive anti-gweilo joke ! :lol:


    chin chin Mamzelle


    The Round-eyed Goat
    (actually a Rooster :lol: )